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New Insights on Sexual Identity

Reasons to Change: One Man's Experience

PART III. ADDITIONAL REASONS FOR CHANGE
This is one of several parts:  Intro  |  Part 1  |  Part 2  |  Part 3  |  More of this Web site below

Think of uncaring, insensitive people I've known, who hurt me in my weakness. I don't want them dancing on my grave.

THE TIME IS NOW

• The only way to stop is to stop! STOP COLD!
• If I stop now I could always go back later. (But why would I want to?)
• Actually, all I have to do is one day at a time.
• If I can do it TODAY, I can really do it once and for all!
• Stop letting fear and inertia keep me from doing what is right.
• I've been trying to do this all my life. I put most of this list together between '84 and '87. NOW, finally I really have the ability to.

So ... DO IT!

• This is the single most important obstacle I must surmount.
• An end to constant struggle that eats up all my energy.
• If I get involved, I may find it impossible to get out of it (alive.. In fact, the best time to cut it off is before it starts. That may be me ONLY chance.
• I could quickly get comfortable with it and end up just where I started. Or worse, years of struggle down the toilet.
• Patience. I usually don't have to wait long to feel good about rejecting this wrong.
• The sooner I give it up, the easier -- and safer -- it will be.
• The BEST that could be said for the prospect of such attractions is that it could delay my victories. But it could be much worse, with after effects years down the road
• -- when I least want or expect them. It'll be much less effort to overcome it quickly. I'll quickly start feeling better.

6. FUTURE SUMMARY:

• doing what's right:
• Fulfilling career
• Fulfilling love life
• Fulfilling sex life
• High feelings of clear-headedness
• And end to fear.
• All the above reasons may not impress me now, but when I start reaping what I've sown, I'll UNDERSTAND.
• I wouldn't have to keep reading this or doing other boring things to help me control myself!
• No constant looking askance (angry and misguided).
• Shower in locker rooms without fear.

B. ALTERNATIVE THINGS TO DO

• when it hits hard, counter with alternate activities:
• network of supportive friends, make and follow ToDo Social Life
• Remember, a setback is only temporary. You can get back on track RIGHT NOW! Assert what you really want (see list of goals).
• call a supportive friend
• Feel Good about life
• Artistic pursuits.
• spend an hour trashing junk papers from files
• stand on my head, punch a pillow, draw a picture
• Get out of the house to: walk or run, movie, go to library, buy a book or magazine, ride your bike - fast, see movie, get activity schedules from various organizations, talk to a stranger, buy ice cream, get a sketch pad and draw, go to hear music, recruit friend for spur of moment interesting activities

B. WHY I HAVE MY PROBLEMS - understand what leads to acting out so can better head it off ahead of time, what sets it off, self esteem boredom

C. PICTURE MY IDEAL WIFE

1. BEAUTY

• She's a tall, dark -haired, suntanned beauty.
• Her eyes radiate intelligence, sincerity, warmth and understanding.
• (Her face is beautiful, without need of makeup.
• Her figure is 'beautiful. Naturally full firm breasts, thin waist, nice hips. Her legs are long and shapely. She doesn't need high heels for them to look sexy.
• She's 21 - 25 at most. Athletic and robustly + healthy.

2. INTELLIGENCE - She is intellectually stimulating. We have wonderful conversations. Great sense of humor.

3. RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN US

• Her moral, ethical values are high and she lives by them.
• She's warm and supportive. She sees so much of value in me, as I do in her. Together we bring out the best in each other.
• We may not get perfectly every minute, but we are both open to quickly resolving any differences.
• It feels so good just to be with her.
• She's loving and caring for me and our many children.
• We support each other in the attainment of our highest ideals.
• She's so worth waiting for. I know I'll find her. Just a matter of time.
• Someday soon we'll meet.
• Even before I meet her, I know she's beautiful. I'm looking forward to her, I do what I can to bring her closer. I want to put my life in the best possible order for her and our children, too.
• Yes, someday soon we'll meet.
• I've saved myself for you, honey. Even before we met, I dedicated myself to you. Together we can be so wonderful. Oh, baby!

4. SCENES/IMAGES

• walking in the country, blossoming apple trees, intimate, warm conversations together, sitting down by a beautiful brook, hearing gentle gurgling in the dappled sunlight, kissing, hugging on a blanket in the summer warmth
• enjoying sexual success that's a full affirmation of life
• enjoying our children playing in the sunlight
• having dinner with other friendly couples.

This is one of several parts:  Intro  |  Part 1  |  Part 2  |  Part 3  |  More of this Web site below

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