Perhaps the Almighty has no face or nature at all.

This label left me pondering the issue of God and how we all perceive him differently. Even with similar religious backgrounds the Creator who occupies our hearts and our minds may indeed by a man (or woman) with a thousand faces and personalities.

Perhaps, for many who believe in him, the Almighty has no face or nature at all. The possibility was acknowledged by an anonymous English monk when he remarked:

“But now you will ask me ‘How am I to think of God himself and what is he?’ And I cannot answer you except to say, ‘I do not know!” For with the question, you have brought me into the Cloud of Unknowing ... of God himself can no man think.”

The Catholic God who carried me through my childhood and my teenage years sat on his throne, tapping his fingers impatiently, waiting for his chance to judge me as soon as I step over into the great beyond.

I was fearful of him. I tried to be good but I didn’t always succeed and so I carried the guilt of being a child of Satan and the terror of forever burning in the hot fires of hell with the fallen angels. Though I professed to love this God, his impeccable standards set a tremendous weight upon me.

Into my university years, I allowed our relationship to cool. Was this the type of relationship I wanted: fearful, guilt-ridden and anxious on bended knees? Surely there had to be something more healthier, fulfilling and spiritual.

For several years, I existed in a spiritual and religious void. I may even have uttered the fact that I didn’t believe in God ... at least not the version that emanated out of the Bible and the mouths of the religiously righteous.

In hindsight, I think this was my cleansing period. This was the time when I perhaps shedded old ideas, thoughts and guilt and prepared myself for something that would be more satisfying, majestic and wholesome.

Eventually, a version of the almighty came trickling into my thoughts from my inner being. This Allah was softer, gentler, and more forgiving. I stand side-by-side with this presence as I am guided through the emotional, psychological and spiritual complexities of this journey we call life.

The God(dess) that is mine is energy — enormous in its intensity, its goodness and its compassion and which lives within me on a daily basis.

I like to think of the Goddess that is mine as energy — energy that is enormous in its intensity, its goodness and its compassion and which lives within me on a daily basis. This is the same subtle energy that infuses all living things and supposedly is what people call “soul.” I would like to think that this is what exists after death.

Am I perhaps the daughter who does not believe in God? It certainly all depends on one’s perspective and insight. The “God” I carry within me does not punish for valuing a friend who may be homosexual, nor does he inflict my friends with damnation for dating or marrying a divorced person.

He allows me the sensibility to not to come down to hard on myself when I do not succeed in doing what I know is in my heart. I can try harder the next time. I have learned that spouting biblical quotes and regular church attendance does not exalt me into a moral or higher being.

What I have come to understand is that when we learn to truly care and feel for others who need help, including the poor and the sick, only then we will reach the height of our spiritual experience.

Along with these insights have come other awakenings that fit into my “God paradigm.” For instance, I have come to disbelieve in a literal hell. Why should earth beings need the existence of such a place to deter us from doing wrong? Our own hearts should guide us.

As a result of my soul-searching, I am now a strong believer that life goes on in another dimension, not because I was told that it exists but because I sense and feel it.

There is the strong possibility what we may be “judged” on our transitions on this earth but the judging ultimately comes from within, no doubt aided by the grace of the Great One. While there may not be a hell in my vision of the afterlife, I’m inclined to believe that there may be some sort of a gradation of lights we may be relegated to depending on our moral character and inclination. We ought to make our lives a spiritual, as opposed to a religious and materialistic, adventure.

What we may be “judged” on our transitions on this earth but the judging ultimately comes from within, no doubt aided by the grace of the Great One.

I am not entirely confident to believe that what I have embraced in response to the mysteries of the world is the way, the truth and the light. All I know is that I am more comfortable with the Creator I have awakened to. I prefer a subtle guidance of my spiritual nature rather than one that is judgmental and in your face.

My Catholic childhood guilt and anxieties are diminishing; my mind is free to gather the insights necessary for me to live a more decent and compassionate life. No one truly knows what the face of God looks like but we can all surmise what’s in her heart. Our term upon this plane is a complex and often arduous one. We need each other’s understanding and compassion to complete the walk.

I believe that Xeroxed copies of God need not be in everyone’s heart and mind. Perhaps there is a God for each one of us, as personalized as our lives are. Maybe if we accept each other’s versions of all the gods that live amongst and within us, there will be no daughters or sons without a god, for whatever lives in our hearts is truly that which is supreme.