StraightNews
New Insights on Sexual Identity
Web site © 1998
Towards Complete Mental Health
Each of us has unrealized
potential -
here are practical steps towards fulfillment
Copyright
1998 by HMN, Inc. Used by permission.
You are
invited to print out this letter as a "To
Do" list. We suggest re-reading it on a regular
basis, to help you think of new, constructive things
to do.
More
of this Web site below
You may be doing
many of these suggestions - but there's probably still
helpful ideas for you:
Admitting
there's a problem is already a good step (and a difficult
one for many people).
The more positive steps you take, the
easier your success can be.
Here are examples (some of which you may already be
doing):
Read
books on psychology. One you'll probably find
helpful is A New Guide to Rational
Living* by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper
(Wilshire Book Company). It provides valuable
insights on how our thinking affects our moods.
Books
can't deliver all the benefits of
psychotherapy - but they can help.
Learn how
thought processes and situations trigger
self-sabotaging moods and behaviors - so
you can better defuse or avoid them.
Therapy and
peer counseling can be very helpful for
resolving emotional problems. It is hard for any
of us to evaluate ourselves as well as a highly
trained, experienced outside professional can.
When Talk is Not Cheap, by Mandy Aftel and
Robin T. Lakoff* (Warner
Books) can help you choose among many kinds of
therapy and get more out of it.
Get in
touch with your emotions. Long-standing, deep
emotional pain can keep us from finding
fulfillment. There are ways to resolve this.
Emotions
are powerful. They often affect us more than we
consciously realize.
Many
people continue to be hurt by strong, pent-up,
"negative" emotions such as anger,
depression, feelings of abandonment. (Our
emotions are not really negative, they’re
part of life, but we need to find therapeutic,
constructive ways to feel and express them.)
Learn to
overcome depression. If you’re
depressed, you won’t be able to appreciate
all the good things life has to offer. And it
does: As you work through what may be blocking
you, you'll have many opportunities to share
deeper, more fulfilling, supportive relationships
with others.
Consider
doctor-prescribed medication. You may
agree that medical drugs should be used only when
necessary, but if you are seriously depressed,
you might consider a prescription for
anti-depressant medicine. This can help one think
more clearly and work more effectively on
underlying causes of depression and frustration.
Some
people consider the herb St. John's wort to be a
desirable alternative. (But many herbal remedies
have not had the rigorous, double-blind testing
that supports the safety and effectiveness of
commercial drugs.)
If your
situation is serious enough to consider even
herbal remedies, it's probably serious enough to
seek a qualified professional's opinion on what
all your best options are.
Allow
yourself to feel good about the good
things you do. Don't be hard on yourself when you
make mistakes - even serious ones. (We all
do.) Learn to be more relaxed. "Smell the
flowers" - savor the experiences of a clear
mind in the "sober" life.
Cultivate
hobbies and interests as fulfilling
alternatives to your addiction.
Join
activities you find interesting. It=s a good way to meet new
people you already share an interest with. You
may not meet someone special every time, but at
least you can enjoy the activity! Sharing an
activity makes it easier to get to know new
people.
Meeting
like-minded people can bring new,
emotionally supportive friendships.
A good
example of uplifting fellowship is a Bible
study/prayer group. "Organized
religion" may seem out-of-style - and you
may have had some imperfect experiences with it -
but you can find a congregation with warm, caring
people. They could help you grow in spiritual and
practical ways. You can find great power in
others praying with and for you.
You may
visit several congregations before you find one
that feels good for you. Of course, beware of
cults and fanatics that offer a quick, easy fix
if you surrender blindly to their leaders.
Take care
of yourself.
Eat better. Exercise. Have appropriate concern
for your appearance.
Just as
fixing up run-down neighborhoods often brings
lower crime rates, our own personal surroundings
can affect our moods and behavior. You need not
spend too much to make your home more beautiful
and comfortable. And if it's messy, clean it up.
Attend
support group
meetings. See
Self-Help
and Support Group Links.
These organizations
can probably suggest a whole series of meetings
in your local area. If you've had an addiction,
we will add info on "Becoming an Ex-Addict" soon.
Develop and
strengthen your supportive relationships. This can include people
you'll meet in support group meetings as well as
other friends and family members. Take the
initiative to stay in touch with people (but
learn to avoid and defuse dysfunctional
situations).
Try to
stay in touch with people who matter to you. Work
to improve your relationships. Many people tend
to isolate themselves. But depression and
neurosis is often fed by isolation. Additional
suggestions on relationships are below.
Increase
your social interaction. Many people have
imperfect social skills. Conversationally
Speaking* by Alan Garner (McGraw Hill)
suggests specific ways to improve your social
interactions.
Check into
other sources of help. As the Bible says, if you have a
difficult challenge, seek many advisors. (The Bible
has many helpful and hopeful passages.)
Seek
encouragement from Inspirational
literature and other sources.
If you
believe, God can be a powerful source
of help. If you don't believe, try asking God for help,
anyway. This can help focus you on positive
belief in change. And feel free to tell the Lord
about your doubts and frustrations.
God can
do anything, the Bible assures us, but you have
to ask - and be open to your prayers being
answered. Ask God for the wisdom to know what's
right to do - and the ability and opportunity to
succeed.
Meditation can be a source of
relaxation. You need not join pseudo-religious
groups that charge large fees to benefit.
Congratulations
on the steps you've already taken. Reading this letter
shows you want to change. Each step you take
brings you closer to greater success and fulfillment.
Keep
trying. Victory is
within your reach!
PS: Remember, great changes may not happen
right away. With effort, the difficult can become easy
(:-).
To: Top of Page
For groups that work on a
wide range of specific issues, see also: Encyclopedia of
Associations, available in most libraries
E-mail:
*The books
listed above may be available in your local library or
bookstore. Commercial, on-line stores like Amazon
Books
(http://www.amazon.com) and Barnes and Noble (http://www.barnesandnoble.com/) can
probably get you the books quickly.
IMPORTANT NOTE: The steps above are only suggestions. Some
different or additional steps may be advisable.
For
psychological problems, it is strongly recommended that
one see a professional therapist. A highly-trained
professional who knows your particular situation can help
you decide what steps are best for you.
To: Top of Page
Suggestions - personal
stories - opinions and insights invited:
E-mail:
mail@straight.org
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March 9, 1998 at www.straight.org/psychxg.html
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February 1, 1999
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