It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the Admittance Policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day you died.
The policy would go into effect promptly at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person arrived at the gates of Heaven.
The gatekeeper Angel, remembering the new policy, said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair - but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife, half naked, was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. Wouldn't you know it? He landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die. Now in a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him.
Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel thought for a moment. Technically, even though it was a crime of passion, the guy did have a bad day, so the Angel announced, "Okay, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven!" and let him in.
A few seconds later, the next arrival, to the Angel's surprise, was Donald Trump! "Mr. ... Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem, but you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I'd been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and fell over the side. Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine, but, all of a sudden, this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well - of course I fell! I hit some trees and bushes that broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm lying there, face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this lunatic push his refrigerator - of all things! - off the balcony. It landed on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel quietly laughed to himself as Trump finished his story and thought, "I could get used to this new policy!" "Very well," the Angel announced. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he let Trump enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton arrived at the gate. The Angel was almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war poured through the Angel's head. Finally he said, "Mr. President, please - tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton said, "Okay. Picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator . . .