Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" The second
engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't
have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor
said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group
was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will
say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And
I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys
play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding
a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they
called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems
in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x"
in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is
where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked
perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his
charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where
to put it $49,999 It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build
targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."

Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog
then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the
frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess,
that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't
you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have
time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."