RIGHT OF WAY
Something you're legally entitled to, but it requires somebody to give it to you, and if he doesn't, you haven't got it.

CYCLOPS
Traffic Policemen

LITTLE TIFF
Argument between 2 pigmies

GOLF
A game in which a ball 1.5" diameter is placed on another ball 8,000 miles in diameter. The idea is to hit the small ball and not the large one.

CLAUSTROPHOBIA
Excessive fear of having to buy Christmas presents.

HANGOVER
Something to occupy the head that wasn't used the night before.

HAPPY MARRIAGE
One in which a woman gives the best years of her life to the man who made them the best.

MIDDLE AGE
When you know your way around but don't feel like going.

BACKWARD COUNTRY
Country where payrolls are not carried in armoured cars.

DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS
The art of saying "Nice Doggie", while searching for a rock.

LIVING WAGE
Depends on whether you're giving it or getting it.

RESEARCH
What you do when you don't know what you're doing.

BACHELOR GIRL
Girl who's still looking for a bachelor.

CONSULTANT
Fellow you pay so he can borrow your watch and tell you the time.

BABY SITTER
A teenager who behaves like an adult, while the adults are behaving like teenagers.

BEST AGE FOR CHILDREN
When they're too old to cry but too young to borrow the car.

ETIQUETTE
The noise you don't make while eating soup.

EGOTIST
One who likes mirrors, but can't see what other people see in them.

DIET
What lets you eat all you want of all you don't like.

CHURCH
Not a hotel for saints but a hospital for sinners.

BROTHERHOOD OF MAN
Something that has too few Brothers and too many Hoods

HIGHBROW
Person who can use the word "whom" without feeling stupid.

DEFICIT
What you have if you don't have as much as you would have if you didn't have anything.

WORKING BEE VOLUNTEERS
Like blisters - they don't show up till the work is done.

MARRIAGE
Process whereby the Grocer gets the account the Florist used to have.

ULCER
Something you get, not from what you eat, but from what's eating you.

STATISTIC
Rather like sausages - depends on who makes them, who prepares them, who cooks them, and who swallows them.

CHILDREN
Not only a comfort in your old age, they help you reach it sooner.

ARGUMENT
Something that has two sides, but seldom an end.

IRRITATION
What you feel at not being invited to a function you wouldn't be seen dead at

HAPPINESS
Something that can be sought, taught, and thought, but never bought.