"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." --- 2 Corinthians 4:18 "Daddy's gonna have some of his work friends over tonight, honey. We better put the house in order." "Where'm I gonna stay this time?" "Your daddy wants to see you this weekend." Mama looked about as nervous as a rabbit standing by a fox's den. And those words she uttered struck fear into me as well. We were two domestic animals, sure as certain we would die by the hands of a wild carnivore sometime soon. Waiting for the doom held no promise of satisfaction or relief. I could not imagine why my daddy wanted to see me. He'd had no interest in me for the last 8 or so years. Why then all of a sudden? My little brother Jimmy-Joe had always been the focus of his attention, especially since my daddy had no idea as to my existence until I was 6 years of age. Mama had always been a smart one. Must be what little daddy saw in her, aside from her physical attributes of attractiveness. He had mated her some odd months before I was conceived, and, of course, she knew well and accurate what he was. She hid me from him until Jimmy-Joe was born, then brought me out of the closet -- most literally -- to introduce me. She told me that now that daddy had a son, he might not mind too much havin' a daughter. Daddy worked for Liam and Sons, Christian booksellers. My daddy had the whole southern region to patrol for anyone or anywhere needin' to purchase a bible of any description. He was away on business for months at a time, sometimes totalling out at a year here and there. His disposition was sour, and his beliefs were such that I often wonder how it is that he ever got or kept his job. I myself have been perpetually the individualist. Might have something to do with my propensity to run away which appeared in me at the age of 10. Mind you, I did not run from my Mama. Those occasions when I saw fit to begone from her and my little brother were occasions when I was to stay with my aunt Millie -- whom I did not appreciate as the disciplinary type she frequently wished to resemble. The most recent such experience to the time I am relating to you found me caught by the police, and had my Mama travelling in Millie's car for a hundred or so miles to get me. I was positive this is why my daddy wanted to see me. I was more positive that I did not want to see him in regard to the matter. Mama and I had kept a secret about that time. It was obvious to the both of us that he had somehow found out. She told me a little bit about what I am, and all about what my daddy is. She said it had "become necessary" to tell me such things since apparently I was one of his kind instead of being like her, as she had hoped would be the case. You see, I had got into something of an altercation. No one can really remember clearly what happened, except they all knew it had been me who did it. All I remember is that I got very angry and felt that I had nothing to do but fight, then suddenly my opponent was quite seriously messed up. She had also been a runaway, and no real charges had been brought against me. We thought we were in the clear. Daddy came into the house with 3 of his work friends and I was summoned from the attic -- which had always sorta been my room. He introduced me to his work friends and made statements such as that he was proud of me. I learned that they had heard of the situation I had been in, and I learned that these were matters that neither they nor my daddy took lightly, though their emphasis on the event was a peculiar “we’re impressed” slant concerning my unforeseen proficiency to rend flesh. One of the men asked daddy what moon phase I had been born under... that was when I chose to make a mistake. “Of course you understand, Mister Nesbitt, that my daddy would have no indication or interest in that matter since he despises my existence. And I doubt that Mama remembers... after all, she had to get things in order right quick after I was born so that daddy knew nothing of me until he had sufficient distraction with the birth of my baby brother.” The change in my daddy was measurable, though he had never shown restraint in his anger with me before. Mama was clearly horrified. The men seemed to laugh in tolerance of the obviously unruly child that I was, and one of them patronizingly asked me if I had been having nightmares. I chose then to make another mistake. “Well, Mister Young, wouldn’t you? Assuming that you yourself could be in such an abusive situation and at the same time in the throes of early adolescence?” You might be wondering at my quotations, and how these sentences might have sprung from a 14 year old girl who was, indeed, just budding into puberty. I will say briefly that Mama never raised me to be ignorant or inobservant. Mama and her family made certain I could attain books and education, though some of it was inappropriately advanced for my age. I was quite the savant with language and science, though what world history I knew I could not relate in a logical manner to pass through grade 4 of the educational system. The men then spoke something to my father which I did not understand -- that is, they used a different language -- and left abruptly. My daddy growled at me as he left after them to get them in their cars. I would have been surprised and very afraid with that growl had Mama not already informed me that it was a perfectly natural gesture of dissatisfaction for his species. Mama was swift to action. She had understood what they said among themselves in that other language. I was certain that she was not supposed to have. She told me to run out the back door before daddy returned, her voice speaking as though I were about to be killed. She pushed a little bag into my hand and told me not to look at it until I was well away.