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Steps to Overcoming Addictions
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       The more positive steps you take, the easier your success can be. Here are examples (some of which you may already be doing):

• Attend support group meetings. Don't struggle alone. Group members provide encouragement, insight, accountability, friendship. All this can be a powerful help You can meet people who offer emotional support during times of temptation and weakness.
         When you first quit your addiction, and at times you feel weak, it may be good to go to a support group daily - or even more often.
         There are many groups for specific addictions. These organizations can probably suggest a whole series of meetings in your local area.
         Reserve regular times for meetings. Keep a schedule of meetings handy for when you need extra support.

• Develop and strengthen your supportive relationships. This can include people you'll meet in support group meetings as well as others you already know. Take the initiative to stay in touch with family and friends (but learn to avoid and defuse dysfunctional, addiction-prone situations).
         Try to stay in touch with people who matter to you. Work to improve your relationships. Many addicts tend to isolate themselves. But addictions are often fed by feelings of loneliness. Additional suggestions on relationships are below.

• Increase your social interaction. Many addicts have imperfect social skills. Conversationally Speaking* by Alan Garner (McGraw Hill) suggests specific ways to improve your social interactions.

• If your addiction is serious, you may enroll in a de-tox or recovery program. You might consider temporarily moving into a treatment facility.

• Check into other sources of help. As the Bible says, if you have a difficult challenge, seek many advisors. (The Bible has many helpful and hopeful passages.)

• Seek encouragement from others.

• Read books on addiction and psychology. One you'll probably find helpful is Willpower's Not Enough* by Arnold M. Washton and Donna Boundy (Harper & Row, Publishers). Although there is important and interesting info in the first two parts, you can just start with Part III, "Recovery." It is is filled with the most practical steps and insights.
         A New Guide to Rational Living* by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper (Wilshire Book Company) provides valuable insights on how our thinking affect our moods.
         Books can't deliver all the benefits of psychotherapy - but they can help.

• Learn how thought processes and situations trigger addictive behaviors - defuse or avoid them.

• Therapy and peer counseling can be very helpful for resolving emotional problems that cause self-sabotaging behaviors. It is hard for any of us to evaluate ourselves as well as a highly trained, experienced outside professionals can. See
         When Talk is Not Cheap, by Mandy Aftel and Robin T. Lakoff* (Warner Books) can help you choose from the many kinds of therapy and get more out of it.

• Get in touch with your emotions. Long-standing, deep emotional pain often drives addictions. There are ways to resolve this.
         Emotions are powerful. They often affect us more than we consciously realize.
         Addicts are often hurt by strong, pent-up, "negative" emotions such as anger, depression, feelings of abandonment. (Our emotions are not really negative, they’re part of life, but we need to find therapeutic, constructive ways to feel and express them.)

• Learn to overcome depression. Many addicts suffer bouts of serious depression - especially after they stop "drugging" themselves with addictive activities. But you can overcome depression.
         If you’re depressed, you won’t be able to appreciate all the good things life has to offer. And it does: As you work through what may be blocking you, you'll have many opportunities to share deeper, more fulfilling, supportive relationships with others.

• Consider doctor-prescribed medication. I believe even commercial drugs should be used only when necessary, but if you are seriously depressed, you might consider a prescription for anti-depressant medicine. This can help one think more clearly and work more effectively on underlying causes of depression and frustration.
         Some people consider the herb St. John's wort to be a desirable alternative. (But many herbal remedies have not had the rigorous, double-blind testing that supports the safety and effectiveness of commercial drugs.)
         If your situation is serious enough to consider even herbal remedies, it's probably serious enough to seek a qualified professional's opinion on what all your best options are.

• Allow yourself to feel good about the good things you do. Don't be hard on yourself when you make mistakes - even serious ones. (We all do.) Learn to be more relaxed. "Smell the flowers" - savor the experiences of a clear mind in the "sober" life.

• Make helpful checklists. Specific suggestions for your checklists are below. Refer to your lists regularly - particularly when tempted to forget.

  • To remind yourself during times of weakness, list the disadvantages of your addiction.

  • List the long-term advantages of quitting.

  • List positive alternatives you can do right away when feeling weak.       

• Cultivate hobbies and interests as fulfilling alternatives to your addiction.

• Join activities you find interesting. It=s a good way to meet new people you already share an interest with. You may not meet someone special every time, but at least you can enjoy the activity! Sharing an activity makes it easier to get to know new people.

• Meeting like-minded people can bring new, emotionally supportive friendships.
         A good example of uplifting fellowship is a Bible study/prayer group. "Organized religion" may seem out-of-style - but you can find warm, caring people who will help you grow in spiritual and practical ways. You can find great power in others praying with and for you.
         You may visit several congregations before you find one that feels best for you. Of course, beware of cults and fanatics that offer a quick, easy fix if you surrender blindly to their leaders.

• Get involved in volunteer activities where your contributions are meaningful and appreciated. Helping others is a good way to help ourselves. It gives meaning, structure and an additional reason to be strong.
         Volunteer work that provides plenty of contact with others is particularly helpful.
         Avoid volunteering where there's close contact with temptations. For example, an ex-alcoholic can avoid volunteering next-door to where drinking buddies hang out.

• In fact, be aware of "a.i.d.s." (apparently irrelevant decisions), like an ex-alcoholic driving by a bar he liked because that's a more scenic route or a sex-addict taking a "short cut" through an area with prostitutes.

• Many addicts find it necessary to end contact with addiction buddies.

• Take care of yourself. Eat better. Exercise. Have appropriate concern for your appearance.
         Just as fixing up run-down neighborhoods often brings lower crime rates, our own personal surroundings can affect our behavior. You need not spend alot to make your home more beautiful and comfortable. And if it's messy, clean it up.

• If you believe, God can be a powerful source of help. If you don't believe, try asking God for help, anyway. This can help focus you on positive belief in change. And feel free to tell the Lord about your doubts and frustrations.
         God can do anything, the Bible assures us, but you have to ask - and be open to your prayers being answered. Ask God for the wisdom to know what's right to do - and the ability and opportunity to succeed.

• Meditation can be a source of relaxation. To benefit you need not join pseudo-religious groups that charges large fees.

       If you find yourself giving in to your addiction, remember that every moment is an opportunity to resume your recovery. Don=t beat yourself up, this only leads to more emotional pain and the temptation to give in again - a vicious cycle.

       Congratulations on the steps you've already taken to overcome your addiction. Reading this letter shows you want to change. Each step you take brings you closer to success.

       Keep trying. Victory is within your reach!

PS: Remember, great changes may not happen right away. With effort, the difficult can become easy (:-).

IMPORTANT NOTES: The steps above are only suggestions. Some different or additional steps may be necessary.
       For addictions or psychological problems, it is strongly recommended that one see a professional therapist. A highly-trained professional who knows your particular situation can help you decide what steps are best for you.

*The books listed above may be available in your local library or bookstore. On-line stores like Amazon Books (http://www.amazon.com) and Barnes and Noble (http://www.barnesandnoble.com/) can probably get you the books quickly.

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