HEADLINER NEWS
February 26, 1999
Effortsville, USA...
Word has it that Gary Bain, founder
of EFFORTS, an online advocacy/support group, is having a birthday.
Reporter Justin Fun tried to contact
him for a comment today only to have his wife, Harriet come to the door
instead. She was quoted to say "Gary won't come to the door."
Upon further questioning, Harriet admitted that Mr. Bain was busy throwing
wet noodles at the members of EFFORTS and couldn't be disturbed.
Asked how her husband was going
to spend his birthday, she stated that he would probably spend the day
in his bedroom pouting about the lowfat cake and skim-milk ice cream she
had prepared for his celebration.
Later, it was reported that a man
fitting Mr. Bain's discription was seen dragging a cart with an O2 tank
up the ramp of a large boat (a casino he has been noted to frequent)
No more attempts will be made to
contact Mr Bain but he is wished a very happy birthday and one year NSUC
anniversary.