Thanks
10/4/88
Revised 12/16/99
Thanks for the rainbows
in the sky,
The exotic colors of
the Universe.
The people that I have
met throughout my Life.
That have enabled me
to take things in stride.
The things that I tend
to forget and push away,
Into yesterday.
When I had that indescribable
feeling of being Free.
Thanks for allowing me
to be ME.
Thanks for letting me
feel both happiness and pain,
And the delicious feeling
of slippery magic rain.
My job--- a place to be-
The many faces that I've
seen.
As the years go by-
Working side by side
All different and unique
Part of a book that one
could read-
Thanks for the many lives
I lead.
Thanks for giving me the
ability to let go,
The strength to accept
my losses and my pain,
To be able to control
myself and go on again.
Thanks for making me smart,
And giving me a generous
heart,
The ability to feel love
and joy- all the many experiences I've had.
And for allowing me to
realize- not all of them were bad,
Or sad.
The joy of making love
and being loved,
For giving me this special
talent as a gift,
That enables my spirits
to lift,
For music and dancing
and all the feelings I can put inside-
And continue to ride
On the roller coaster
of Life.
Thanks for letting me
live fully, until I die.
My spirit will be flying
by,
In the wide blue sky,
Continuing to touch all
those I love,
With the magic of my
special powers,
High among the heavenly
flowers.
End/Beginning
Written with love-
To God above.
Amen.
Turn the other cheek and
look away,
From those who hurt you
today,
Remember to do one nice
thing every day,
Go out of your way.
Today flees by oh-so-fast,
Nothing lasts.
Smile, touch
someone's heart,
Even if it's hard.
Remember to LOVE.
And leave a fine memory
for others to see.
A little
poem from me to you to help brighten up your day.
With good wishes as you
go along your way.
Rainbows
and Roses
10/23/93
Rainbows and roses across
the sky,
Makes me want to cry,
I can smell the sweetness
of yesterday,
(When I close my eyes).
I see the vivid hues
of that Rainbow.
And feel the velvet petals
of the Rose.
Living day-to-day.
Watching for the heat
of the sun's rays,
Visualizing that rainbow,
And imagining the feel
of that velvet rose.
Makes me feel peace and
tranquility within my heart,
Creates an inner peace
that keeps me from falling apart.
Rainbows and roses, a
multitude of colors and sweet smells,
Life can be full of sunshine
... or a living Hell.
Watch the rainbow descending
across the sky,
Live and love day-to-day,
don't ask why!
Sheila's
Heart
1/7/94
I am the keeper of lost
souls,
And I walk alone.
I pick up everybody's
garbage and pain,
And then I walk in my
own shame.
Don't blame me for the
things I do to you-
Sometimes all the faces
of yesterday become one face and I feel
very blue.
Wanting to be alone with
my dreams,
Playing the little girl
trying to forget what Life means.
I am the holder of everybody's
pain and shame...
Sometimes I forget my
own name.
Or that I hurt myself
again.
Come and see me when you
need me with your Sunshine and a Rose,
I'm Daddy's little girl
and Mommy's shame.
Pretending that Life
is only a game.
When somebody dies, I
cry
When somebody hurts I
bleed
I carry all of other
people's needs
Walking the thin line
between sanity and insanity
It helps me to cope
Gives me hope
I can't stand change
Or secrets or pain
I go away again
And hurt.
If you tell me what is
going to be
I don't lose me
Sorry for those I hurt
when I forget my name-
I carry my own shame.
GOD BLESS ALL THE LOST
SOULS
GOD BLESS ALL THE LOST
DREAMS
Happy Birthday,
Little Girl Lost
1/12/94
I cry for the little girl
with all the dreams,
Life didn't turn out
the way it seemed.
She thought that reality
was music, laughter and joy,
Playing with her toys.
Each time she found something
special to love,
Whether it be people,
thing or animal,
Somebody took it away-
And she could not play.
I put away the little
girl at last,
No more living in the
past,
When I need to cry,
I will close my eyes
and ride-
the roller coaster of
Life.
Happy Birthday, little
girl lost,
I really did care for
you,
I am truly sorry that
your Life was so blue.
Now you are a woman old
and alone in your pain-
Trying hard to remain
sane-
Happy birthday, little
girl lost,
May your tomorrows be
bright and sunny,
I love you, honey.
THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE
TO LOVE, TRUST AND WORRY OVER--- IS YOURSELF.
Then... others---
IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF,
YOU CANNOT LOVE ANYONE ELSE.
Amen.
P.S. I am not alone--- I have God.
It's time to say good-bye
to yesterday,
And accept what I got
and can do; must have some faith, In today.
Time to forget the things
I used to be able to do,
And stop feeling blue.
Time to take better care
of myself and forget the rest...
God is always giving
me a Test.
Time to smile and stop
the tears...
And accept the passing
of the year.
I am lucky for despite
my COPD and inability to do a lot of stuff,
I still retain a good
brain and the ability to touch and love.
So 'bye yesterday, welcome
to today... that's all I wanted to say!
Crying
4-29-99
Why do I feel these tears
tonight?
When everything was going
all right?
Is this part of what
I have to face for the rest of my Life...
What's left of my Life,
that is... for I don't know...
How much time before
God brings me Home.
Up and down I go, first
I am happy and gay,
Living and enjoying every
single day.
Then suddenly I feel
so low ...
Where did that happiness
go?
All part of this terrible
disease.
So hard to believe,
That one day you are
so high ...
Wondering if you can
fly?
Next day you hit that
horrible low...
A kick in the stomach,
a terrible blow.
Tears run down my face...and
I cry...
... I don't even know
why...
I Wish
5/21/99
I wish I could close my
eyes and go back to yesterday,
When everything was always
just about the same.
When I had my real Life
and could live and just be,
Poor yet happy
... working and living; full of dreams.
But I can't turn back
the clock and return to that place,
Here is where I got to
stay.
I am so tired today.
I wish I could just close
my eyes and go away,
Sleep forever in my special
place.
I want to be that rainbow
in the sky,
Flying high.
And when I close my eyes
I won't say good-bye...
I will just fly.
end/beginning
Hearts
Touch
6/19/99
Hearts touch and intermingle,
As you get closer to
God.
There's a feeling that
only the very ill can feel.
It's the touch that heals.
It takes away the fear
of dying,
It's truth when the rest
of the world is lying.
It's love and sharing,
A special way of caring.
When the end is near,
We speak without words.
We feel each other's
pain,
When God is calling our
name.
I will soon be free...
Joining our EFFORTS Angels
in Heaven above.
Look up... That golden
rainbow in the sky,
Is Rainbow Bee...
Her pain is gone and
she is finally free!
Silence
Inside of My Heart
6/28/99
I hear the silence inside
my heart and stop and try to think...
Life goes by as quick
as a wink.
I try to be funny and
remain positive full of love,
As I pray to the Heavens
Above.
I am only a human, alone
in my grief,
I try not to weep.
For all the unfairness
of Life and the ignorance of those I encounter every single day...
Why do people pretend
to be so stupid in so many different ways?
God gave me a special
gift and I have to carry it for a few more years...
Without childish tears.
When you know what real
pain is... how it hurts just to live,
Tell me.
I send you rainbows and
I send you hugs... love and cherish what you got...
It may not be a whole
lot.
There is no promise ...
there is nothing of really true value,
Except the person who
truly loves you.
My heart is full of memories
today,
I feel good.
Life is just the way
it's supposed to be...
Full of anticipation
; not hazy.
Or crazy.
Hot outside but cool
in here,
Memories of years of
happiness inside of me,
I feel as if I can see,
All the good things that
happened to me.
Memories of wonderful
days, no more sadness or pain...
I refuse to see the rain,
Happiness from now on
is my way of Life,
Intend to take everything
in stride.
I am a rainbow strong
as can be...
Full of HAPPY memories...
able to cope,
Knowing that I must go
slow!
I stopped feeling sad...
Now I am just plain mad.
Life is full of idiosyncrasies
and oxymoron's and lots of stuff,
I think I have had just
about enough.
Medicare, Medicaid, Empire,
who the hell cares?
Lots of bullshit called
Medical Insurance out there.
Tired of fighting for
things I worked for ...
Is this why I kept going
out there to earn a buck... and more?
Life sucks... you get
COPD and they punish you for being sick.
What the hell is this?
Just venting... sorry
about that... feeling quite blue...
But despite it all...
I still Love all of YOU.
Smile Though
You Have a Broken Heart
7/14/99
I am trying hard not to
cry,
I don't understand why...
God is punishing me this
way.
First he sends me to
Heaven but I didn't stay...
Then he makes things
so rough...
I ain't that tough.
Tears keep blinding my
eyes... so much to do...
Just once, please somebody,
tell me, I will take care of YOU.
All alone as before...
silence and lots of peace...
Everybody had finally
decided to leave.
I am hunting for those
rainbows in the sky...
And asking God why...
... did you send me back
here to cry?
Why didn't you let me
die?
Oh yes, I will smile...
Life is precious you see,
At least it is To Me.
Love and Hugs to those
who care...
Even those who aren't
there.
Amen.
Think Pink
7/16/99
Think Pink... You can
win!
Life can be happy and
gay,
Depends on how you want
to spend your day.
Lots of hardship, lots
of pain...
It is part of God's game.
Smile and go on and just
look for my rainbow in the sky...
Soon you will be feeling
just fine.
See the moon and the stars
at night,
Hug yourself really tight.
Smile with all your might,
Everything is a-okay;
all right?
Love is something you
keep inside and give out when you have to...
Always remember the one
to Love the most is YOU.
Time Don't
Exist
7//7/99
Time doesn't exist for
me,
I have COPD.
I sleep when I am able
to close my eyes...
I cannot believe how
time flies!
There is no day and there
is no night,
Just enjoyment when I
am feeling all right.
Every four hours I take
my treatment and breath as deep as can be...
Twice a day I medicate...and
excercise me...
I live inside my heart
and just enjoy what I got...
It sure is a lot!
For I am free to be me...
Life is full of joy,
you see...
No rules... no time...
just how I want it to be...
Yep ... you heard me...
I am FREE!!!
...sometimes being ill
can be a blessing.
Sleep
7/19/99
I closed my eyes and went
to sleep,
And had the strangest
dreams.
I saw my Mom who had
passed away...
And this bright light
that was brighter than the sun's rays.
And when I came to,
Everything seemed so
new.
I was confused.
I had died and returned
to be here because it wasn't my time to go,
It is only God who knows,
When we live and when
we die.
I did have a long cry.
Now I am full of smiles
and love and thankful to God above...
For sending me back to
give everybody Love,
And to enjoy Life as
I never knew it could be...
I feel so different,
now I can see,
All the beauty surrounding
me.
Amen.
Woke up this morning and
found me...
Looked in the mirror
and I could see
I was myself again.
I finally stopped the
pain.
I woke up this morning
and finally could feel the sun,
I had won.
Back from where I was,
someplace out in space,
Back to my usual place.
Woke up this morning and
rainbows appeared across the sky...
Only I could see them,
almost made me cry.
Thanks for bringing me
back ... for making me feel this way,
It is a beautiful sunny
day.
God tested me and made
me travel to a far away place...
I won... and am ready
for whatever he wants me to face..
Living forever, day to
day.
I Was Dreaming
8/18/99
I woke up this morning
tasting food... things I used to eat.
Lots of sauce and red
meat,
Pies and homemade bread
and things I used to make.
Opened my eyes... I was
in bed for goodness sake!
I dreamed that I was walking
on the beach,
No cane, no pain, walking
with my head up high to reach...the sky.
My-oh-my.
In my dream, I was so
alive and carefree...
The way I used to be.
I closed my eyes and went
back to sleep...
I wanted to hold on to
my memories, have something to keep!
I know I have to face
reality...
But sometimes I
close my eyes just to see...
A young and healthy me!
Tears and
Smiles
9/2/99
What a terrible feeling
to not be able to breathe,
It feels like you are
smothering, unable to keep
yourself together.
I never thought that this
COPD would make me into a nut,
My mood swings are getting
me into a rut.
Either I am full of tears
...
Or so happy I forget
all my fears.
Tears and smiles...
Inside the pain remains
all the while.
Not getting enough oxygen
to my brain...
Here I go again.
Take a deep breath and
blow it out slowly... don't cry...
Don't even question why.
Today was the worst day
I ever had when I was not sick...
Every part of my body
needs to be fixed.
Take a deep breath and
smile...my rainbows were out being cleaned...
I woke up feeling quite
mean.
Tonight I am better, taking
it slow...
Just wanted to say HELLO.
Full Moon
Again
9/26/99
I woke up late feeling
out of sorts and mean,
Wondered what this mood
could be.
Then I remembered: another
month has gone by,
There was a brand New
Full Moon up in the sky.
Time passes too fast these
days...
Yet each day remains
the same.
I have come to accept
the way my Life has gone and
should be thankful for
what I got.
But I'm not.
I long for open seas and
the windy breeze ...
Fast cars and speed and
work that I enjoyed and hated to leave.
I long for walks quick
and sure of foot, able to go...
Instead of this unwieldy
body I now know.
Full Moons cause me to
think and change... restless and unable to stay-
Quiet and Still.
Full Moon Again... Help
... time is going around to quick...
Can't deal with this.
Take my broom and fly
away...
Until next month and
another Full Moon comes to stay.
End/Beginning.
Just having fun.
Letting my mind run.
Close Your
Eyes and Visualize
9/27/99
Close your eyes and visualize,
Rainbows across the sky.
Why do people have to
die?
What makes us cry?
This is for my friend
Ann who went to Heaven today...
All I can do is sit here
and pray.
God takes you when the
pain gets to be too much,
He uses his Magic Touch.
He frees us from this
Life that we know...
And takes us into Heaven
(I hope).
The road of Life is sometimes
slow...
I am so sorry to see
you go.
Close your eyes and visualize,
Rainbows in the sky.
Don't cry for me...
For I am finally free.
Full Moon
Fantasy
10/25/99
They found a cure
for COPD today,
It has finally come our
way.
You take a pill and your
lungs become all brand new,
Once again ... you can
breathe like you used to do!
Bronchitis is a thing
of the past,
No more coughing and
meds that don't last.
Or gasping for breath.
Emphysema has become a
thing of the past.
Nobody needs new lungs
or any other type of surgical intervention,
They finally researched
and paid attention...To our plight.
We won the fight.
Cigarettes have been abolished
forever... nobody smokes anymore,
All lung diseases have
been cured.
It was only a dream...
another full moon fantasy,
But oh I wish it were
really true... so I could be
the way I used to be... able to breathe.
I walked on the beach
today,
Felt the wind and sunshine
on my face.
I walked for miles and
miles with my toes sunk into the sand,
It felt so grand.
And in the morning I got
dressed all by myself,
No treatment, no oxygen,
didn't need any help.
Another full moon fantasy...
as tears run down my face...
As I suck in my 02 and
dream that things are truly that way.
Praying that someday soon...
it may.
Tomorrow
11/8/99
Here we go again traveling
on that unreliable train,
Feeling weak and tired
and sick again.
I'm one of those unlucky
people who have bad lungs,
I got my disease very
young.
My Life was smoking and
doing; not finding the time to learn about this disease,
Or take care of Me.
Eventually my lungs got
so bad,
I had to stop working
and things were quite sad.
I found rainbows and sunshine
and blue skies,
Despite feeling lousy
and crying inside.
I found out that there
were ways to cure bad lungs,
I am not one of those
lucky ones.
By the time I woke up
to reality,
It was too late for me.
I can't have surgery nor
get a new lung... too many physical problems you see,
All stemming from not
taking proper care of Me.
And so I will live for
another tomorrow,
Feeling all this inward
sorrow.
Is it better to be this
way and pray for another day?
Or is it better to give
up... and just pray...
to end it all
today.
OH: I still see
rainbows and I still search for blue skies and sunsets so sweet,
I feel Life is to precious
to leave,
But the choices we sometimes
have to make,
And the pain that we
must undertake,
I sometimes find too hard
to bear.
Or really and truly care.
I pray for one decent
breath before I die...
I promise not to cry,
For all the years of waste...
Just to taste...
One lousy puff
of that cigarette.
Who would have dreamed
that this is what I would get?
Tomorrow...
Will it bring more joy
or more sorrow?
Sheila's
Prayer for Tonight
11/8/99
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul
to keep,
If I should die before
I wake,
Please God give me new
lungs in the other place,
So I may walk free and
clear,
And look down and take
care of all my friends down here.
Good-night.