Poetry

 

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I am usually very selective about who I let read my poems ('cause I don't trust?), and yet I have these here... Most, but not all, of the poems here were written when I was in a hard place emotionally. They are listed more or less chronologically. All are copywritenI also have a poem Sally wrote a number of years ago.  

 

A Child of God 
 
A child of God yearning to be free
Not for them, but for me
Yet how do I shed this  restrictive skin?
Hardened by years of conforming and sin
Glimpses of freedom are mostly fleeting
Yet, my heart is gradually starting its beating
Tears now freely stream down my cheeks
It goes on and on and has for weeks
The life I seek is playful and fun
Walking the beach in starlight and sun
Fear grips me
 As I step gently from the box
Wanting a life, yet rejection - It mocks!
Only God can free my heart
But can He be trusted to do His part?
The years of fear have  taken their toll
I’ve  built up walls  - that’s been my goal
Fitting in because I should  
Do it right, yeah, I’ll be good
Yet all the while I’m dying inside
Desperate for life, no more can I hide
Whatever it takes, I am willing to do
Through tears and pain and loneliness too
Oh God are you there? Do you hear my cry?
Unless you show up, my heart it will die
I believe in you and have for years,
But where are you now, I ask through my tears?
Can I really trust you to be faithful and true?
You know I want to, You know I do
Yet emptiness is daily all that see
I need to know you are here for me!
Others tell me “you should know -  God is faithful & true”
 yet my heart is hurting and I’m so blue
I do believe, Lord, that you care
And know somehow you will get me there 
But it is so hard now - my heart needs your touch
Oh dear God, is that asking so much?
3-04-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Disappointment 
Disappointment burns again in my heart
I know it well, I have from the start
I hoped, I believed that they would be there
And yet again at the clock I just stare
Many times their reasons are sound
Yet the pain again in my heart is found
Oh God, only you are faithful and true
But I still hurt, you know that I do
Turning to you w/ all of my pain
I need your presence please don’t refrain
You be my comfort, my helper, my friend
Fill me with love  help me to bend
Help me to forgive and minister grace
Anger and resentment, Lord they have no place
In my heart, my life or on my face
So help me Lord to try again
Help me in this not to sin
3/04/02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Confusion  
Confusion haunts my mind
Exclusion - is that the way to go?
Resolution is what many tell me
Illusion is that what it is?
Infusion is what I need
Profusion is how much I want
Delusion  - I hope it is not this!
3-11-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Time Can Sometimes Heal
Time can sometimes heal
Yet time can also steal
A friend can, for us, be there,
Yet a friend can also bring despair
God is in control, in him you must trust
But how can you trust someone you distrust?
Candle burning in the night
Incense burning yet not so bright
Attaining to perfection
Hurting from rejection
A Hawk is gliding through the sky
It is captured in God’s eye
Or is it resting in God’s hand
Some things I just can’t understand
How can we believe in what we cannot see
How do I have faith, It doesn’t start from me
I have no problem believing God is in control,
And He helps us daily or so I am told
Yet in my heart, I  crave for more
To know His love, yet where is the door,
To free His presence in my heart
To birth a passion, but how does it start
I want so desperately my heart to be free
To know with assurance that He loves me
I have prayed, I have cried to know He’s true
But how to get there, I haven’t a clue
Faith is a gift from God’s loving hand
I give up my striving  - wow, strike up the band
As I learn who I am  and learn to be me 
Not cause I should but just for  me
And to do what I want is really ok
Thank you Ford!  You made my day
I am learning to trust to share my thoughts
The crazy, the scary, yes at times I’ve fought
Yet I send you my love, my thanks and a prayer
For talking me through it, for just being there
I question it all, yet you are still here
What a blessing that is - you’re such a dear!
Yet Janice & Lydia help carry the load,
There are others too walking this road 
With me through my healing my pain, my delight
They’ve all remained faithful even when I’ve concede the fight.
Yet God is still patient, He is waiting for me
To get to that point to get to be free~!
3-13-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Time 
Sleep is fleeting
My heart is beating
My mind is racing
Faster pacing
To do list is growing
The pressure I am knowing
Spring is coming
Spring’s now here!
Time is flying through the year
I’ll do it tomorrow, 
Wow, that was last week
Slowing it down is now what I seek
What happened leisure
What happened to rest
Just slow down!
Surely you jest!
As a child, a day was oh so long
Each year’s now faster
It seems so wrong
Carpe diem - Seize the day
Seize it? I can’t catch it,
Much less make it stay
Oh, another day has flown away!
3-13-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Beliefs 
Most of my decisions were made for me
It was done in a way that no one could see
Oh, I was deciding, but not from my heart
Doing it right, doing my part
So much that I’ve done was done for others
Their mores, their preferences  and even their drathers  
Have controlled my life, have hemmed me in
Breaking out now, it seems like sin
To be free to decide what I want to do, 
Based on what I want,  and enjoy  that too!
Yet, at times it is hard to know what to do 
At this point, I’ve got more questions than answers, it is true
As to what is good or bad for ME, I haven’t a clue
Oh I know what I’ve been taught through osmosis and teaching
What is expected, what is proper and right  yet I am reaching
For what it is that I believe, what is important to me
My morals, my values and all my beliefs
I know what they say is right or wrong, 
But is it for me, a belief that’s strong
A conviction or preference, or neither at all
It was so simple, yet now I’ve the gall
To throw off constrain and all cares to the wind
As I determine my beliefs as my heart is on the mend
Yet even a deeper question I ask
Am I really up for this task?
The question resounds from the  core of my being
Who am I, I asks I hope soon to be seeing
That will be for another poem, not now
Not sure when or why or even how.
3-15-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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What Good is a Lawn
What good is a lawn you cannot enjoy
Let it take you back to when you were a boy
Frolicking and chasing a butterfly or two
Are you able to go there  - Do you have a clue?
Of how to let go, of how to be free
To slide your toes through the soft green sea
Or have you forgotten as Peter in Hook
How to chase a butterfly or how to look
Not just to look, but really to see
As you watch an ant or chickadee
To watch the clouds, to smell the air
And notice the subtle fragrances there
To gaze at the shadows playing hide -n- seek
Does this connect, has your interest been peaked?
3-17-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Emotions are running rampant
My thoughts don’t  want to be controlled
There is a pain in my heart that’s consuming
What will it take to be consoled?
 
3-18-02
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Stepping onto the Path
As a good red wine improves with time,
So can we, if we can get our mind
To let go of the past and take a risk
To step out of our box, do you get the gist?
What I am saying is this, it's time to jump in
Without all the fear  and worry of sin,
Of doing it right, of pleasing them all
Cause it's time for me to make the call
To jump into life and enjoy each day.
Am I really there? - it's hard to say
But I am ready to try, to give it my all
With the support of my friends, in the times I will fall
Oh I will blow it, and doubt,  it's true
From time to time, I won't have a clue
Again,  I am ready to try, to give it my all
I've got the guts, and even the gall
To say it is not over, a new life awaits
I am not worn out, it is not too late
To start a new life, to live from my heart
To develop new  guidelines, to learn the art 
Of seizing each day
To take time to play
Before now, I was only learning the path
Now I am ready to walk the path
So what caused this change inside of me
A number of things have caused me to see
That there is value and worth in who I am
And if others aren't with me, I don't give a damn
Furthermore, books and songs and the Matrix and time
My visits  with God and writing these rhymes
And oh dear Ford, thanks for the tears
For opening your heart, you have negated the years
Also my chatting  on the web and  the phone
With kindred spirits that really do condone
My adventure
 
3-29-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Kisses

Kisses are so sweet and fun

Kisses for the night and sun

Kisses from the one you love

Kisses were created by God above

 

Kisses can help to ease the pain

Yet they can cause the tears to rain

 

Kisses on the neck and cheek

Kisses on the lips are oh so sweet

A kiss can sometimes say it best

A kiss can put a fight to rest

 

A kiss can make the passions flow

Our mind says stop, but emotions say go

A kiss can cause desire

And they can really start a fire

 

At times we live for that first kiss

At one time we lived for the first kiss

 

A kiss can be gentle or even rough

You can kiss in clothes or in the buff

It is sad that a kiss that for love was made

Can also be forced and cause the heart to fade

A kiss can be nice and sweet

A kiss can be long and deep

 

Some don’t even like to kiss

Yet they don’t know what they miss

A kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the head

A kiss on the sofa, a kiss in the bed

A kiss that is deep and lasts a while

These are the best and can make you wild

 

A kiss can say I want you, a kiss can say I care

A kiss can even be a dare

A kiss from a little girl is just so sweet

Yet when she is older, it can knock you from your feet

 

You can peck on the cheek or a kiss you can be blown

Yet what better way can our love be shown

Some are dry, some are wet

Some reek of smoke and awful breath

And some beget forgetfulness

4-08-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005

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Flying

 

Still warm night

Out the window

flying

Freer, freer, ever freer

Spread our arms like an eagle’s wings

Soaring higher and higher

Turn, fall toward the ground

Not too fast

Pull out gracefully

Skim, just above the meadow grasses

A little higher now

Roll - just us and the stars

Under the canopy of the trees

Separate

Play hide & seek

Gotcha

Grab hands like Peter & Windy

Her touch is warm and makes me fell good

Also secure

 

Look! over there, a large oak

Slowly, good! settle into a large limb

Gazing out over the meadow

Laughing, no giggling like 2 kids

Fireflies beckon

The warm air laps our cheeks

 

Lets go!

Again to the sky

Rested now we soar faster and faster

Free, unencumbered, secure

Nothing else matters - just this moment

Look, up ahead!

Smell it? A huge wisteria vine

The air nearly has weight to it with the heady fragrance

Circling a while, quiet, drinking it all in

Back to the adventure

Resting in the air - gliding as a hawk

Oh my - in the distance

Can it be?

Is it

YES! The ocean

Lets go!

4-11-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005

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Is it worth it?

 

Is it worth it to open out heart and try?
Or why not just give up and die?
Another disappointment another heartache
Why go on for another heartbreak?
Oh there has been fun and some hope
Yet for 50 yrs, my hope keeps getting broke
Hope differed makes the heart grow sick
I know that well. We are in it so thick
So why open up and let our hearts out?
When disappointment is what it is ultimately about?
The thought of trying again & again...
Fuck it all, I would rather just sin
& get wasted today, tomorrow, and more
There is just no way to settle the score
For to hope again just to get more pain
Is something from which I would rather refrain
Waves of tears keep flowing...
4-9-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005

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Colorado - Jan 03

While watching skiers in the snow
I give a sigh - I want to go
outside and frolic in the show

Yet my body aches and feels like flu
Whether it is altitude sickness or not,
i haven’t a clue

Although it is good to do some my reading
It is hard to be grounded as time is so fleeting

I want to do it all - from boarding to skiing
to exploring the resort and even some sightseeing

My view’s superb, up 4 stories,  and I
am facing the mountain, setting sun and the sky

Watching the boarders fly down the trail
Kicking up their snowy rooster tails

The setting sun is warm, my chair’s in its glow
As I hope that tomorrow again I can go

A drawback that the base of the mountain endures
Is that the sun, early on the mountain obscures
January - '03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Well, I was going to...

Well, I was going to be "up" and cheer you up..... but I didn’t
I was going to tell you to come sit on the sofa and tell me all about it...
but I didn’t
I was going to listen and encourage you...but I didn’t
I was going to ask you to go for a walk..but I didn’t
I was going to be your friend...but I didn’t
I was going to tell you that God is in control and it will be alright...
but I didn’t
I was going to take you to get coffee... but I didn’t
I was going to be there for you like you are for me... but I didn’t
I have prayed for you today, but I couldn’t be there for you and I am sorry.
11/13/03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Woods
 
They once were woods - open & free
I played there often as a little me
But now the wild azaleas and wild flowers are gone
Progress has arrived
Instead of the tree tops I now see roof tops
They protected me from the world and now the world is staring in my backyard
11-13-03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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What Emotion?

There’s a feeling I get from time to time
I got it today, so I’m writing this rhyme
to help me define what I am feeling this time
The feeling is sad, but oh so much more
Will retracing my steps help me open the door?

Thinking back to the events of the day....

I went to the kennel & visited some friends
with 4 legs, and a tail, they’re willing to befriend

From there to a nursery, but a garden would do
For either triggers this feeling - this is a big clue

I can feel this emotion by going to places
that were part of my life,  where my heart left traces

This elusive emotion, I’ll now try to define
It  is like the loss of a friend - empty & blind
Melancholy’s descriptive of this state of my heart

I now know more than I did and that’s a good start
But what do I call this feeling that’s stirring inside?
And what is the reason I feel something has died?
And what do I do with it?
7-22-03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Dreams

Where would I live
Where would I go
What would I do
What would I know
My answers aren’t there, they are shrouded in fear
I am tied up in knots, my vision’s  not clear
I can’t seem to answer, imagine or dream
Or know how I feel -  at least that’s how it seems

But, if I could get rid of the fear
Where would I go? How would I spend the next year?
As I try to embrace these thoughts and just dream...
And let my imagination flow like a stream
I still have one fear that crushes my hope
“You’ll run out of money, you’ll then be broke”.
But what if.... What if I could
Silence the fears of all that I should
do to please others & do it just right?

I’d dream of travel, dancing and fun
Of walking topless down the beach in the sun
I’d visit w/ strangers - ride my bike through the day
And at night, I’d camp out - under the stars I’d lay
I’d still walk barefooted for most of the time
I’d live where it’s warm, a place that’s sublime
I’d easily laugh, be cheerful and kind
And if someone wasn’t nice to me, I really wouldn’t mind
I’d take many pictures of people and places
And work to capture expressive faces
And I wouldn’t get embarrassed to share my thoughts
Nor would I always feel like I ought
I’d smile and whistle and run just for fun
I’d swim & snowboard and lay in the sun
And hang out at Starbucks to get to know others
That like to visit and share their drathers

The friends that I make will be faithful and true
They’ll understand grace and not judge others who
are struggling with life and haven’t a clue
They’ll not be religious and in fun they’ll delight
They’ll know that life isn’t all black & white

My walk with the Lord would be strong and secure
And wouldn’t waiver from things I endure
2-11-03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Call of the Wild

I am sitting in my car,
the light has yet to turn   
Rolling thunder's coming down the road
My heart begins to yearn
As the iron horse nears my spot
the adrenaline begins to flow
I want to be on my bike
I want to be on the go

I think of packing up my bags
and getting on the road
of leaving all that is safe behind
I feel I may explode

How can I dare explain
the exhilaration of the ride
the wind blowing in my face
you are part of the countryside

you feel the subtle changes
of temperature and light
you smell the passing flowers
or sea breeze in the night

Evoking many emotions
from peaceful calm to fear
the rush of acceleration
and worry of seeing a deer

Maybe a dog can really relate
as it rides inside a car
with head outside the window
hoping to drive real far
6/12/05 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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Lonely in Paradise

Paradise, it seems, should be
A place of peace and joy and rest
And that it is, and so much more
To live here, is to truly be blessed

There's the  balmy breeze
And sandy beach to feel between your toes  
The mood is casual and most of the year 
You can even wear less clothes

But don't forget the feast for the eyes
In the verdant and floral delight
And the fragrance that wafts
From orange blossoms in spring
The aroma is sure to excite


There's a progression of light  at the end of most days
As the sun sets over the Gulf  
The clouds are aglow with a mass of colors
The whole sky it does engulf

And many a night the stars are so bright 
When the moon does not appear
Venus is first to shine in the night
Then myriads of stars become clear

But when the moon is full and bright
There are shadows playing in the sand
It reflects on  the water  and lights up the night
Your awe it does command

And the sound is there whether dark or light
As the waves come in to  shore
At times it is so gentle, and laps at the beach
Other times it is wild and roars

But loneliness can still creep in
To my blissful tropical isle                        
It steals the joy right from my heart    
And loves to abduct my smile                       
				
Businesses can numb the pain
For many days it seems 
But sooner or later my heart screams out
As it looses some of its dreams

Hope flows out and with it is 
A release of numerous tears. 
The emptiness, despair and pain
I try to drown with another wine or beer


Oh I know, that God is here
And to Him I often  go                                   
But He's the one that said  it's not
good for man to be alone

After checking e-mail yet another time
Hoping someone is there
I try to write, to read,  to  sleep
Hoping tomorrow will answer my prayer

A friend who is  very special 
And has lived in this area too
Said I would rather be lonely in paradise
Than anywhere else, its true
11/19/05 ©bill funkhouser 2005
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 All poems Copyright © 2005 William L Funkhouser 111

"Christianesse"

by Sally (Skylar) Funkhouser

Mediocrity

It consumes me

I want to run into the arms of my Saviour

And give Him my problems

I want to get past this dreary land

But where am I?

I wish I knew

BUt I feel that I've gone to a certain point and stopped

I'm fat!

Full of Christianesse

It makes me look good, but what am I doing worthy of praise?

I feel that my devotional/quiet time with Jesus in the morning is necessary

Yet I don't feel like I'm growing

I learn exciting things, only to be squashed by my tedious education

I'm fasting so that I can move beyond my unseen barriers

Yet I feel as though I'm only going without meals

Is it supposed to be like this?

How did the men and women of the past fast?

How did Jesus do it for 40 days?

I feel that if I weren't at school, I might learn more

But I also feel that I probably wouldn't make it the whole time

Does a fast require cutting out more than just food?

Should I cut out music too?

Should I do nothing but classes, studying and sleep?

At times it's hard for me to feel like I have any impact

I'm at a Christian college where Jesus is talked about like an organized subject

I do love You!

But is it evident in my life?

Do people notice that I want to be different?

That I want to serve You anyway I can?!

That I'm desperate for something new?!

Anyone can do what I'm doing (and a lot of people do)

But I want to go where most don't want to

Please open my eyes and take away any distractions or vile thoughts

Be Lord of my life

Show me how to get past the sunday school answers

I've imagined getting closer to You

Take me to where I can't imagine!

Challenge my mediocrity!

Put people in my life that make me seek You more

This is my honest cry!

I now rest in Your arms.

@Sally Funkhouser 2003

 

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