We always said that we would like to adopt, after we had biological children. But after trying four three and a half years with a mild fertility drug we decided to go ahead with our adoption plan. We are planning to adopt an older special needs child or children. We are going though our local DSS office. We have a comfortable house with a park about a block away. We have two dogs, D.J. and Ripley. We can take one or two kids, under the age of eight. Race does not matter, our family is already mixed with African American and Hispanic. This could give a child of mixed race someone to relate with. We can offer a child a lot. We like to travel and see new things. We both know how important education is, and will do everything we can to help a child be all they can. We are still in the process of getting certified, our social worker said that we should be by the end of January, but I think they always underestimate.
We are very much looking forward to being parents, hopefully our wait won't be much longer. We will update as things happen.
Febuary 13, 1998
Well we are not certified yet. It seems that since I have lived in other states I have to have background checks in those as well. The lady in charge said it would be three or four months to get the results back. This I'm not too happy about, but whatever it takes I guess.
April 21, 1998
Lets see, whats new. Our social worker (Ryce Hatchet) got a new job. We really liked him a lot, he is now working in inter-country adoptions. He brought our new social worker (Betty) to meet us. She seems nice and very knowledgable, especially about the kids in care. Other than that nothing else about the adoption is new. Still no word on my background check. School is almost over, I have about two weeks till finals. I hope to get a lot done over break. One project is to work on this page.
GREAT NEWS: I just found out that my background check is back. So hopefully it won't be to much longer until we are certified.
May 19, 1998
I talked to our worker today, she said that she was sending out our homestudy today for the cabnet to approve. So hopefully that means in about two weeks we should be CERTIFIED! There may actually be an end to this. It seems like it is taking forever...the waiting is hard.
May 29, 1998
It has been ten days since Betty sent in our homestudy, and no news yet. We have been working on getting beds ready. A friend gave us a cute twin bed with a trundle under it. I painted it white and will let the kids decide how, and with what to decorate it. Just for the record this is NOT a birthmother letter. I was turned down by one of the adoption rings because they thought that is what it was. We are going through our states special needs program, and hope to adopt one or two children between the ages of 2 and 11. We are not soliciting anything. This journal is just to help others who are going through the process or are concidering it. I know these kind of sites help, they have helped me when we were deciding if this was the right thing to do. You kind of feel alone during this process, there are not many people who have gone through this and it is nice to be able to see other people’s experences.
May 30, 1998
We got the letter today. We are officially CERTIFIED!
June 16,1998
While looking through our states photolisting book I saw that the two kids we were very interested in before we signed up for classes, were available again. They are part of the reason we started the process when we did:) I called our worker and she is sending a letter of interest. Their names are Dustin and Destiny and are 7 and 5. We hope that we are a match for them, but are trying not to get overly excited.
June 30, 1998
Today is my mothers 50th birthday. I called Betty(SW) earlier this week to see if she had heard anything. She said that she hadn't and that she wouldn't unless we were picked :( But she also said that the kids worker only had until July 1st to review our homestudy. So I guess we should know something soon, I hope.
July 7, 1998
Still have not heard anything so it is starting to look like we didn't get picked:( I guess the waiting gets harder and harder. I just really wish they would tell us that we were not picked so we could move on. Not knowing is whats bothering me. Things seem to move sooooooo slow.
July 14, 1998
We never did hear anything about Dustin and Destiny so today I called Betty and asked her to do another inquiry. This one is a four year old boy, there is some question about allergies. They do not know if he is allergic to dogs(he has other allergies) but his case worker said that if it came down to picking a family with dogs they would just have him tested. He is really cute but I am having a hard time giving up on the other two. Honestly, a lot harder than I imagined it would be. We will just have to see what happens. Actually being picked for a child will probably make a big difference in how I feel. I think maybe I am kind of protecting myself, trying to keep it at arms lenght.
August 5, 1998
We have not heard anything about the 4 year old boy that we inquired about either, so we probably did not get matched with him either. We got in to the NACAC national conference. It starts on the 13th and goes to the 16th of this month. One of the workshops is given by a SNAP worker from Louisville. It is on fathering and attachment, David will be taking it. I have told him to be very nice and to let the guy know who we are and who our worker is. My friend Jenn finally got officially approved and now she is waiting also. You go from waiting for one thing to another, but this has to be the most difficult.
December 28, 1998
A lot has happened since my last entry. I removed this journal from our web page because Betty thought it might be misunderstood as advertising. All that I wanted it to be was a log of how things happened throughout the process. I thought it might help someone else starting the process to here about how things work. For now I will leave it off, but when we get matched I will put it back on. If we have a child there is no way it could be misunderstood. I finished another semester. In November we did an inquiry on two little girls (Whitney and Garnetta), we never heard anything back. And on the 21st of this month Dec., we asked about a child we had seen on Thursdays child. As of yet we have not had any response. I don’t know too much about Crystal, they didn’t even say how old she is, but we thought it was worth a try. At least it means another worker has seen our homestudy, this one is from the Lexington area.
January 17, 1999
Five days ago Betty called to say that we had a referral! Wow after all this waiting, (I know it hasn’t really been that long, it just seems like it to me) it doesn’t seem quite real. We have not quite decided about accepting yet. We have decided we would like to know more and are going to ask to talk to the boys foster family. There are two of them, a boy age 9 and a girl age 8. They are not living in the same home right now. We are thinking very hard about it, they deserve a family who can help them have a happy life.
January 22, 1999
Well we made a decision, we decided that we could not deal with all of Scott’s problems. He needs an experienced family. Even though I know we made the right decision I still feel sad. I hope that they find a family soon or that they at least let the girls foster family adopt her. They would have had a hard time giving her up. Betty called the day after we said no to tell us that we probably made the right decision. She also said that she was looking at another situation for us and to hold on. She was a big help with the other situation, taking time to explain how everything would have to be with this child (Scott). Now we are waiting again, this part is not fun but there are things that you just can’t rush.
March 2, 1999
Betty called to tell us that there was a newborn baby at the hospital. He was biracial caucasion/hispanic, he was small, 4lb 9.5oz. It would be legal risk, because the mother could change her mind. We would be foster parents for awhile before we could legally adopt him. "Did we want him?" Of course we did! She said that he would probably be able to go home tomorrow, so we had shopping to do. We spent that morning and afternoon trying to get things together. We had almost nothing for a baby, a few sleepers and a couple of blankets was all. We bought onesies and a carseat, formula, diapers and bottles. Things were happening fast. While out Betty called us and told us that we could come to the hospital to meet him! She said that he is a really pretty baby, she was right. He as a lot of black hair and blue eyes (for now). We asked Betty what his name was and she said that the birth mother wanted to leave that up to the adoptive parents. I can't believe we even get to name him! We took turns holding him, and talking about names. David still liked the name Malicai but I don't. We finally decided on Jacob Edward. I guess we were there for and hour and a half. But we had to leave because we still had lots to do.
March 3, 1999
I got up and went to class, but my mind was not there:) I left early because we were to be at the hospital at noon. David and his dad went out and bought a crib. I meet Betty in the cafateria and sat with her while she ate. She said that his mother called because she was feeling weird. Betty suggested that I write her a letter. I wanted to do that anyway but I don't want to push her. We signed more paperwork before talking with the nurses and doctor. Betty had to get us a foster parents license. She has really been great, the most on the ball person I have ever met. Then we got to go up and see him. I still can't believe this is happening! We talked to a resident in training, who turned out to be the brother of someone David went to school with. Then I dressed him and we took him home. But not before we took pictures:) David brought his dad along for that reason. And his mother and her boss came over on their lunch break. But they only got to see him through the glass. This all just seems meant to be, he will fit right into our family. It is kind of odd but he looks a little like David. He has the broad nose and a little cleft in his chin.
March 4, 1999
The baby was up all night. I think that he was in pain from the circumcision. We took turns staying up and holding him. My mom and Mitchel came up to see him today. Also David's mom and Dad. He has slept most of today, I guess he was just exausted.
April 22, 1999
The court date to terminate the birth parents rights was today. Betty said that everything went well. She said that the birth mother did well during the hearing but she cried afterwards. She said that she knew she was doing the right thing but it was hard. I can not imagine the strenght she must have to be able to do this. And while I am extremely relieved I am also sad for her. Betty said she got a picture of Jacob's sister for us and she took some pictures of his birthmother. I am glad, I wanted them but was afraid to ask.
April 30,1999
Today was a hard day! Jacob had his two month checkup. They gave him four shots. He screamed and I almost cried. On wednesday Betty stopped by. She had gotten a letter from the hospital. It seems that there was a varient in Jacob's sickle cell hemoglobin test and they wanted to have it redone. So I took him to smith cline beachum's lab and they took blood after his doctors appointment. Poor little guy, he acts like he is in pain. It is very hard to watch him suffer and not be able to do anything for him. I just keep trying to tell myself that it is better for him in the long run. But it is no wonder why we grow up hating the doctor:( We should now the results of the test by Tuesday of next week.
June 14, 1999
We got the results of the blood test. He still has a varient but it is within the normal range. Just to be safe they want him to be tested at a year old. We have found a lawyer and are going to sign the acceptance papers this week. So hopefully it will not be to long until Jacob is ours forever. He is so great!!!! He is very verbal and smiles all the time. He is also rolling over but not when I am watching, he does it during his nap. He went to the doctor on Friday, he now weighs 9lb 9.2oz and is 21 inches long. We have to go back on the 29th for his four month shots:( I hate watching him in pain.
September 21, 1999
A lot has happened since I last posted an update. We have a lawyer, Tom Shipp. Jacob has a lawyer, Janice Rogers. All the reports are in and we have a date for finalization! On october the 1st Jacob will be legally ours forever, although in our hearts he already is. He has two new teeth and it sitting up pretty well and crawls all over the place. We have had our first vacation. We when to Maryland to visit friends. Jacob was so good the whole time. He is just 7 days away from being 7 months old and is 12 lbs 4 oz and 24 1/2 inches long.
October 5, 1999
Well we are offically a family now! It took a while for it to sink in, but I think it finally has. Jacob is ours forever! The hearing on the 1st went really well. Betty came, I did not know that she was coming and I don't think that she really had to be there but she came anyway. The judge told us we were very lucky to have such a beautiful happy baby. Then Betty said that Jacob was lucky as well. I hope she stays working were she does now because if we do this again I want her to still be our worker. I hope to get some adoption anouncements made but the pictures I took will not be back for two weeks. Jacob has had a runny nose and a cough, he seems a little better today though.
January 13, 2000
So much has happened since I last updated this page. Jacob and I flew to Tampa to visit family. He had his first Christmas, which was great. He loves the walking toy that daddy got him, he is also cruzing all over the place. His two top teeth have finally come through and he has a little gap like his birth sister. Now for the really sad news...I got two calls from DSS yesterday. One from the one of the workers who replaced Betty and one from Betty herself. It seems that on January the 8th Jacobs birth mother died in a house fire. It has hit me hard. My dreams for his future included her and his birth sister. Now he will never got the chance to know her. She will never be able to tell him that the reason she placed him for adoption is because she loved him so much. I will continue to tell him this but it would have been better if he could have heard it from her. I can't imagine how hard this is for her other child. Today I called the funeral home and found out what cemetary she was at. We took some tulips for her, it just does not seem like enough. And it does not seem right for someone so young to die.
April 3, 2000
Jacob has had his first birthday. We went to Sontino's for his party, but he wasn't feeling very well. He got lots of gifts and LOTS of attention. He started walking on his own two weekends ago, but the next week he didn't want to have anything to do with walking. But this weekend he started again, although not as much as before. David and I are talking about putting our name back on the adoption waiting list. I really would like to adopt a girl this time but I could not say no to a boy if I was offered one. I am working on getting the other bedroom back into a bedroom instead of a junk room. We will be selling the waterbed in the guest bedroom so we can get the wieght machine out of the small bedroom.
November 2, 2000
It has been a really long time since I updated this journal! We didn't put our names back on the adoption waiting list after Jacobs first birthday like I thought we might, but we are now talking about it again. We got a call from the adoption unit a couple of weeks ago, they needed to find a place for two kids. It was a foster care placement but it didn't look like the kids would be going home so they called to see if we were interested.
Well I was not home at the time of the call and when I called back they had already found them a place. But David told his parents about it, "just so they would know that other kids might just show up." It surprized me how excited I got about the idea of more kids. I am now trying to get more organized so I can actually take care of more kids. I haven't been managing my time very well and I know I can do better. We did get the extra bedroom back into a bedroom but I am afraid that it has become a junk room again. Right now it has Christmas presents and jacobs old cloths and some of our old clothes that we are going to donate but just haven't done it yet.
Jacob is doing great. He is 20 months now, it is hard to believe but at the same time it feels like he has been here forever. He went trick or treating for the first time this year. He was so cute, we dressed him like Harry Potter. I hope the pictures are good. He is saying a lot of words and his favorite is "mine". We had some very fun vacations over the summer. We went to Dayton and Columbus, saw a couple museums and the columbus zoo which is great. I have meet a couple of people from an internet adoption support group I am in. We went to Baltimore for my birthday again this year to visit friends. And Jacob and I went with my mom to West Virgina to see my grandmother who flew up from Florida. And I found out I am going to be an aunt for the first time. My brother is going to be a Daddy!
December 31st 2000
We have had Jacob's third Christmas. He got some really cool things. A train table that Daddy and Mommy built for him, a real little kid drum set and a hot wheels mountain. So much has happened since my last post....Late November my Grandmother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, she had surgery and things look good for her. On December 13th we found out that my mother has lung cancer. Jacob and I drove down there on the 14th to see her in the hospital. When we get there we find out it has spread to her brain. This just is not fair my mom wait so long to be a Grandma, now she won't get to see Jacob or the new baby grow up. We went to her house on Christmas Eve. She has been taking medication and it has made her face a little puffy. My mom is my best friend, I can not imagine not having here around. She loves Jacob so much and I love sharing him with her. On top of it all I haven't been feeling well and haven't been to see her since Christmas Eve. I am going to make an appointment for the doctor myself. I have not been able to go to the bathroom very well for quite some time.
Febuary 28th 2001
Today is Jacob's second birthday. We didn't do a big party this year, things have been bad. I did finally get into the doctor, he sent me to have a colonoscopy. I have colon cancer. I just can't believe all that has happened in the last 2 months. My grandma is doing well but my mom isn't. I hadn't been able to go see my mom for a long time because they got me into surgury really quickly. I finally got to go see her a few weeks ago. She was in the ER when we got there. I walked right by her bed because I didn't recognise her. She looks so bad, my heart is breaking. I know she is concerned about me and that really bothers me too. But I was not going to lie to her about it. Nothing else would have stopped me from being there to spend time with her. I was afraid how Jacob would react to her. But he heard her voice before he saw her and he hugged her and was just his normal happy self. We went several other times to see her as well. The last time she was kind of comatose. She did wake up once while I was there but it was bad. She just reached up and moaned and moaned. I think she woke up because my Aunt Jackie whispered to her that I was there. Jackie is a hospise nurse in Florida and has taken off work to come here to be with my mom and take care of her until she passes. I am so grateful to her and to my sister in law as well. Lisa has been so good with her, I saw it the few times I have gone down to see mom. I feel really good about my prognosis but I am so sad about my mom. They say it could be any time now, before she went into the coma she kept asking my SIL if she had had the baby yet. She will never get to see him.
March 1st 2001
Its over my mother passed away this morning. I feel sick down in my soul. I am so mad that things turned out this way. I couldn't be with her when she needed me and she couldn't be with me when I needed her. But mostly I am just heart broken.
March 27th 2003
I can't believe its been two years already. I am doing great! I had one almost fatal experence with Chemo but I survived. We have had several more cases of cancer in my family. Two aunts got breast cancer one of them died six months after my mom. Her name was Jean. She kept an aye on Jacob for me at moms funeral. He really liked her he wasn't quite two at the time and called her "nean." The other aunt, Jackie, is doing well now too!
Now for the big news. We are having a house built with a lot more room and are going to add to our family. My doctor says its okay, all my tests have been clear since the surgery. So, my grandma in Florida calls me one day. She is living with her daughter, my Aunt Jackie. Jackie has had custody through the foster care system of her grandson and his half brother. They are not going home to their birhtmother. Jackie and her husband do not feel like they can commit to adopting them. So my grandma slyly puts Jackie on the phone with me. She asks how I am doing and if there is anything new. I tell her we are building a house and we are probably going to adopt another child. How is that for fate!!! This was two weeks ago and we decided to take both boys, ages 6 and four. Michael turned four years old today. I called to wish him happy birthday. The boys don't know yet that they are leaving Jackie and Al. It will be hard for them, they have been there almost 4 years. Michael was only 4 months old when he was taken from his birthmother. Anthony was not even three yet, but was very close. So our house will be full of boys!!!!
June 10 2003
Well we went to West Virgina for a family reunion. Jackie and the boys were there then they drove back to Kentucky with us. We thought it was a good idea for them to see there new home and room before they came to stay for good. The workers keeps moving the date back but still says they should be here before school starts back. Anthony is going to have a harder time leaving Jackie and Al than Michael is I think. Or maybe its just that he is older and understands what is happening more than Michael. We had a BIG meltdown from Anthony while we were in WV. We had taken him and Michael back to our hotel to swim. I think we handled it well, Anthony will just need more time to adjust. And after we got back here and he saw their room and there computers he seemed a little more okay with the idea.
September 5th 2003
Today is my birthday!!! I got my present early though. David asked me what I wanted and I told him I wanted to go see Michael and Anthony in Florida. Its been a long summer, they were suppose to already have been here but Florida and Kentucky are having a hard time comunicating. So we went to Florida so on August 22nd so we would be there for Anthony's birthday on the 25th. WE had a nice visit and a little bit of testing already. But when we left Michael want us to take him. David told him we were working on it but social workers were slow. We drove Davids truck so we could bring back some of the boys bigger things like bikes and there winter clothes. Jackie and Al are going to drive them here when the time comes but they don't have a lot of room to bring a lot of stuff. I sure hope they are here before winter and I don't have to send their clothes back.
September 30th 2003
The boys arrived today to stay for good!!!!!!! They got right out of the car and went straight upstairs to their computers :) We brought in the rest of their stuff and Jackie and I put it away in there closet. Jacob was at pre-school when they got here so I took them with me to pick him up. I introduced michael to Jacobs class because next week it will be his class too. Having two four years olds is going to be a challenge I think. Jacob was very glad to see them, he got up from his seat and gave them both hugs.
October 2nd 2003
Well Jackie and Al left today. They are going to West Virgina for a visit before they drive back to Florida. It was hard for them, they keep saying they know they are doing the right thing. I didn't get the reaction I thought I would from the boys. As soon as Grandma and Grandpa got in the car, Michael and Anthony went back inside and up to the computer room. Jacob and I stayed on the porch and waved to them as they left. I was expecting to have to do some comforting but it didn't happen. Its odd because I got the same feeling that I got when we walked out of the hospital with Jake...."they are just giving me these kids." I know its a little bit more complicated than that but in that moment all the waiting seems to not have occured and here you are with a living human being. In this case two more living human beings. Jacob is exstatic that they are here, I sure hope it lasts.
