It's been 4 years since we had to help Skuzzy over Rainbow Bridge. Each July 15th,I cry. I guess I always will. I feel the pain each time I allow myself to think of him for too long. I have one regret with the way we did things. At the time, I thought it best that I not be with him at the end. I was so upset, and sobbing. I didn't want him to sense my fear and misery. Now - I think that was a big mistake. I should have been there, holding him. I should have been stronger. I hope he knows that and understands. I pray I can explain it to him one day, and tell him I'm sorry.

This page is for Skuzzy, the very special cat who came before Timna and Woosel. Skuzzy came to us one dark evening in the fall of 1984. He climbed up the back stairs of our apartment and sat mewing at the screen door where my husband was working on the computer in the spare room. Ron brought him in and they both looked at me beseechingly. I didn't want a pet. Not that I didn't like animals. On the contrary, I love them too much! I cried for days when my goldfish died while we were on our honeymoon. No, no more pets. I just get too attached. But he was so little, and so sweet, and he had me seriously reconsidering my conviction. I told my husband, "He'll die someday." Ron looked at me and said, "But think of all the happy times before that." He wasn't allowed to sleep with us that night. Ron said he could have fleas. So I slept with him on the couch in the spare room. Ron slept alone that night.

By morning, I was praying that I wouldn't find that he belonged to someone else. I knocked on doors and questioned neighbors, but he wasn't known to anyone. He was ours! Or were we his? The initial visit to the vet showed he was a healthy soon-to-be "big ol'tom". He was said to be about 5 months old. He was neutered over Thanksgiving, while we were out of town visiting my in-laws. How I hated to leave him! I cried all the way to the airport.

Skuzzy grew into a beautiful, fluffy, grey Maine Coon. I'm sure he wasn't pure, but the Maine Coon in him was obvious. As an "only" cat, Skuzzy attached himself to us in a way that amazed me. He, of course, slept with us. The first home from work would be the recipient of a wild dash to the door, followed by a "thunk", roll over, show my belly pose! He loved to be brushed and would come running whenever I tapped his brush on the floor.

For years, I wouldn't travel, because I didn't want to leave Skuzzy. Finally, even though he loved Skuzz just as much, Ron put his foot down and said, "We're going on vacation!" It was just a four day trip. Our neighbors (we were in a house now) were to feed and visit him twice a day. Katie was a kitty person too, so I was as comfortable as I would ever be. He made out fine, but was a bit "put out" when we returned. I think he was trying to punish us for leaving. When we decided to go on a 14 day cruise/land tour of Alaska though, I knew I couldn't leave him for that long. So...grandmom and granddad flew in from New Hampshire to kitty-sit! This turned out to be the first of three visits specifically for the purpose of cat-sitting. You see, once you met Skuzzy, you were hooked!

Skuzzy, Ron, and I had 12 wonderful years together. Then on June 23, 1996 I took him in to see the vet because he hadn't been eating. They took blood, and gave me some pills. He just continued to get worse. On the third visit back (it had been 3 weeks) they x-rayed Skuzzy and called me in to look at the screen. My eyes fill and I cry as I write this. His lungs and liver were full of cancer. I knew I couldn't take him home. I had promised him for so long that I would take care of him and never let him hurt. I called Ron at work and he came to give his Skuzzy one last "pick-up hug". I'll never forget the pain. I felt as though my heart was being ripped right out of my body. I cried and screamed at God for days. Why did he have to take my cat? Why? I was sure the pain would never go away.

It hasn't. It's eased, with the help of the girls - Timna and Woosel. But Skuzzy will always be in my heart. I like to think of the words to a song when I think of Skuzzy..."if I had only known how it would end, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." And what a dance your life was, my Skuzz-ball. I'll always love you.

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Last updated:
9/15/00