I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. --- Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. --- Erica Jong
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. --- Rita Rudner
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. --- Roseanne
This guy says, " I'm perfect for you, cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" --- Judy Tenuta
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant. --- Carol Leifer
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. --- Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. --- Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. --- Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. --- Roseanne
I think-therefore I'm single. --- Lizz Winstead
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. --- Elayne Boosler
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. --- Gilda Radner
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. --- Maryon Pearson
Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. --- Bella Abzug
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. --- Margaret Thatcher
If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary. --- Margaret Atwood
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. --- Gloria Steinhem
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. --- Katharine Hepburn
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. --- Marie Corelli
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? --- Linda Ellerbee