The US announces plans to seize the assets of suspected terrorist groups, including some apparently innocuous charities claiming to work to relieve poverty. I wonder... how many of these groups are the sort of faith-based charities of which the Republicans were so enamoured last year?

The US has said it will tell the public what evidence it has that Mr bin Laden was responsible for the crimes against humanity two weeks ago. We're waiting.

Enviornmental campaigners say the Government bungled the foot and mouth crisis, starting with the mistaken view that the rural economy is distinct from the urban one. Only an urban government could make that mistake.

Heading to work this morning, I saw a minor calamity accident. For whatever reason, a huge milk tanker had overturned on a piddling little roundabout. The tanker was leaking all over the place. Since there was no other way around the mess, a lot of us had to walk straight through a deep puddle of spilled milk.

The driver ran out and started screaming at us for choosing this route. In frustration, he pushed a co-walker down to the ground. This is not good. This is not good at all. It's enough to make one really, really hate all truck drivers. They need to be removed from our planet. The only good world is a world without truck drivers. They're all the same, anyway. They smell bad. They can't dress themselves. They're dishonest. And they can't speak English well.

But after my fellow pedestrian picked himself up, he grabbed the driver's jacket and dunked him like a biscuit in hot tea. I walked away, but not before talking to other people who he had also pushed. We decided to call his company and get him fired. We also plan on suing his company. Yep. In fact, we want to get ALL truckers fired from their respective companies. Doesn't matter which company they're from. I bet bread truckers are just as bad as dairy truckers, ya know? None of them deserve to be on the road. Even the ones who I've never met -- or the ones who may have never pushed people down. If you look like one, you MUST be one.

 

 

 

Stop. Look. Listen. Think.

By Chris Pirillo. Adapted from Lockergnome Weekly.

Tony Blair opens his mouth, and accuses the Taliban of fermenting war by helping "the friends of terrorism." The international community is working hard to "avert a humanitarian disaster," claims Blah. What about the one that will be caused by military strikes.
The US changes the name of the campaign to Operation Enduring Freedom from Operation Infinite Justice, on the grounds that only Allah can mete out the latter, and not even the US has the former.

Americans are using the crimes against humanity as an excuse to stay at home watching teevee. Why don't you just switch off your television set and go out and find something less boring to do instead..? If you cover rice cereal with chocolate, you get a wonderful cake...

Israeli PM Ariel Sharon has a fit of pique after UK foreign minister Jack Manny Straw uses the P-word (Palestine) in an article published in an Iranian newspaper. Sharon grudgingly agrees to meet Straw, and only after a begging phone call from Tory Bliar.

Way forward? Angela Bigos, quoting me:

The chances of there being another similar attack any time soon are roughly on a par with the chances of airline food suddenly becoming very tasty.

Iain you silly, you *know* what I mean
Yes. But it bears saying. Aeroplane travel is, probably, now safer than it has ever been. The planes are less likely to require an emergency landing for mechanical reasons, are less likely to develop leaks on take-off, and now are less likely to be diverted to undesirable places by ill-mannered flyers. Unless they're *scheduled* to go to Manchester, that is.

that terrorist attacks (in whatever form) are fully expected again in this country if all news sources and the newspapers and common sense are to be believed.
Forgive me a touch of naivety, but I really must dissent from this opinion. In the immediate future, anyone trying any kind of dissent is going to be hammered, rightly or wrongly. Witness the grotesque over-reactions of the airlines that sparked this thread. In the medium term, the successor agency to the FBI and CIA cannot fail to better the piss-poor record of the existing spooks. And in the long term, another country will pop up as the lightning rod of international opprobrium, just as the USA succeeded Germany which succeeded Britain which succeeded France... it goes all the way back to Troy.

Two other quick points: there's a convincing argument that these were crimes against humanity, not mere terrorism. There are reasons why it's useful for the Republicans to spin this as terrorism.

Also, and I *know* this wasn't your intention, using "common sense" as an argument can be a tad patronising to those who might disagree. It portrays any other opinion as less intellectually sound. Bear this in mind next time politicians talk about "common sense" activities. Slappy Hague's "Common Sense Conservatism," now *that* was offensive.

Rather, they'll take some other dreadful and unexpected form.
It's always going to be unexpected. If it's predictable, then it loses much of its shock impact.

I have a truly terrible feeling about this war.
The US-based media has begun to grate in the past few days. CNN has dropped everything (even its sports coverage ... grr) to concentrate on "America's New War," when the country hasn't even finished the last one, against drugs. CNBC has, as I mentioned the other day, brought out the marker pens and other technology that befits a Microsoft-supported network.

None of them are giving *any* sort of picture about what the rest of the world is thinking. Here in Britain, public support is tending towards limited military strikes, in support of a mission to arrest, detain, or otherwise occupy Mr bin Laden. Not all out strikes, that just will not wash with the rest of the world. And regardless of reported opinion in the US, it's the rest of the world that's calling the shots here. Blair, Chirac, Chretien and many other leaders have gone a long way to establish an international consensus, and they don't want to see their work undone by a reflex lashing out.

And finally. Altering your life to fit in with these people is an admission of defeat. It's what they want. I've greater philosophical than practical objections to diverting to Manchester to catch my flight in December. It's giving in. It's not what I'm about.

It's not what we're about.

Had the strangest dream last night. I don't talk much about my dreams, partly because they don't make any sort of sense, and partly because I can never remember them after about ten minutes. This one, though, involved a work colleague who is smart, organised, demure, and easy to get along with. And somehow I have this vision of her as Mistress of Pain, doing strange and bizarre - not to mention kinky - things to her boyfriend. The kind of image that didn't have a picture, but did leave a clear imprint on my mind.
And, before you ask, I am *not* going to ask if this is accurate. If it's not, offense will be taken. If it is, I don't want to be on the receiving end. Honest.

A NATO meeting ends without the US asking for concerted military assistance. The organisation had been expected to announce that the crimes against humanity were inspired from outside NATO boundaries, clearing the legal way for attacks to be launched.
Italy's Prime Minister Berlusconi claims that the Western world supports human rights and tolerance for religion, something that other parts of the planet can't. Berlusconi has a reputation for engaging foot before brain. (Also see Friday.

Dream redux Angela Bigos:
I see your dream as being about hidden sexuality, nothing more.
Interesting...

your dream just reflects that you're still feeling this unhappy pressure.
Very interesting...

the rest of the world, even the most perfect looking, have deep dark secrets as well.
So it's not some sort of prophetic insight then. Ah well.

Entertaining thought, though.

chelle
here's hoping the unsettling feeling falls away soon, and that when you conduct business with your co-worker, you can refrain from nervous giggling.
Er, no. The trouble is that she runs a big database, and I'm the only person in the company who really knows how to interrogate it. So we have to spend a fair amount of time together.

It's enough to turn an honest guy straight.

Such a stressful day at work that I spend half the evening asleep and can't really face eating food. And the silliest call of the year so far.

There's this chap who does some work for us in the field. It's all voluntary stuff, we pop "useful" information onto our website and pay his expenses, he does things out there. Our hero calls us up because he's having great difficulty connecting to our website.

Now, access to our website is child's play. Only it's used by middle-aged men, who are far less computer literate than their offspring. There's a UNIX-based CGI script on the back end, which means that case counts. An ORANGE is not the same as an Orange, and both are different from an orange. This goes over the head of a lot of people, who call us up saying that they've typed their username (cunningly, we use their surname, so they have a decent chance of remembering it) but can't get in because we want their Username In Capital Letters (Like It Says.)

But no, our hero hasn't made this mistake. He's having difficulty connecting in the first place. I'd like to check the number he's dialing on his computer, and ask him to close down all programs, and double-click on the "My Computer" icon. Much pausing. "I can't find it." "Nothing saying 'My Computer' at all? No other programs running?" No. There's more than one way to find out what number he's dialing without dialing, so let's do that.

Then I ask him to right-click on the Internet Deplorer icon, so I can look at the properties. (I took the gamble that he doesn't use Netscape, Opera, or Lynx... one of these would prove to be totally beyond him.) But no, he can't find the big blue e of doom. Double-click on the icon then press the escape key.

"The escape key... On the keyboard?"

It's at this point that I think that our chap is seriously out of his depth here, and really ought to be using tried and trusted methods such as a letter, or coming round in person. Don't bother with carrier chickens, they'd be gobbled up. Don't try smoke signals, he'd burn half of Merseyside down.

It's at this point that I get an inkling of how Marvin must feel, brain the size of a planet, and it hurts thinking down to the level of humans.

Thankfully, I can hand him over to the people who handle internet connections (as it had already turned out to be one of their problems ... well, from what I gathered, it was...) on 1-800-IFN10EQ (Q ... clue ... bear with me.)

If they are reminded of the urban myth about the call that ended with the technician telling his caller to pack up his computer, he's too dense to use it, they won't be alone.

Jordan's King Abdullah speaks of a "growing front against terrorism" involving Arabic countries and the USA. He said the majority of Arabs would lend their support in campaigns against crimes against humanity. Saudi Arabia will let the US use a command centre near Riyad in the event that there are strikes.
Italian PM Berlusconi "regrets" his comments of Wednesday, claiming that his comments had been misinterpreted and taken out of context. Silvio still goes on to declaim the brilliance of Western culture.

Record breakers huey .:
what was the last record/CD/disc/tape anyone bought; file anyone downloaded?
Last CD I bought... 50 blank ones (:
Last *proper* CD was Tori's "Strange Little Girls." Before that, "Now 7" (US) and the Jimmy Eat World and Nina Gordon order.

Last download was No Angels' "There Must Be An Angel." The German winners of Popstars are the only group with the material to break internationally. "Daylight In Your Eyes" should have gone to Eurovision, and won hands down. This Eurythmics cover loses Stevie Wonder's harmonica break, but it's the first decent Annie-and-Dave cover I've heard... ever.

Last grab from digital radio was "London Calling," the Clash number not the number played before the World Service news.

The rest of the trip is uneventful: Beatties in Birmingham is decent, but not as big or of as high quality as the home store in Wolverhampton. Get a new pair of trousers, have a quick gander at the guidebooks to Tucson, and examine the new Vermin store. It's not much improvement on the old one, really, and there's far less space for singles. Bad move.

In a claim of amazing audacity, Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams says that "terrorism has no ethical base." This from a man who, er, has represented terrorists for the past twenty years, and may have had some part to play in terrorist atrocities in Ulster before now.

Recordings Two hits from across the pond are coming to British shores this Yuletide.

Samantha Mumba covers "Lately," a US chart-topper for girl group Divine in 1998. I thought the original was OK, but there's room for improvement. The multi-talented Mumba may yet give the definitive reading.

Westlife covers "Angel," the crossover smash for Sarah McLachlan. And you thought their massacre of "Uptown Girl" was bad... My ears are covered already.

huey .:
i heard that today, and well, er... ...i wasn't surprised. but they're all quite cute and i kinda like em. i didn't even know the original was by the divine miss mclachlan.
Very much so. I've not heard the 'Side cover, but I really can't hear it coming off very well.

better than Louise covering Stealers Wheel and 'stuck in the middle...'
Talk about setting your sights low...

Jenny
as though kenny rogers covering sarah's "i will remember you" wasn't bad enough.
He did? The blighter!

::apologises in advance to any potential kenny rogers fans there may be on the list::
Oh, don't bother. A crap cover is a crap cover, no matter what.

Vic
Those bastards!
I wasn't going to *say* it...

Is Ronan going to sing it? Please god nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Darling, Ronan was part of *Boyzone*, not Westside. It's Shane or Keyan or Wahuna or something like that.

It's not Ronan. We should be thankful for small mercies.

Jae
This doesn't just upset, perturb and discombobulate me....it terrifies me....I'll admit to being a soppy crying mess over "Swear It Again" but to even attempt a Sarah song is just fucked up.
Ah, but what about the surefire Billboard #1 single if they had ever bothered to release it, "Flying Without Wings." You have heard that. This puts you at an unfair advantage.

Vic:
Oh he was speaking of Tara on Buffy?
That's the impression I got, and the vision of Willow coming over to Reptile, Texas to kick the spokesdroid's butt was rather entertaining.

Willow's razor sharp intellect against Dubya's (er) (ah) doesn't exactly make for a *fair* fight, but he started it.

We thought he meant in Meath, Ireland. We were about to warn Brendan's family to get out of that section of the country.
There is that, but it's uncomfortably close to home.

Actually, it could be a war against the RTE's export channel, Tara tv, coz *he* can't understand the rules of Gridlock either. He's just about OK with Millionaire, but Weakest Link gives trouble at chateau Bush. Oh, there's no problem with the concept of answering questions, but the person with the most votes leaving the game is an idea our anti-hero just doesn't get.

I certainly hope it's not a war against Afghanistan. The Taliban are a separate entity, at least in mind.
Whatever government was trying to run Afghanistan over recent years would have had a difficult job, as there's been an effective drought for three years now. That the powers-that-think-they-are seem determined to crush the spirit of the people makes matters worse.

There would still be an exodus of people from that country; it's far bigger than perhaps it ought to be.

The people there seem oppressed and afraid of the Taliban, not in support of them.
Plenty of conflicting evidence on that - some suggest that the Taliban were cheered as a break from the previous government (and the death of the previous president is too gruesome for words.) Others suggest that bribery is the way to achieve anything, yet others that there is a constituency for this group.

And Bin Laden is even more removed from the general public there. In every sense, it would be innocent citizens that would suffer if the country as a whole were attacked.
This is all striking me as a bit *too* neat. No-one outside the area likes the Taliban regime. It would be in a lot of people's interests to bring about conditions that would make it more likely that the regime would be toppled. And, oh look, here's an excuse to go around in Afghanistan, imposing views.

The international consensus will start to break after bin Liner is captured. If the Taliban falls before, this will be unpopular in the middle east, but can be described as a side-effect of the main campaign. If it goes down much later, the claims that the US doesn't understand Islam will flare up again.

Angela
Members of the Taliban are *from* Afghanistan and they are fearless and formidable.
I'd counsel against portraying any side as superhuman. Last time that happened, they were the Iraqi National Guard, who weren't so much crack soldiers as frightened ones.

Yes, the Afghani are on home territory. Yes, this is a huge advantage. But they only rule by imposing fear on their subjects. And it's possible for a mass uprising (a la Eastern Europe,) or small acts of local resistance (see 1940s France,) to put a spoke in their wheel.

Afghanistan is basically a stone age country - there aren't even *roads*
There are roads. Not the super eight lane highway, often not even tarmaced, but there are established roads.

The Russians couldn't win after ten years of fighting, the terrorists are *warriors*.
So how do we define a win here? The Russians wanted to support an unpopular government, and bit off more than they could chew.

There's talk in the papers about bringing up a UN protectorate, which might attract more support on the ground, and hence could be a little more easy to defend.

Globally, Alicia Keys' Fallin' succeeds Janet Jackson as #1 - Keys retains the top slot in the US for the fifth non-consecutive week. Jamiroquai heads the challenge in the English as a foreign language markets.

Back on the domestic scene, Dido's No Angel reclaims the top album slot. After spending six weeks at the top in February and March, she's back there today after spending all but one intervening week in the top 10. Uncle Kraker shows that patience is a virtue by topping my Most Heard list.

The Fab Fifty	Last	Ps	Last	The Weaver 21
cant get you out of my mind kylie minogue	1	01	1	drops of jupiter train
hey baby dj otzi	8	02	3	common people pulp
smooth criminal alien ant farm	6	03	5	things that go bump in the night allstars
follow me uncle kraker	2	04	2	stop your cryin spiritualized
chain reaction steps	NE	05	--	london calling clash
starlight the superman lovers	3	06	--	the way it is bruce hornsby & the range
mambo number five bob the builder	4	07	--	drinkin' in la bran van 3000
what would you do city high	NE	08	--	alcoholic starsailor
family affair mary j blige	NE	09	--	the space between dave matthews band
let me blow ya mind eve / gwen stefani	5	10	8	sweet baby macy gray
luv me luv me shaggy	14	11	--	daydream in blue i monster
turn off the light nelly furtardo	7	12	7	if you're gone matchbox twenty
too close blue	9	13	10	hunter dido
i want love elton john	NE	14	11	clint eastwood gorillas
lets dance five	11	15	12	strange little girls tori amos
set you free ntrance	13	16	--	the pain inside cosmic rough riders
baby come on over samantha mumba	12	17	--	f e a r ian brown
thinking it over liberty	NE	18	--	island in the sun weezer
you rock my world michael jackson	24	19	16	me gustas tu manu chao
fallin alicia keys	21	20	--	what would you do city high
little l jamiroquai	20	21	--	fallin alicia keys

No change for Kylie at the top, with the novelty records by Otzi and Alien completing a less than serious top 3. Steps has the highest new entry, with a cover of Diana Ross' 1986 number one. City High and Mary J Blige also go top ten; it's the debut single for the High, while Blige has only made the upper reach in duets - with Method Man in 95, and George Michael in 99.
George's sometime singing partner Elton John bows at 14 with his first release from his new album. Last year's El Dorado soundtrack never got any promotion over here, so it's his first outing since "Written In The Stars" from 99's Aida track. Popstars rejects Liberty swiped the name of an almost-successful rock band, and churn out faceless garage. Jacko makes his top 20 bow on airplay alone. With the single deviating from CD standards, this release will have to survive on those airplay points only.
Lower, Silicon Soul enters at 26, and P Diddy (the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy) bows at 28 with "Bad Boy For Life." Neither are at all cop. Basement Jaxx and the Stereophonics churn out yet another samey track from their respective albums; "Just One Kiss" is 32, "Step On My Old Size Nines" lands at 37.

The Weaver 21. New material from Starsailor, the Cosmic Rough Riders, and Ian Brown all look set to chart high and fall quickly; Dave Matthews, Weezer and Alicia Keys should be in for the long haul.

Magdalen Oxford made their first revival appearance in 97, beating Portsmouth and the University of Western England in consecutive programmes. They went on to thrash Queens Belfast in the quarters, inch past Manchester in the semis, and bested Open 250-195 to win the championship.
Returning as defending champions in 98, Magdalen beat Kings London in a high-scoring opening round match. They beat Open in a tight second round match, trounced Cardiff in the quarters, the LSE in the semis, and beat Birkbeck 225-195 in the final.
Returning once more as defending champions in 99, Magdalen beat Kings College Medicine & Dentistry, before falling to eventual champions Open in a wonderful second round match.

Magdalen have slightly the better of the early exchanges, leading 60-35 after the first picture. Paxo's inability to do mental arithmetic shows once more when he's sniffling at Hugh Sutherland's (Trinity) knowledge of 2^10, and later the powers of i. "es vinculum, invalissimum vale!" [1] says our hosts to Trinity. Then he says it to them in English after they fail to translate.

It's neck-and-neck by now, Magdalen pull away, Trinity haul them back and go on a charge of their own, stretching the lead to 75 by the second picture round. Magdalen pull back, but Trinity has a head of steam, winning 210-140.

Ian Fisher is the highest individual scorer, claiming 72 of Magdalen's points. Hugh Sutherland (68) and John Ferguson (67) lead Trinity's charge, though 20/36 bonuses helped. Magdalen got 13/26 bonuses.

A severe case of bad luck as Sara Love (Magdalen) answers "USSR" when asked the country of which Lincoln Steffens said in 1919: "I have seen the future, and it works." Russia was the correct answer: the USSR didn't come into existence until 1922. On the other hand, Paxo had accepted "Throat" as correct from Sutherland (Trinity) in what appeared dubious circumstances. This decision may well have an impact on the highest-scoring losers.

The reason why this episode was delayed is not clear - the only potentially contentious subjects were an early set of bonuses on war quotations, and a set on religion in the middle of the programme.

The highest-scoring losers after game 9/14:
185 Hull 150 Edinburgh 140 LSE, Magdalen Oxford
[1] "You are the weakest link, goodbye!"

There's still some waffle from the host at the start, and the guest in Dictionary Corner is still only expected to come up with one good anecdote per programme. They've had Mr 10%, Gyles Brandreth, in the studio this week, but even his legendary energy has been waning at the end of some of the programmes.

Personally, I think the extension is a step just too far. While the daily show was just the right length at 30 minutes, the extended programme feels like it's doubled in length. 45-minute finals had a sense of occasion about them, and a variety of games. When Richard announced round 8, letters, we're still only half way through proceedings and the rest of the game feels like an eternity.

The extension to the formula is an interesting experiment, and maybe there will be some tinkerings around the edges as the format beds in. I'm not over-impressed at the moment, but I'll come back to Countdown 45 in around a month to see what's changed.