Santa's Christmas Party         T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house There were empties and butts left around by some louse. And the best quart I'd hid by the chimney with care Had been swiped by some bum who discovered it there.   My guests had all long since been poured in their beds To wake in the morning with lead in their heads. My mouth full of cotton, hung down to my lap Because I was dying for one more nightcap.   When through the north window there came such a clatter I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter. I gasped as I counted 8 frisky reindeer Pulling a load of extra-dry beer.   The wrinkled old driver had the look of a hick But I saw it was Santa, as tight as a tick. Staggering onward, those 8 reindeer came, While he hic-coughed and belched as he called them by name.   "On Schenley, on Seagram, we ain't got all night, You too Haig & Haig, and you too Black and White. Scram upon this roof, get off of this wall Get going you dummies, we've got a long haul!"   So up the roof went the reindeer and truck But a tree branch hit Santa before he could duck. And then in a twinkling I heard from the shingles An ear splitting oath that I knew was Kris Kringles.   So I pulled in my head, and I cocked a sharp ear Down the chimney he plunged, landing smack on his rear. He was dressed up in furs, no cuffs on his pants, And the way the guy squirmed, well I guess he had ants.   He had pints and quarts in the sack on his back, And a breath that would blow a freight train off the track. He was chubby and plump and he tried to stand right; But he didn't fool me, he was high as a kite.   He spoke not a word, but went straight to work And missed half the stockings, the plastered old jerk. Then putting 5 fingers to the end of his nose, He gave me the bird ........ Up the chimney he rose.   He sprang for his truck at so hasty a pace That he tripped on a cable, and slid on his face. But I heard him burp back with a trace of a leer "Merry Christmas to all, and a rousing New Year!"            BACK