Victoria and Brandon

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, and so on
I went from happiness to heartache in a matter of seconds.
All these wires, tubes, and machines, so they can breathe
Stole every hope and dream of having two children safe and sound.

As the hours grew to days, and then weeks
I wondered who I was, suddenly feeling so lost and lonely.
Instead of feeling the euphoria of having twins,
I was feeling the side effects of becoming a parent to preemies.

In one second, I was angry at the world.
The second that followed, a smile would find its way on my face,
that just found out Brandon had gained an ounce
or that Victoria didn't stop breathing all day.

Not soon enough, I waited for the other shoe to drop,
waiting with anxiety building up ever so high
The second I heard the doctor's voice I knew,
the other shoe landed on my heart.

Still too soon to tell if time has been good to Victoria,
I pray her little brain has endured the bleedings.
A perfect sweet little girl on the outside
it scares me think what might be lingering inside.

I hear it time after time, "but they look fine"
I have also been told not to judge a book by its cover.
I'm not looking for the negative side of life, so don't misunderstand
I also can't allow myself to forget their first three weeks of life.

Motherhood has brought me so many joys,
so much closer to my own mother and sister,
but it has also brought feelings of deep sadness, torment and guilt.
Of course, only a mom would understand.

Victoria and Brandon,
two children forever perfect in my eyes,
have a road to travel different from most other children,
but its a road well traveled nonetheless.

As special as they are, they have made me special,
I, too, am traveling a road different then the one most parents take.
Its a road with many more curves, bumps, and bridges,
but for what I have gained from having to travel those roads, its well worth the ride.

For my babies, Victoria and Brandon, my love for you is endless...mom.