My philosophy of living my life truthfully, according to what makes sense
to me, and independent of what society dictates dawned on me at a very
young age. I was ahead of my time, as I questioned everything that didn't
make sense, whether it came from other children or from adults. However,
society didn't know quite what to make of me and as a result my attitude
was labeled as willful, at best. At first, I bought into it, because I was
a kid and had no right being an independent thinker. With maturity, I
realized that I am who I am, and society would have to learn to handle it.
One memory that remains crystal clear in my mind that typically sums up my
early years while developing my philosophy of life occurred when I was
eight years old, in my grade three class. Sister George had just chosen my
best friend Elizabeth to play the Virgin Mary in our Christmas play. Most
of us accepted Sister's ruling as gracious as any eight year old can accept
anything, disappointed, but tending to blame Sister for her poor judgement
in not picking us, rather than Elizabeth for being so honored. Everyone,
that is, except for Gloria and her boy friend, Daryl. Right after Sister
announced her decision she was called from the classroom, and left one of
the more responsible kids in charge until she returned.
Daryl and Gloria's objection to Sisters choice escalated to the point of
being down right insulting to Elizabeth, and she began to cry. I turned in
my seat, and told Daryl that he could just "shut up" or be real sorry. I
put my arm around Elizabeth and tried to comfort her by assuring her that
the rest of the class thought she would make a beautiful "Mary". The rest
of the class echoed my sentiments, and for the moment Elizabeth stopped
crying and managed to smile a little. I sat back down in my desk and
prayed that Sister would return before Daryl could hurt Elizabeth's
feelings again. But no such luck, and it wasn't long before Daryl was at
it again. When Daryl wondered what Jesus would think about having a "squaw"
for a mother I casually clenched my hand into a fist, swung my arm behind
me and decked him, knocking him right out of his desk in the process. Of
course this was the exact moment that Sister made her return entrance. As
she tried to stop Daryl's nose from bleeding, she insisted that I leave
immediately, to pay a visit to the principal, Sister Antoinette, where I
could explain my deviant behavior, and what ever had possessed me to do
such a thing? I tried to explain it to her but Daryl was still yeowling,
all the kids were laughing, Elizabeth had begun to cry again, and Gloria
was still crying, so she couldn't hear me.
Oh my GOD! Sister Antoinette, the nun who even inspired fear in Father
O'Shaughnassey's heart. This is the lady to whom I would have to explain
why I had decked a fellow classmate. It took me five minutes to walk from
my classroom down the hall and around the corner to Sister Antoinette's
office. In response to my knock, Sister's very aggressive, "COME IN",
waifed through the closed door. Very timidly I slunk into her office, and
at her request, slithered into the chair closest to the door and furthest
from her desk.
Sister Antoinette, smiled down at me, but it felt like a leer, and inquired
as to what pleasure she owed my visit? What could I possibly say to make
what I had done, sound reasonable? Normally I didn't like to "rat" on
anyone, not even Daryl, but the only thing that made sense to me, at this
point, was to tell the truth and take the consequences. I swished my feet
back and forth under the chair, sighed a huge sigh, and let 'er rip.
"Sister, he was saying things to hurt Elizabeth, and Elizabeth didn't do
anything, so, after I warned him and he still wouldn't stop, I...I decked
him." The last part came out in a wince, in fact I do believe I even
ducked when I said it.
"Ach girl, so ye let your fists to do your talkin, did ye? Who is the
lucky person to be on the receivin end of your opinion this fine day, my
child?"
I do believe I had my first religious experience, at this point, because I
found myself alive and well, so far! It gave me renewed resolve as I
plunged into the rest of the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I made
up my mind that if this worked, I was going to listen to my own instincts
and tell the truth for the rest of my life, no matter what anyone called
me, so help me, I would! "Daryl Smith, Maam. He was saying all sorts of
nasty things because Sister George, picked Elizabeth and not Gloria, to
play Mary in our Christmas play. When he called her a squaw, she really
started crying. I told him to stop calling her names, but he wouldn't.
After I hit him he stopped. I'm not one teeny tiny bit sorry for hitting
him, neither, I'll take what's coming to me, but I won't tell him I'm sorry."
"Me oh my you must be insulted to be so full of resolve. Patty, me girl,
as you grow older, hitting will become an unacceptable way to settle your
disagreements and will get you into much trouble. You are a girl of good
will, and I wouldn't want to think of that happening to you."
"But Sister, I used my words but he wouldn't listen."
"Ach, what do ya expect he'd be doin when ya tell him to 'shut up'? Do you
listen to people when they tell you to shut up, girl?"
Well, nno, but...
"I'm afraid that words alone just aren't enough, you must train yourself to
choose what you say carefully, with respect, even when you are convinced
you are talkin to a fool, or they won't listen.
"Respect! Daryl wouldn't know respect if it kicked him in the pants!"
"Well girl, that doesn't mean, you, can kick him in the pants. It would be
a sad day, if your parents settled all their disagreements that way.
They'd wind up in jail charged with assault. One day you will be expected
to voice your opinion, and it isn't that far away, so ya might as well
start practisin now."
"Yes maam, but it's going to be awfully hard to respect Daryl. Can't I
just do a detention instead?"
Sister chuckled before she offered to help me with my problem. "If you
want, I'll teach you the formula for self control that my mother, God rest
her soul, taugh to me when I was your age. It keeps me out of trouble
to this very day, it does."
I was more curious than dubious, and agreed to try and learn the formula.
She pushed up the sleeves of her habit, and dug right in. "Okay, here's
what to do, before you say anything. Wrap your arms around yourself; give
yourself a great big hug then count to ten, then back again."
1, 2, 3, Jesus loves me, 4, 5, it's great to be alive
6, 7, we'll all meet in heaven, 8, 9, 10, we'll all become friends
10, 9, 8, lets open the gate, 7, 6, our problems to fix
5, 4, 3, please listen to me, 2, 1, He loves everyone.
When you've got yourself under control, the right words come into play:
Stop it!
When you're doing what you're doing...I don't like it!
It makes me angry and blue, when you're mean and untrue.
Now, if you say you're sorry, that's a different story.
What'll God say, if you keep acting this way?"
"That's a neat rhyme, Sister, but does it really work?"
"It does, when you look em in the eye and say it with feeling, Patty. Now
then, go back to class and tell this misguided young lad to come and see
me, immediately?'
"What about my detention, Sister?"
"You'll not be gettin one this time my dear, because you have a good heart.
However, if I ever hear tell of ya hittin another human bein' again, I'll
be giving you a detention that you'll never forget!"
"Yes, Maam!" With a big grin on my face, I tore out of the office as fast
as my feet would carry me.
Of course, when I entered the class, Daryl was the first one to spout off,
saying, "Betcha got a month's worth of detention for hitting me, na, na,
nana, na! Poor Fatty, Patty, two by four. "I gave myself a hug, and as I
sat in my desk, I counted and rhymed my brains out. After I was finished,
I turned to Ditzy Daryl, and said, "Oh by the way, Daryl, Sister Antoinette
wants to see you in her office. Now!" As Sister George dialed up the
office on the intercom to check, I warned Daryl. "Ignore me if you want,
Daryl, but keep in mind who we are talking about, and she did say,
immediately." As I turned around in my desk, Sister George, looking ashen
and pale, informed Daryl that he was indeed expected in the office, five
minutes ago.
Just after Sister George apologized to me for not listening to my side of
the story, Daryl returned with Sister Antoinette. The entire class was
entranced by Sister Antionette's story about the noble history of our
Native People and how proud Elizabeth must feel to have such a rich and
interesting heritage. Elizabeth was glowing by the time Sister finished.
Daryl apologized to Elizabeth and from that day on, he never, ever, teased
Elizabeth again.
His parents were called to the school, and after Sister talked to them,
Daryl had to serve two weeks detention, at school, and was grounded at
home, for a month.
I was grounded for a week, by my parents, but then I expected I would be.
I use the hug, and the poem that Sister Antoinette taught me, to this day.
It doesn't always work, but it does more often than not and it keeps me out
of a lot of trouble. One thing's for sure I never hit anyone, again.
True, I didn't want to find out what the consequences would be from Sister
Antionette, but mostly I found I just didn't need to anymore.
