The Things We Say

By Don Hinkle, Jr.
Staff Writer

George Carlin once said, "if you nail two things together that have never been nailed together before, some schmuck will buy it."  Is some
schmuck changing our language?

Each day our language metamorphisizes.  Despite dictionary's, thesauruses and grammar guides, each day someone creates another "slang" word, along with a whole new meaning.  No, I'm not referring to "ebonics" or "hillbillyonics," but rather the simple fact that we take tried and true words and distort them for a multitude of different reasons.

Yes, friends, the old standby's are gone.  No one watches "soap operas" anymore.  Today everyone watches "stories."  Years ago I stopped buying "petrol" and started buying "gas."  I still don't buy "Ethel" I just buy "unleaded."  I forgot what a "postage stamp" was, today I remembered to buy a "stamp."

When was the last time you went to a "yard sale?"  No, you probably went to a "sale barn."  You don't watch a movie on your "video cassette recorder."  Why should you when you could just use your "VCR?"  Remember "television?"  Why should you, when today you can watch "TV."

Even kids have jumped on the proverbial bandwagon.  Crayons are gone, "colors" are here.  They don't even "nap" anymore, now they "rest."  What are they resting for?  Probably to try and figure out why  Millions of hyper-active children suddenly have Attention Deficit Disorder, when twenty years ago, they just went through "a stage."

A few other changes have occurred.  "Deceased" became "passed away"  (I'm still trying to figure where they passed away to!)  "Bad" became "good," "rad" became "great" and "excellent" is even better.  While we had our ears closed, some one changed good old "money" to "bucks, clams, greenbacks, bread, salad, dead presidents (my favorite) and dough."

Now armed with all of this newly released information, you may ask, "what am I to do with it?"  The answer, my friend, is nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Zero. The big goose egg!

...and friends remember, if the door is baroque, just jiggle the handel!

Next time: A few expressions.

--Don