4. Make time for your children.

With so many demands on your time, it's often difficult for parents and children to get together for a family meal, let alone spend some quality time together. But there is probably nothing your child would like more. Get up ten minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child, or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Children who are not getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they are assured of being noticed. Many parents find it mutually rewarding to have prescheduled time with their child on a regular basis. For instance, tell your child that Tuesday is his special night with Mommy, and let him help decide how you will spend your time together. Look for other ways to connect with your child - put a note or something special in his lunchbox. Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger children. Since there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with them communicates caring and lets you get to know about them and their friends in important ways. Don't feel guilty if you're a working parent. Quantity is not nearly as important as what you do with the bits and pieces of time you have with your child. It is the many little things you do together - making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping - that your child will remember.

5. Be a good role model.

Young children learn a great deal about how to act by watching you. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: is that how you want him to behave when he's angry? Be constantly aware that you are being observed by your children. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home. Model the traits you wish to cultivate in your child: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your children the way you expect other people to treat you.

6. Make communication a priority.

You can't expect children to do everything simply because you, as parents, "say so." Children want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don't take time to explain, children will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their children allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way. Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it to your older child, express your feelings about it, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child's suggestions as well. Negotiate with him. Children who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

7. Be flexible and willing to adjust your parenting style.

If you frequently feel "let down" by your child's behavior, it may be because you have unrealistic expectations for him. Parents who think in "shoulds," (for example, "He should be potty-trained by now") may find it helpful to do more reading on the matter or talk to other parents or child development specialists. Your child's environment has an impact on his behavior, and you may be able to modify his behavior by changing his environment. If you find yourself constantly saying "No" to your two year old, look for ways to restructure his surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you. As your child changes, you will gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won't work as well in a year or two. Teenagers tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. Continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your child to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection!

8. Show that your love is unconditional.

As a parent, you are responsible for correcting and guiding your child. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how your child receives it. When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or faultfinding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage even when you are disciplining your child. Make sure he knows that while you want and expect him to do better next time, you love him no matter what.

9. Be aware of your own needs and limitations as a parent.

Face it - you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities - "I am loving and dedicated." Vow to work on your weaknesses - "I need to be more consistent with discipline." Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your children. You don't have to have all the answers - be forgiving of yourself. And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you're burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple). Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children.