Subject: Poor Planning (This is funny in a tragic sort of way.)
Date: Sat, 17 Jun 2000 11:43:25 EDT
The following is an accident report, which was printed in the
newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in Block #3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor
Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller
explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was
working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I
completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when
weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500
lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to
lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to
the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the
rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and
untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in block #11 of the accident report form that my
weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the
ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to
let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid
rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third
floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at
an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in
Section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping
until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into
the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and
was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the
excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At
approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of
the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50
lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the
barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles,
broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the
barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell
into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae
were cracked.
I am sorry to report however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks
in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and
presence of mind and let go of the rope. I lay there watching the
empty barrel begin its journey back down to me. This explains
the two broken legs.
This explains why I cited "poor planning" as the cause of the
accident.
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