Great Aunts and Uncles:

The sayings of Aunt Margaret, as recalled by daughters Connie and Suzanne.

(Some have been translated from Italian.)

ON BLESSINGS
"God gives biscuits to those who don't have teeth."

ON RESEARCH
"While the doctor studies the patient dies."

ON HAPPINESS
"You'll never find total happiness. The only two people who are totally happy on earth are the king and the idiot."

ON ENVIRONMENTALISTS
"I had all to do to make my daughter clean up her room and now she's on a cause to clean up the earth."

ON VANITY
"If you admire yourself in the mirror for too long, the devil's horns will grow out of your head."

TO A DOCTOR
"At 84 years old you don't want me for your patient; when I go-it'll look bad on your resume."

ON PRICELINE
"It's a trick: a terrorist's plot to steal your children."

ON DOGS
"La parola gia manga. (The only thing a dog is missing is words.)"

ON ACCEPTANCE
"Nothing in life is 100%...not even (Suzanne's dog's) Terry's tail."

ON LEFTOVERS
"EAT IT... I'm only gonna give it to the dogs."

"La mangia fresca (The food tastes best when it's fresh.)"

ON THE FINAL QUESTION
"How did he die? With his belly up."

ON HEALTH CARE:
"Pane vino reinforco il spino. (Bread and wine reinforces the spine.)"

ON HOSPITALITY
"A sick person you ask, a well person you give."

ON INDIGESTION:
"The best remedy for indigestion is EAT MORE."

"Have some ice cream: it'll settle your stomach."

ON LOYALTY:
"If your husband's job relocates him to hell, then you go too."

ON TREACHERY
"She throws the stone, then hides her hand."

TO BORED CHILDREN
"Do something constructive: count the hairs on a brush."

ON INSTIGATION:
"The more you stir the s***, the more it stinks."

ON DINING
"Only the Italians know how to eat."

ON POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
"What the mouth doesn't say the heart feels."

STOPPING FOR GAS
"Even the car needs to eat."

ON FLEXIBILITY
"He's a piece of bread (who can be molded)."

ON IMPRESSIONISTIC ART
"It's beautiful: a little fuzzy-but pretty."

ON JUSTICE
"You'll never get a ragione (righteousness). Even the judge tips the scale."

ON INTER-RELIGIOUS MARRIAGE
"We're all under one God."

ON BLACK-WHITE MARRIAGES
"We're not under one God."

ON PROGRESS
"You need the yeast to grow the bread."

ON COMPASSION
"The tongue can't help but to go where the tooth is sore."

ON CLEANLINESS

"La porka pulide.  (The pig who tries to be clean.)"

WARINESS

"Don't touch her tail, she'll bite!

ON LEARNING:

"You have yet to learn what I already know!"

ON DINNER CONVERSATION

"Don't s*** where you eat."

ON HAUGHTINESS

"Their s*** don't stink." 

ON SELF INTEREST

"They know where their bread is buttered."

ON GROWING OLD

"Your turn will come."

ON CHILDREN

"Never have your children know more than their parents."

ON FAMILY

"Blood is thicker than water."

ON RELIGION

"Jesus Christ gets offended with the people on earth."

WHEN ANGRY WITH HER HUSBAND

"Go scratch your head on a broken bottle."

"You don't know from your ass to your elbow."

MISCELLANEOUS

"The hand feeds the mouth, and the mouth must swallow."

"OOF! Somebody poofed!"

"Headicall" (When she couldn't remember a person's name- he or she was headicall.)

ON MEN
"If he's good enough for Uncle Sam he's good enough for me."

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