By Bonnie Speed 1994
Dedicated to my dear sister Karen, who actually owned the Purposterous
Purple Pants.
There once was a pretty, shy girl named Penelope Postma.
Penelope had a group of friends and a pair of purple-pinkish pants. Her friends called the pants: "The Purposterous Purple Pants".
Penelope did not like the name for her pants. But, since Penelope was a very shy girl, she didn't say anthing to her friends.
And, despite the comments about her pants, Penelope continued to wear them. She wore them almost every day! And soon "The Purposterous Purple Pants" began to get PALE.
And then Penelope's friends called the pants: "The Purposterous Purple-Pinkish, Pale Pants of Pretty Penelope Postma."
Even though Penelope was very pretty, she was very clumsy. And while she was painting a picture at school, she spilled PAINT on the pants. Not just a little paint, but a lot of paint, blue, yellow, and green.
And once, by accident, she spilled a little bit of nail POLISH on them--just enough to be seen by her friends.
So...Penelope's pants were known as: "The Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish Painted, Polishy, Pale Pants of Pretty Penelope Postma."
During school, Penelope was assigned a project, and she could not decide whether to write if in PENCIL or PEN. She PREFERRED pen, but pencil was erasable. So, she used pencil for her rough draft, and pen for her final copy. Unfortunately, her pants got marked by both pen and pencil.
And then her pants were called: "The Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish, Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferably Pen marked Pants of Pretty Penelope Postma."
Then Penelope discovered something marvellous--PEPPER! She loved pepper and loaded it on all her food! She used so much pepper, that her mother told Penelope that she had to buy all that pepper with her own money. And she did. She bought so much pepper that she ran out of money. And besides that, her pants were covered with pepper!
And then those pants became known as: "The Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish, Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferrably Pen marked, Peppery Pants of Pretty, Penniless Penelope Postma."
Penelope got invited to a party. At the party, some of her peers purposely poured POP and PUNCH on her pants. So Penelope's pants were known as: "The Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish, Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferrably Pen marked, Peppery, Purposely Poured Pop and Punch stained Pants of Pretty, Penniless, Penelope Postma."
And one morning, her mother did not have time to make breakfast. What was for breakfast?--PANCAKES! The pure pancake batter was accidently POURED and PASTED onto her pants.
So, the pants were known as: "The Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish, Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferrably Pen marked, Peppery, Purposely Poured Pop and Punch stained, Purely Pancake Pasted, Pants of Pretty, Penniless, Penelope Postma."
Unfortunately, pop, punch and pancake batter were not the only foods added to Penelope's pants. One day at the school cafeteria, Penelope spilled PLUM juice on her pants.
As a result of that terrible accident, Penelope's Pants became known as: "The Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish, Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferrably Pen marked, Peppery, Purposely Poured Pop and Punch stained, Purely Pancake Pasted, Plum juicy Pants of Pretty, Penniless, Penelope Postma."
After months on end of naming the purple pants, Penelope decided that she would confront her friends about it. She told her friends that her pants were her PRIVATE, PERFECT, PERSONAL pants, and it didn't matter what they thought of her. Of course we all know that was a mistake because... Her pants came to be called: "The Perfectly Placed, Privately Personal, Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish, Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferrably Pen marked, Peppery, Purposely Poured Pop and Punch stained, Purely Pancake Pasted, Plum juicy Pants of Pretty, Penniless, Penelope Postma."
It wasn't long before Penelope's friends realized that all those words describing the pants were difficult to say and remember. Sut nonetheless, they were very entertaining. Saying all those "P" words was a PAIN. Thus, the pants were called: "The Pesky, Painfully Pleasant, Perfectly Placed, Privately Personal, Purposterous Pair of Purple-Pinkish, Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferrably Pen marked, Peppery, Purposely Poured Pop and Punch stained, Purely Pancake Pasted, Plum juicy Pants of Pretty, Pathetic, Penniless, Penelope Postma."
And finally, Penelope got the POINT that her PEERS were trying to make. I wasn't right to wear the same pants over and over and over. Even if they were "Pesky, Painfully Pleasant, Perfectly Placed, Privately Personal, and Painted, Polishy, Pale, Pencil and Preferrably Pen marked, Peppery, Purposely Poured Pop and Punch stained, Purely Pancake Pasted, Plum juicy Pants."
But Penelope soon felt better when a new boy came to her school. His name was Trevor Travis and he wore a pair of light brown pants everyday. And those Pants became know as: