| Our Beloved Sweetheart Kayla by Julie & Mark Wagner (Our story as submitted to the Brief Encounters Newsletter, October 2002) |
 |
| One year ago, October 2001, we found out that we were pregnant with our first child. Words cannot describe the emotions that this news can bring. At first we didn’t know what to think. We were nervous that we wouldn’t be good parents or that our lives would be changed forever. Well, the second part has certainly come true. Our lives have been changed forever. At 20 weeks we went for a routine ultrasound. We were able to see our baby move and also see the heart beating. We were amazed and thrilled seeing our own baby inside the womb. Later that evening, our doctor called to tell us that it looked like something was wrong. Two days later we went in for a more detailed ultrasound with a perinatal specialist. After five long hours of ultrasounds and counseling, we were left with the heart-wrenching news that there was no amniotic fluid (probably due to kidney problems caused by a rare condition called “Potter’s Syndrome”), and that our baby would probably only live a few hours after birth. Immediately after this prognosis, the specialist said we had some “tough decisions to make" and most in this situation would terminate the pregnancy. After we made it clear that we wanted to do everything we could to support the baby's life and let God make the tough decisions, he said we would probably carry the baby to term only to watch the baby die, but he did have one patient with the same diagnosis, and whose daughter was fine (she still sends him pictures at every birthday). We rejoiced for our baby’s soul and the miracle of life that had already occurred. With our baby’s life in danger, we felt our baby needed our love and care more than ever. Our due date was still July 5, so we were only half-way. Plenty of time for a second miracle! We struggled with this news for two weeks. We went from nervous excitement after finding out about our pregnancy, to extreme excitement and anticipation about having our own child, to a feeling of despair and helplessness. Two weeks later, we went for a check-up and discovered our baby’s heart had stopped beating. We chose to induce delivery so we could see and hold our child. Our baby girl, Kayla Faye Marie Wagner was stillborn at 3:52am. Little Kayla was so very tiny: 7" long and weighing 3 and 3/4 oz. “Kayla” means beloved sweetheart, “Faye” means faith, and “Marie” is a form of Mary, the Mother of God, and means sea of bitterness. We truly celebrated and shared our baby’s life. We held Kayla for a long time, marveling at her two ears, her little rib cage and shoulders, and her long legs (which she must have gotten from Daddy). The nurse imprinted her footprints and handprints on a Certificate of Remembrance for us to keep. They laid a little dress over her body for her photos. And there was a tiny bonnet on her head and a crocheted pink and white blanket to hold her in and for us to treasure later in a hand-painted memory box (all donated by the hospital). Many friends and relatives visited us in the hospital offering hugs and tears, and even holding our tiny daughter. We had a beautiful funeral Mass, surrounded by loved ones, with our youth choir singing and the reading of three special poems. We buried her in a cemetery just down the road from Grandma and Grandpa’s house, in a lovely section just for babies. Our time to be parents was too short; we only knew of her life for about three and half months before having to say good-bye. We know we will always be Mommy and Daddy to this lovely little soul. She is deeply missed, but we know we have our Beloved Sweetheart Kayla in heaven praying for us. |
 |