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The day had finally arrived, my twins were coming home with us. I remember the night before, I was going to room-in at the hospital, make sure the kids and I did okay being alone. I didn't get much sleep, every little noise Brandon made woke me up, Victoria woke up once to eat and went right back to sleep. Donnie and his friends, Juan and Cele came that night to visit with us. My new friends, Carolyn and Mark also came by and dropped off some gifts for the kids. I was nervous, it was my first night being a mom.
The morning after, after having no sleep, I was a bit wound up, still feeling nervous, but anxious to get my kids home. We dressed them up in these little outfits that fit them perfect for their tiny bodies. With monitors, diaper bag, and babies in car seats, a nurse escorted us to the front of the hospital. I had signed all the paperwork, and they were now ALL mine. We were in separate cars because Donnie didn't stay the night with me, and I had left my car in the parking garage overnight. I brought my car around, and we loaded up the kids, Victoria with Donnie and Brandon with me.
It felt weird that this little person, a little somebody with a soul, with feelings,with half of my genes was my baby and that his "other half" was in Donnie's car. They were finally all mine. No longer did I have to ask "permission" to this or that. It was something that I had been looking forward to for three long weeks of visiting hours, pumping every 3 hours, updates from the neonatalogists, crabby nurses, WONDERFUL nurses, scrubbing my hands and forearms for three minutes (though that rule still remained in effect at home), beeps, pulling the curtains for privacy, and all the other things in between.
As I walked in our apartment I remember feeling it wasn't the "same" as before. It was no longer quiet, and though the babies were sleeping when we came home, the apartment seemed to have come alive. It was late afternoon when we finally got home, I was so tired, and I knew I would be "tired" for months to come. Donnie was even acting different, as I'm sure he was feeling the same things I was, that we were finally in control of our twins' lives.
The next three months were a blur of feedings every three hours and a baby boy that cried every waking second of his life. I was beside myself with Brandon, I didn't know what to do, cuddling him made him pull away from me, he was just a very sensitive baby. A baby who was a preemie and got over stimulated rather easily. Victoria on the other hand didn't really fuss all that much. They slept in the same crib for almost 3 months, but they would end up waking each other up, and we figured it was time to put them in separate cribs when Brandon started sleeping through the night. I had started to sleep in their room on that trusty ol air mattress that I slept on when I was expecting them. It was easier on me, and I wouldn't wake up Donnie either. When Brandon was about a month into sleeping through the night, I finally went back to my bed. No longer was I a heavy sleeper, I could hear Victoria's soft grumblings when she was getting hungry. It got the the point where eventually she wouldn't really wake up when I fed her, she'd just eat, and keep on sleeping. Victoria has been diagnosed with PVL, a more generic name would be "brain bleeds". Victoria is a very alert, active little girl. She giggles, gives raspberries to anyone, smiles, and is even sporting two teeth. It had been thought that her bleeds would affect her vision but that has not been the case. She has perfect vision according to her opthalmalogist and perfect hearing as well. I have been in contact with ECI, Early Childhood Intervention, for Victoria's low muscle tone, feeding issues, and anything else we may find along the way. If it wasn't for my volunteering for the A.A.P.I. it never would have occurred to me that ECI can help me with the kids. Even though I have been making sure Victoria sees the doctors she's supposed to see, I feel as though I "lost" 7 months of help that she could have been getting.
UPDATE: 9-9-98
Victoria for the last two weeks has been working on getting herself on her hands and knees. She's on the verge of rocking, and it won't be long before she's totally mobile! She's also eating more and fussing less when it comes to feeding her with her bottle. She's truly come a long way in two short weeks!
Brandon is going to be the child who is going to do things on his own. He's so independent, and he has been since he's been born.
My mom and dad came over from California to visit us when the kids were about 6 weeks old. My parents had never been around a preemie let alone two. It was a little akward between my mom and Victoria, she was honest with me, she had never been around a baby that weighed less then 7 pounds...but that has since disappeared. They left back for CA one night, a few hours then expected, and I felt like a part of me was leaving with them. For the first time in my life, my mom and I have common ground between us, being moms. I know now what it is all that she has gone through and done for us (though she knows I have been grateful for it all through the years). Raising a family is not easy, let alone when that family comes all at once. She told me that she had always wanted twins, even while she was here dealing with the every three hour feedings and letting me discover the mom in me. She is a pro at being a mom, having 6 kids (one was stillborn), and when she was here, I always wanted her advice on certain situations about the babies and why they were doing this or that. She was my angel, and she was there when I needed her the most.
I have my own little family, and I'm thankful. I have gone through quite a few ups and downs in my short life, more downs then ups, and I tell myself, my twins and Donnie are my reward for making through.
UPDATE: 4-27-99 My kids are strong and healthy. They have developed along at their age, or adjusted age. TOday they are one day shy of turning 16 months old. Brandon the bigger of the two, has been walking for about two months solid now. Victoria is on the verge, this past week she has shown interest and has gotten around using her push cart. Its amazing how far they come from being born 7 weeks early. I look at their pictures throughtout the months and see the dramatic changes taking place every 30 days. At this point, I wish they would stay at this age forever. They aren't talking yet, but it won't be long before they do. (to be cnotinued)
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