Scene7: Quark’s

Odo: Good day Quark.
Quark: Odo, my favourite pale-faced sleuth. What can I do for you today?
Odo: Well Quark, you have some interesting visitors with a business proposition.
Quark: Really? I’d be glad to meet with them.

In walk the Quackers, all crowded around Nog and talking about Henderson’s piggy bank which couldn’t be opened, not even with a steamroller.

Nog: And this is my Uncle Quark, and great businessman.

Quackers run up to Quark to shake his hand and pat his head.

Quark: Now, now, what can I do for you?
Q1: Well, we have a great favour to ask of you.
Quark: All in good time my friends, first, drinks on the house and all the games you want.
Q2: Really? Oh what fun!

The Quackers spread around, some playing games, others going to the Holosweet, some running up and down the spiral staircase yelling "Hercules! Hero of song and story!" But Henderson remains at the bar beside Morn, looking very blue.

Quark: Why the long face little buddy?
Henderson: The spot on the bar stool reminded me of my little puppy. His name was Spot.
Quark: Ah, the classic lost dog story. I’ve heard it many times.
Henderson: He’s not lost.
Quark: Really, what happened to him?
Henderson: Well, after the tragic loss of our good old Sparky we found another pup. I named him Spot. He was good and never barked when other starships would fly up and never chewed on our gravity boots. I would take him for walks on the Bridge, and he would help me push buttons. But one day everybody found out he could push buttons better than I could and then everyone loved him more than me. I loved Spot, but I couldn’t let him take my job so I had to lock him up in my closet with all my stuff. I felt guilty later of course, so I tried to get him out but he won’t come. He just stays in there, playing Monopoly all by himself and laughing at me cause I can’t count money. Ahh! I love him so much!

Henderson cries and puts his head on Morn’s shoulder. Morn hugs him. All the Quackers come running up to Quark to talk business. They notice Henderson crying.

Quackers: Augh, Henderson don’t cry!
Q1: You asked him about Spot didn’t you?
Q2: Didn’t you!?!
Quark: He just kept talking, I couldn’t stop him!
Q3: That’s okay, he’s a goof anyway.
Quark: So, business.
Q2: Okay, here’s what we need: lots of water, gelatin and red food colouring!
Quark: No problem, but why all this?
Q1: Okay, because you are a trusted Ferengie and our friend we will tell you.
Q3: We seek Gummi Worms from the Wormhole!

Quark takes a step back.

Quark: You can’t do that!
Q2: Ah, but we must.
Henderson: We crave sustinance!
Q1: You don’t understand!
Q3: We have gone years without the two-toned flavouring and soft gummi texture!
Henderson: We NEED them!
Quark: But, but how?
Q1: Everyone knows Gummi Worms’ mutual hate and loathing for Gummi Bears.
Q3: So we will create the largest Gummi Bear in the universe!
Q2: The worms will be irrestistably drawn to it out of hate and will crawl out of the wormhole to destroy it!
Henderson: No more Gummi Bears!
Q3: Then our ship will grab them!
Q1: And we’ll have all the Gummi Worms we could ever want!
Quark: Amazing!
Q2: (to Nog) We need you little man to distract fuzzy chin head while we accomplish the deed.
Nog: I don’t know, as a Star Fleet Officer, I...
Q2: But you’re also a Ferengie.
Q3: They’ll be lots of worms in it for ya...
Nog: I’m in!
Q2: Great! When can we have the ingredients for phase one?
Quark: Soon my friends, soon.

Scene7: Sisko calls Odo.

Sisko: Sisko to Odo, any news from Quark’s?
Odo: They’re collaborating as we speak, but keep me at a distance. I can’t make out what they’re saying.
Sisko: Can’t you shape shift or something, what good are you anyway?
Odo: They’d notice if I left suddenly.
Sisko: Could you try at least?
Odo: Oh, I suppose.
Sisko: How are things otherwise?
Odo: Good.

Scene 8: Worf comes to see Captain Sisko in Ops.

Worf: Captain, I just passed by Quark’s and saw all the Quackers intently discussing with him.
Sisko: Yes, they’re collaborating with him about something.
Worf: It is strange though sir, I would never think those hyper-machines could sit still for such a long time- low intention spans you know, this is not good.
Sisko: See Major, the IS reason for concern. I have to get them off my station!
Major: Your station? It also belongs to the Bashorian people, and I think they’re quite fond of the little guys.
Sisko: They’re crazy and a threat! Odo! Remove the Quackers from the station, by force if necessary.

Worf smiles.

Scene8: Quark’s

Odo assembles his security team and asks the Quackers to leave.

Q1: Certainly!
Q3: Let us go!

The Quackers start a mad rush for the door, after patting Quark on the back and hugging Nog.

Q3: Good bye my little friend!
Henderson: You’re the best!

The Quackers start running madly through the Promenade singing:

"We’re going to the garden to eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones,
Long slim slimy ones,
Itsy bisty fuzzy wuzzy worms!"

Henderson: Fuzzy wuzzy like fuzzy wuzzy chin head!

All Quackers stop and glare at Henderson

Q1: Mr. Baldy Red-Shirt?
Q2: Augh, Henderson!
Q1: Way to ruin a perfectly drole song!
Henderson: Sorry.
Q3: I know you like to bless us with amazing smilies, but that was just plain wrong!

Odo’s security team catches up.

Odo: No running on the Promenade!
Q3: Sorry.
Henderson: We are soooo sorry.
Q2: Let us frolic!
Q1: No more running!
Henderson: Frolic! Frolic!

The Quackers start to frolic down the Promenade all the way to the Docking Bay where Sisko, Dax, Kira and Worf are proding the Changling ship. All stop when entering and seeing the crew standing there.

Q2: (whisper) Baldy...Red Alert!
Henderson: Hey, Mr. Tree Trunk! Alive in person! It’s a dream come true!
Q3: Would you sign my genuine "nose hair like tree trunks" collector card? I carry it with me always.
Worf: No! (raises arm while growling)
Q3: No! Pain hurts me!

Quackers back away from Worf shivering in fear.

Sisko: Okay, I want you off my station!
Q1: Gladly.
Dax: Captain, they’ll need their ship to leave here.
Sisko: I don’t care. If the Dominion is going to attack us, they’ll have to do it from outside!
Q2: Dominion?
Q3: Why would they dare attack the Federation?
Major: We’re at war with the Dominion.
Q1: How silly!
Q3: Those changin’-shape-liquid guys are just completely obsessed with Gumm...
Q2: Stop! You’ll reveal our mission!
Q3: Ooh, close one.
Sisko: Wait, what mission?

All the Quackers go to board their ship, now in the shape of a 747.

Q1: Can’t talk, we’ve been banned from the station!
Henderson: Must leave, it's been nice knowing ya.
Sisko: Is that a threat?
Q2: No, in all sincerity, I’ve enjoyed meeting with you guys. Sorry we couldn’t have tea.
Q3: To the ship!

Quackers board the ship.
Unseen on the other side of the ship Quark loads the ingredients and the ship takes off.

Scene9: Captain is brooding in his ready room.

Sisko: This stinks. Those freaks are ruining my reputation as a powerful protector of this station and the Bajoran people!

He tosses his baseball.

Scene10: Dax and others in Ops.

Dax: Curious, the Quacker ship just seems to be floating out there, not doing anything.
Major: Forget them, they’re not hurting anyone.
Dax: I’ll just do some routine scans on the wormhole that never amount to anything to pass the time.
Major: Good idea.

Doctor Bashir enters Ops with Chief O’Brian.

Bashir: Hum de dum.
Chief: La de da.
Dax: Chief, Julian, what are you doing?
Bashir: Oh, nothing at all, just filling time since my genetically engineered brain has helped me finish all my duties extra fast. (sits down) I’m terribly bored.
Chief: I’m just looking for something exciting to do.
Dax: Well here, watch this little monitor for any signs of mischief from the Quackers.
Bashir & Chief: Ooh, exciting!

Sisko enters Ops.

Sisko: Anything interesting old man?
Dax: Julian’s bored and the Chief is looking for excitement.
Sisko: That’s not interesting, don’t waste my time.

Nog runs madly up to Captain Sisko and grabs his arm.

Nog: (pants) Captain, come quick! There’s something you have to see!
Sisko: Yah, yah, Chief O’Brian gave you another certificate for fixing the replicator again.
Nog: No, this is very urgent!
Bashir: Um, Captain, something strange is happening out there.
Sisko: What is it?
Bashir: The Quacker ship is ejecting something from their hull. It’s massive!
Nog: (pulling Sisko’s sleeve and trying to block his view of the screen) No, Captain. There’s a bomb on the Promenade! I think the Quackers left it!
Sisko: Get the Chief to disarm it!
Chief: Alright!
Nog: It can only be deactivated by your voice saying "I’m Mr. Baldy Red-Shirt with a fuzzy wuzzy chin."
Sisko: Those rats! How long do we have?
Nog: Only 5 minutes, we better get down there!
Sisko: Alright, Major, you handle all situations with the Quackers until I return (rushes out with Nog)

Bashir: Look at the size of it!
Dax: That’s big!
Major: What is it?
Chief: It looks like a big teddy bear!
Dax: But red and gooshy.
Bashir: It looks good enough to eat.
Dax: I wouldn’t do that if I were you Julian, it’s terribly unstable.
Major: But what exactly IS it?

Quacker comes on main view screen.

Q1: We’ve created...
Quackers: The biggest Gummi Bear in the world!
Q2: Universe!
Henderson: Yah!
Quackers: (manical laughter)

Q2: Our mission is close to completion.
Henderson: Good. I’m hungry.
Q3: Shh! Monitor your speech! We don’t want anyting to go wrong.
Q1: It’s life or death!

Major: Quackers, may I ask what you are doing?
Q2: Sure.
Q3: Ask away.

Brief silence.

Dax: What are you doing?
Q1: Thanks for asking, but can’t tell you.

Major laughs, Bashir smiles, Dax shakes her head, and O’Brian belly laughs, "This is so cool."

Scene11: The Promenade.

Nog leads Captain Sisko to a small corner and points to a large grey box.

Nog: That’s it.
Sisko: Okay, how did you say we deactivate it?
Nog: You must say "I'm Mr. Baldy Red-Shirt with a fuzzy wuzzy chin."
Sisko: Okay, (clears throat) I’m... Mr...Baldy...
Dax: Captain the Quackers have launched a large "Gummi Bear" as they call it. I think it’s a massive weapon of some sort.
Nog: (under breath) Need more time...
Sisko: I’ll be up in a second. (yells) I’m Mr. Baldy Red-Shirt!(looks at Nog)
Nog: With a fuzzy wuzzy chin.
Sisko: (takes a deep breath) With a fuzzy wuzzy chin!
Bomb: Bomb deactivated. Thank you Mr. Baldy Red-Shirt.
Sisko: Okay, that was pretty easy. Now for that ultimate weapon.
Nog: No, wait Captain!
Sisko: Ensign, I haven’t time to waste.
Nog: There’s something very important I must tell you...
Sisko: What is it Ensign?
Nog: Um...I always wanted...um...to be a Broadway Dancer!
Sisko: What?
Nog: Yah, you know, "Singing in the Rain, yes singing in the Rain."

Nog starts dancing around the Promenade singing and splashing in imaginary puddles.

Sisko: Go see the Doctor Nog, stop wasting my time (walks ahead)
Nog: No, Captain! You can’t go up there!
Sisko: Why not Ensign?
Nog: Because, um, there’s something on your uniform. (points to his stomach and when Captain Sisko looks down Nog megerly attempts to knock him down by punching him in the fuzzy chin)

Sisko look shocked and grabs Nog by the shoulders shaking him violently.

Sisko: What is wrong with you man? You are a Star Fleet Officer, sworn to obey orders to protect the Federation!
Nog: Do you have an order for me Captain?
Sisko: Leave me alone! Stand in that corner until Doctor Bashir comes to see you.
Nog: Yes Captain.

Sisko turns to walk to Ops.

Scene12: Ops.

Dax: There is activity in the Wormhole.
Major: What?
Q2: It’s opening!
Q3: Here they come!
Major: Who?
Q1: Finally, after all this time!

A knot of billions of Gummi Worms comes flying out of the Wormhole.

Henderson: They’re here!

The Gummi Worms completely destroy the giant Gummi Bear and are then captured by the ship.

Quackers cheer! Bashir and O’Brian clap.

Scene13: Sisko running to Ops.

Nog doesn’t do as ordered and runs up behind Sisko, jumping on his back just as he gets on the lift to Ops.

Nog: Captain! Stop!
Sisko: Get off me meddling little squirt!
Nog: You can’t go up there!

They reach Ops just as the Quackers are discussing their mission with Major Kira.

Sisko: What is going on here?
Q1: So you see, the Changlings adore Gummi Worms as much as us, and craving a "change" of pace agreed to help us by becoming our ship.
Bashir: That’s amazing.
Q2: I know, I bet even your genetically engineered brain couldn’t have thought up that killer plan.
Bashir: Humbly I admit it couldn’t.
Sisko: Major, I demand to know what just happened!
Major: (ignoring Sisko) Why didn’t you just tell us?
Q3: We can’t trust...
Sisko: the Federation?
Henderson: Holy mind-reader!
Q1: Actually, we just couldn’t trust Baldy Red-Shirt.
Q3: I think he’s allergic to Gummi Worms.
Q2: But we could trust our little buddy Nog.
Henderson: Thanks Bud.
Nog: Hey, no problem.
Q3: Here’s a little treat for ya.

They beam over a bucket of Gummi Worms and Nog passes them around, offering them to everyone but Sisko. Odo rejoices when seeing the gummi treats.

Q1: And here’s a little something for your Uncle Quark.
Nog: Gee, thanks.
Q2: Well, enough of this blasted Deep Nine Space, we must be going.
Henderson: Bye!

Bashir and O’Brian wave excitedly and Major nods.

Q2: Later.

The Quackers take off and no trace of them can be found except this voice:

Henderson: Spot! You’ve come out!

Sisko stamps his foot when the Major won’t fill him in and goes to his Ready Room.

Bashir: He’s just jealous.

Dax laughs. Worf comes up to Ops.

Worf: Are they gone?
Major: Yep.
Worf: Good.
Nog: (offering a handful of worms) Worm?
Worf: Don’t mind if I do.
Odo: Could I have another?

End Credits and Music.

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