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New Insights on Sexual Identity

Causes of Same-Sex Attraction
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     Sexuality is complex. Usually there are no easy answers. But some patterns are quite common and eye-opening for many who have same-sex attraction.

This page is specifically about male psycho-sexual development, but similar patterns also apply to females.

    Many gay and bi men had at least some of these experiences growing up:

  • Emotionally distant or cruel father
  • Overly cold or warm relationship with mother
  • Unathletic, perhaps both attracted and disgusted by the rough and tumble play of other boys their age
  • Loneliness - rejected by peers
  • Verbally, physcially and/or sexually abused

     As explained by many experienced therapists, here is a typical, "normal" development pattern for heterosexual males:

About the first four years are in their mother's tender, warm care. It is natural to distance themsleves from this and begin establishing a more masculine identity, starting about the age of four.

A stronger relationship with father or other older male mentor and is then sought.

They like to pretend being construction workers, soldiers, cowboys, train engineers, etc. They play almost exclusively with other boys their age and often "hate" girls their age. A stong interst in watching and playing sports develops.

At about 12 years, it becomes natural to desire what is missing. Ironically, the veyr males who hated little girls and lived in a hyper-masculine identity, miss the warmth, softness, emotional warmth and femininity of girls. this becomes sexualized during puberty.

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www.straight.org/causes.html posted January 31, 1999

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