What happens when your mom is away and you are forced into the slave labour of painting stairs and have been inhaling paint fumes for a good 3 hours!

It's Great to Be a Midget!

1) Can grow a midget mullet, because you know, if you aren't a midget, you can't grow a midget mullet.
2) Hide and Seek would be easier.
3) Easier access to "treats"*
4) Would not be bound by the endless restrictions of doggy doors.
5) Could go on kiddie rides.
6) Can fly away with a handful of balloons.
7) Can join the elite circus midgets.
8) Can paint steps with ease.
9) Have a cute little midget bum.
10) Can shop in the kiddie section and buy velcro flashing shoes.
11) You are closer to the ground so you are safer from lightning.
12) Your centre of gravity is closer to the ground so it is easier to get up and sit down, as a result it is impossible to get arthritis.
13) Wouldn't have to bend down as far to pick up your pencil.
14) Can't be sent to die at war. Feeling left out? Well you could join the Midget army, because you know, you can't join the Midget Army if you are not a midget.
15) Can slide under fences with ease.
16) You can be nicknamed sausage fingers.
17) You never have to exercise again because you will be in shape from reaching for the light switch.
18) Can ride a St. Bernard like a horse.
19) Could be the president of the society of midgets, because you know, you can't be the president of the society of midgets if you are not a midget.
20) Safe from shark attacks because you are too small to be considered a seal.
21) You can pick up chicks or studs at Star Wars conventions because you could be mistaken as Wicket.
22) The cost of a mattress is one half.
23) Can get into monster truck rallies at kid prices.
24) You could have a midget car, because you know, if you aren't a midget, you can't have a midget car.
25) The little Cheese Whiz bottles are custom made just for you.
26) You can sit in the high chairs at McDonald's with the puffy pictures of Grimace on them.
27) All the adult swings taken? You'll fit in the baby swings.
28) Hot dogs are like footlongs for you, because you know, your foot would be as long as a hot dog.
29) You can have midget discounts on pants.
30) You can trick or treat every year without menacing looks from the people at the door. (Helpful hint: Dress up like Wicket and pick up chicks while trick or treating)
31) You can fit in the dryer, so towels, even hand towels would be unnecessary. (Don't forget your dryer sheet, you don't want become "static-hair" midget)
32) You could have a midget shower, because if you aren't a midget, you can't have a midget shower. The fact that they have the little soaps and shampoo bottles in hotels show that you are viewed as the superior race.
33) You can fit in the Safari Kid rides in the mall.

Added Bonus: If you are a hairy midget, you could be mistaken as a bear cub and be safe from bear attacks.

* If this seems like an inside joke, it is. If you feel like you're out of the loop, you are.


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