"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice!"

--Dr. Sydney Freeman, M*A*S*H


"Anywhere I hang my underware is home."

--Don Hinkle, Jr. (circa 1982)


"Anywhere I plug-in my stereo is home."

--Ed Spies, answering Don Hinkle, Jr.

(Ed is my best friend)


"Your tale, sir, could cure deafness."

--Shakespeare, the Tempest


"I wish the fat lady would sing already."

--Don Hinkle, Jr. (circa 1983)


"My life is cluttered with empty white noise."

--Don Hinkle, Jr. (circa 1987)


"Each life touches many other lives."

--Clarence, It's a Wonderful Life


"Forgive us, Father, for we wanted you to know not what we do."

--Hawkeye, M*A*S*H


"If you will look this good when 900 you will be."

--Yoda, Return of the Jedi


"I have a cousin that looks like Yoda!"

--Ed Spies (circa 1983)


"Ed, I have a girlfriend that looks like Yoda, big shit!"

--Don Hinkle, Jr. (circa 1983)


"My dad asked me what I wanted for my birthday.  All I could think of was that old joke, so I told him.  I want a truck just like you...old and full of gas!"

--Vanessa R. Davis-Hinkle


"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows."

-- Bart Simpson (contributed by Scott Ahrent)


"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside a dog it is very dark."

- - Groucho Marx (contributed by Scott Ahrent)


 "A man is only as old as the woman he feels."

--Groucho Marx


"Some mornings just suck."

--Rich Martin


"Some people were just born to piss me off."

--Don Hinkle, Jr. to Rich Martin, circa 1998


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