Reasons to Change: One Man's Experience with Sexual Identity

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Reasons to Change: One Man's Experience

This is a list one man made of why he wanted to change. Since making this, he reports substantial progress. "The list alone is not enough, but it helps," he reports. Other helps for change are elsewhere in this site.

You may conclude this guy is somewhat opinionated, though he assures us this it's based on many years' experience in the gay world. We think you'll find this list somewhat thought-provoking.

Note: The list has some duplication in it. We have an OK to edit it, but wanted to put it on line right away for you to see the full range of his thoughts.

PART I. WHAT IT DOES TO ME
This is one of several parts: Intro & Summary | Part 1: What It Does to Me | Part 2: What It Does to Others | Part 3: Additional Reasons to Change | More of this Web site below

FEELINGS/PSYCHOLOGICAL

GUILT:

In the long run, I find feelings of guilt and other negative emotions always cost more than the pleasure is worth
Guilt and fear are not always desirable, but I feel lucky I hesitate to dive further into homosexuality

PEACE/RELAXATION - thinking how I'll feel once I've won:

The assurance that I'm doing the right thing could pervade my life!
People won't know why, but they'll see how.
Instead of constant anxiety, I'll have peace of mind.
I can look forward to wonderful rewards.
An end to fear

HAPPINESS, SPIRITUAL BLISS - TAP INTO THE RESERVOIR OF JOY!

My life would really be enjoyable. I can feel REALLY GOOD about life NOW! NOT as a future abstraction. As soon as I do the right thing, I can start feeling great. And if I keep doing what's right, I can feel very good all the time. I can have a spiritually peaceful mood. I can also feel:

A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT

I can really ENJOY my victories.
Self expression: artistic, career, positive social life and a lasting romantic connection with a woman

DIGNITY: Replace degradation with a sense of worth.

SECURITY

My impurity is my window of vulnerability, otherwise I feel defensiveness, I'm "like a city without walls."
Nothing to hide.
No fear of terrible punishments.

PSYCHOLOGICAL - These accomplishments would mean a quicker end to therapy!

B. INTELLECTUAL

1. END MENTAL STIFLING - After I stop wasting so much time with sexual addiction, I can learn so much more. I can also find people to intellectually stretch myself. I can use my knowledge for very good and productive things!

2. BE WISE - See through the attraction: IT LOOKS great but it can hurt me - BAD!

C. PHYSICAL/HEALTH

Fall asleep when I want to, sleep soundly with better dreams.
Wake up refreshed.
Enjoy robust good health.
Less risk of disease.
Less stress means:
- Catching colds less often
- No ulcers. Better digestion.
- Slow my aging process.

D. SOCIAL/ROMANTIC/SEXUAL

1. FRIENDSHIP

a. SAFETY

End risk of associating with young trouble. Decrease danger of staying in abusive friendships because of my physical attraction to someone
Can share my victories.
No need to cancel non-existent danger ("dates" with trouble) or worry about not canceling, or miss what I never approached. Instead, I can move toward good things.
I can build a supportive network.

b. FULFILLING FRIENDSHIPS

I've never found any lasting friendships in the sexually active gay world
Instead, I've found many who are cold, nutty, irresponsible, gossipy
An ability to have fully constructive friendships, male and female.
What is great friendship and love like? I can finally, fully find out.

2. ROMANTIC

I can seek deep, lasting love where I'm much more likely to find it.
Stop jerking off with false pleasure. I can enjoy sex with a true sense of Making Love.
An ability to get married which could reduce or end: loneliness ... insecurity ... conspicuous lack of attachment ... fear of disease ... no one to support and share my dreams each day ... lack of intimacy ... absence of strong personal love ... openness to misguided "love" ... the empty feeling that comes from being alone so much of the time
End absurd situation where the more attractive and nicer they seem, the more seductive they can be.

3. MY IMAGE/REPUTATION/CONFIDENCE

Greater mastery of the image I present to people and ALL the rewards that could bring.
Don't provide a ready, easy way for gossipy people to slander me.
An end to defenselessness from "friendly" hostility. An better ability to prevent people putting me down.
No need to worry if someone hints they've found me out.
Difficult to project strength with this weakness pulling at my unconscious.
I can change and project strong, confident self-assurance.
Think of all the benefits that brings including charisma and strength of character.
Asinine people can't so easily make fun of me!

E. ACHIEVEMENT - an end to so much of my inanity.

1. TIME AND MONEY, EFFORT AND ENERGY - It's a ROARING waste of time! I can have more time and energy for:

Getting a better job
Hobbies
Friends

Starting now, an end to compulsive activities that are boring and repetitive and mind-numbing. Think:

I can do what I want - NO more wasting many hours at a time. (That's what it almost always leads to.)
It's the same skills, same amount of effort but very different results depending on which desire I seek to serve.
That which is easy can become very difficult. The difficult (or "impossible" may become easy.

INERTIA -

2.CONTROL OF MY LIFE!

I can control of my life! I've done it time and again, more and more. Keep going!
Don't let what is really just inertia ruin my life. Time and again for years, I've seen what "a little" inertia can do. I can choose efforts that lead towards success or disaster.
There's such a difference between a life without control and one lived with consistently strong purpose.

a.GENERAL CONTROL

My luck seems to be finally changing - dramatically - for the better. Let's keep it that way! Don't blow it!
It controls me. But I can control it - that's freedom!
Assert and get what I want.
Be what I want - realize my full potential
Once started don't know where the problem will stop. It can become VERY serious. And I'm SOOOO near TOTAL victory.
No constant agitation to look.
I shouldn't have tried, I should have... It's a no win conflict till I overcome it.
Why let evil action take over my life?
Anything of beauty or interest that I experience while seeking "attractive" trouble is nothing compared to all the beautiful things I can have when I get control of my life. This includes nice people, interesting conversations and things to write about.

TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE. Enough already!

Build the ability to "walk through" situations which could now drag me down into nervousness, awkwardness, temptation, etc. Yes, pass right through them. No walking around in a daze with fear in my eyes.

b. CONTROL OVER WHAT I SAY/ETHICAL STRENGTH

No compulsively saying awkward things with guilt filling my life.
The ethical ability to say the right things that life calls for and not go along with stupidity. There's so many truthful, helpful things that need saying and I am highly capable of saying them.
Weakness won't envelop me where the situation calls for assertiveness, initiative, competition. Rather, I can respond with positive drive.
No pervading feelings of nervousness and inadequacy as I listen. to someone say they enjoy life (on a very superficial level).
One way supports and adds to everything I value most. The other way only detracts.
I can tell others what's wrong with their life. I can really help them. There will be the power of purity behind my words.

c. FREEDOM

I can go outside whenever I want. I can go where I want and end up there, rather than some stupid bar! I'll have time to go to really interesting places.

Free up much energy that went into this struggle, for more constructive and creative activities

3.CAREER/AVOCATION

An accelerated move towards career success.
Success without constant fear and danger of failure.
Less compulsive need to make a fool of myself at awkward times. No disastrous consequences to live down.
With strong confidence, I'll request raises, better jobs and career, plus many other benefits.
End of danger of total ruination.
Steady progress in fulfilling hobbies. Maybe even turn them into a vocation.

HELPING THE WORLD

I can put great force into my call for an end to foolishness, shortsightedness and selfishness.
I could make miraculous progress toward the highest goals - if only I give up this habit - totally, once and for all. I can readily prove how true this all is.
I can help change other people's lives!
Or, I could be a pitiable victim the REST of my life as opportunities fade away.

5.SPIRITUAL

I can accuse and/or worship God with a clean heart. If I'm just I may not need to do any accusing, I may have so much more to be grateful for.
Fear of the Lord. How can I think suffering can't be real and terrible when I've already been through it so much and so often.
See Psalm 36:1-5, and Psalm 37.

This is one of several parts: Intro | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | More of this Web site below

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In this site:
Intro - Home Page | A Letter to You | A Personal Story
"The Debate" - Causes of Same-Sex Attraction | Is Anything Wrong with Gay Life? | Reasons to Change | What The Bible Really Says
Practical Advice - How Change is Possible | Mental Health | Overcoming Addictions
Resources - Complete Map of This Site | Other Helpful Sites and Orgs | Good Books
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