1) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
2) It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
3) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
4) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
5) A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
6) If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
7) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
8) Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old; Duplos will not.
9) Super glue is forever.
10) No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
11) Pool filters do not like Jello.
12) VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
13) Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
14) The fire department in Pittsburgh has at least a 5 minute response time.
15) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
16) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
17) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
18) When playing with your kids, don't do anything you aren't willing to repeat 100 times.
19) Don't buy any videos that you don't want to watch repeatedly for a week.
20) Silence is NOT golden, it's a warning!!
21) "Mommy, do you still love me?" is not a plea for affection.
22) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
23) A 4 years old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
24) A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
25) 'Play Dough' and 'microwave' should never be used in the same sentence.
26) No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
27) VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
28) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
29) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
30) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
31) A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).