I don't care what people said, I for one missed your traditional fruit cake this year. When Jon came home with this recipe, I thought perhaps this would inspire you to get back on track for next year;
HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE RECIPE
You will need the following; a cup of water, a cup of sugar, flour, 4 large brown eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey.
Sample the whiskey and check the quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer.
Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar of something. Whatever you find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.