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Footprints In The Sand
by Author Unknown

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes of his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it had happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered the man and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed you most, you would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

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Family Ties
by Pat Fowler

"The family is one of nature's masterpieces."
- George Santayana

When my son was almost three, my husband's grandfather had just been put into a senior citizen's home. As we visited Grandpa every week, I got to know a number of his cohabitants. I discovered that many of them hadn't seen anyone in their family for weeks, months, for some it had been years. Truth be known, many of them didn't get visitors at all anymore as most of their friends were either dead already or in the home too. To make matters worse I learned that this situation was very common amongst the seniors in all thirteen of the homes that we performed in. My heart broke. I vowed that no one in my family would ever have to sit and tell a stranger what I had just heard. About that time I came across the following quote:

"Be the change that you want to see in the world"
- Mahatma Gandhi

For me, it has been the inspiration to do the right thing in the many aspects of my life. Sometimes it isn't easy but it is a priority and somehow everything gets done.

I've had an occasion to see my elderly mother in a whole new light lately. Gone is the woman who could handle anything, make the best of difficult situation, cook up a storm at Christmas with both hands tied behind her back, knew more than I did, and could make a decision in two seconds flat.

Upon doing much thinking, reading and talking to others, I have come to the conclusion that I'm not alone in my discovery. It is a natural evolution into old age that is as inevitable as the changing of the seasons for all of us now that life spans are growing longer. There comes a time when your parents become dependent, in spite of all their vows of remaining independent forever.

It seems like over night that mom can't remember what she just said, but has no problem remember everything I have said and since birth. She can't remember to take her medication but can rattle off my duties for the next three weeks. She can't remember where she put her teeth, but recalls who gave her all the nick-knacks in her room.

I remember a time when she could take my son in a heart beat and care for him almost as good as I could. She was the only one I trusted to care for him if "heaven forbid" I had to work when he was sick. Now she can't even have a shower by herself and is afraid to answer the telephone and doorbell.

She gave equal attention to my brother and his family. A few weeks after my brother's wife gave birth to their second son, my brother hurt his back, while moving his growing family into their new house. He planned to use his three weeks holidays from work to save money and paint the in side of the house himself. For the first week, what little sleep he did get after looking after the two babies and his wife while he lay on the floor.

Even though he and his family lived three hours away from home he knew he could phone Mom for help. Mom managed to persuade Dad to use his two weeks holidays so they could both go and help my brother do the painting. Dad just got quietly drunk for two weeks but Mom painted like a trooper with my brother when his back would allow. She also cooked supper for all of them every night for two weeks as her and Dad couldn't afford to eat out. She was always doing nice things like that for both of us.

Now, She needs my help doing her personal health care, especially since having five major health problems in as many years. The doctor told me that it is totally normal and to be expected that she has become very self centered since having any one of her health problems let alone five. In the elderly, even a cold or the flu can mean facing their mortality. Further, I can expect that she will feel vulnerable, frightened and ill tempered because of all the changes in her life. He assured me that she is more frustrated by them than the entire family put together.

"Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old."
- Jonathan Swift

"When an elderly woman was asked why she was standing in line to buy stamps from a teller when she could have used a stamp machine she replied: The machine won't ask me about my arthritis!"
- Author Unknown

When I think about it, it all makes sense. I'm not going to be the least bit gracious when I must face the lose of my independence. I know I'll feel scared when I have to face my mortality every time I get sick, when my partner dies, not to mention my dismay when I figure out that I'm the only one in my family who is still alive.

"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life."
- Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

Still it is disconcerting that I am often more of a parent to my mother than she is to me. That's okay, being disconcerted is my problem, mom's got enough of her own. I'll handle it. It's my turn to be the strong one. When one is enmeshed in "Life's Little Ironies" there is nothing else to be done, but face it, handle it, rise above it and get on with life.

"A daughter is your friend for the rest of her life
A son is a son until he chooses a wife."

This quote, from the Bible, can be taken many ways. Never, ever use it as an excuse to ignore your elderly parents. It won't wash with anyone over two years old and most certainly not when you look in the mirror.

While a grown female and/or male child's family is ultimately important and takes precedence over everything in life, it does not preclude other responsibilities. There's family, extended family, career, community, and friends in that order.

Your parents will rediscover their dignity and worth in your eyes, your actions, your respect, and your presence in their lives.

"If wrinkles must be written upon our brows,
let them not be written upon the heart.
The spirit should never grow old."
- James A. Garfield

Actually your worth will be calculated at the same time. You see while all these changes are happening to your elderly parents, what you choose to do about them will be closely monitored by your kids. Regardless of their age, your children will be taking it all in.

Like it or not, your turn to get old is coming. You will have as much control on when and how it happens as your parents do. It could very well mean that you loose your choices and independence.

"Old age is the most unexpected of all the things
that can happen to a man."
- Leon Trotsky

It's a done deal that there's going to come a time when you will have to contend with what you see in your children's eyes and the example you set for them. Your quality of life could well depend on it.

"Don't strew me with roses after I'm dead.
When Death claims the light of my brow
No flowers of life will cheer me:
instead You may give me my roses now!"
- Thomas F. Healey

These days advanced old age is as inevitable as death itself but not without humane solutions.

"Well, there's a remedy for all things but death."
- Miguel De Cervantes

As my cousin Harvey so eloquently put it, "Dad's getting so forgetful and ornery lately, he's driving me crazy. We go anyway but now we have to work real hard to cope with the fact that he's getting old."

Now, that's the spirit!

"Other things may change us,
but we start and end with family."
- Anthony Brandt

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A Kind Heart
by Pat Fowler

"Celebrate what you want to see more of."
- Tom Peters

While my husband and I walk around a local Festival in our city called the Fringe, we notice a young quadriplegic panhandling. He is sitting/laying in his wheel chair under the awning of a restaurant that employs many young people, on the trendy street that the Fringe focuses itself around, My heart breaks.

Earlier on, that day, I read a local columnist's article on panhandlers at the Fringe. The gist of the sentiment he expresses in his article is..."I don't feel a darn bit sorry for anyone who panhandles. Why don't panhandlers just get a job?"

While I don't blanket all panhandlers with empathy, I am sensitive enough to know that each has his/her own story and should not be painted with a such a broad brush.

I'm sufficiently moved to write this particular columnist a letter asking him where his head is. I suggest that things must be pretty bad when a dude like him can walk past a quadriplegic panhandling and still write such a negative article condemning all panhandlers.

I express great confidence that the columnist must still have his notes on the research he did regarding the panhandlers and could he please tell me about this handicapped young man. "You can't miss him. He is the only one laying in a wheelchair, sporting a sign asking for money cuz he can't speak well enough to verbally ask for a donation himself."

Why do I want to know this young man's story? Surely I'm not being too remise to believe and expect my country to be too kind to expect a person so physically challenged, to beg in the streets. If we aren't then why aren't we? You gotta know that this young person has it rough enough already don't you think? Surely, this must all be one big mistake.

I never do receive an answer from the columnist. I suspect he's too busy getting on with his own shallow life, to bother.

When reality sets in again, I resolve to find out about this young quadriplegic diplomatically, so as not to upset what little he seems to already have.

I am just "tuned in" enough to realize that if I call the "powers that be", they will probably just shut him down, cuz he's bothering the clientele, rather than trying to be of any real help.

I will go into the restaurant I see him sitting in front of and ask the people who work there about him. I learn that he is there every day that the weather permits, regardless of the festival. Many of the staff go out and talk with him on they're coffee breaks. There is one young man in particular named George, who spends much time out there with the quadriplegic from whom I can probably learn the most.

Due to the increase traffic created by the festival, the restaurant is extremely busy, so I decide that asking anymore questions at this particular time isn't feasible. I will wait until the festival is over before I talk to George to see whether I personally can be of any help.

I no longer feel so intense as I am encouraged by the fact that the entire restaurant not only accepts the handicapped young man but has befriended him as well.

"The capacity to care is what gives life
its most deepest significance."
- Pablo Casals

I'm sure that while the situation remains desperate, this challenged fellow citizen knows he has friends who care about him. If not the many young people who work at the restaurant, I am confident that he knows that George won't let anything bad happen to his friend.

"And all people live,
Not by reason of any care they have for themselves,
But by the love for them that is in other people."
- Leo Tolstoy

My faith in human nature reaffirms itself as I realize that it is still possible to admire a person merely on the strength of the example he sets. I wonder if George knows how deeply he touches my life, by accepting his friends, without qualification or thought of personal gain.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone
Who can do him absolutely no good."
- Ann Landers

George is without doubt the kind of friend we should all have the good fortune of having at least once in our lifetime. I celebrate this young lad with great gusto.

"A kind heart is a fountain of gladness,
Making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles."
- Washington Irving

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Inspirational Thoughts
by Pat Fowler

Inspirational Thoughts clears my thinking

Before you roll your eyes at the mere thought of an inspirational quote and consider them mere cliches, trite and boring, let me tell you why I read them.

They make me think.

Reading inspirational works, is like having a collective heart to heart with some of the greatest thinkers of the world.

So many times reading inspirational quotes has helped me reason my way into clear thinking and doing the right thing.

Inspirational quotes can't and won't do your thinking for you, but if you open your mind and heart to what they say and how you really feel, they can work miracles.

Read on and I will tell you of one such moment in my life, where inspirational reading helps me adjust my attitude, gain perspective and "be the friend I always wanted to have".

After spending the day, liftin that bale and totin that barge (cleaning the house from top to bottom) I decide to do some surfing on the Web.

As I surf through one of my favorite inspirational quotes sites I am struck by the following quote and keep coming back to it several times.

"Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time,
It might be too late.
Seize the day!"

The irresistible urge to return to this quote is beginning to bug me so I decide to sit there a read the darn thing over and over again until I understand what my little voice is trying to tell me.

Hmmmmmm!!!!! Nothing is becoming clear to me as I reread it...I mean I know what it means and agree with it's message whole heatedly. I try to live by it's advise and let all those whom I love, like, and respect, know that I appreciate them. In fact over the years, I have embarrassed a few people by telling them that I like their style.

Soooo, I went to remind my husband that I love him more and more each day that we spend together and I am a better person for marrying him; I gave mom a hug and told her how nice it is to have her "living" with us, and how much I value the time we spend together. I sought out my wonderful son and told him that he's the most profound thing that ever happened to me, I'm glad he is my son, and that I'm very very proud of him.

I even looked in the mirror and tell myself a positive thing or two before going back to my machine to do more surfing. Self, I said, even though I have made many mistakes lately, and will never be perfect, I like me anyway.

I take often take great comfort in the following quote: "If God intended for today to be perfect, He would not have invented tomorrow."

Still I keep returning to the same haunting quote. Say what you mean, tell them, express yourself, Seize the day...What?????????

Aha, I have it...it's that disagreement I had with a friend recently that is coming back to haunt me. We've both been under much stress lately, but to put me on ignore! Puleeze, that is not only immature and mean spirited but rude and insulting too.

Of course speaking to someone when one is first inspired to be angry can also turn out to be immature, mean spirited, rude and insulting. I sure have to cool off before I speak under those circumstances.

Upon reflection, I do believe I would rather hear nothing than have someone in my face suggesting that I do something rude and impossible with myself. Me thinks that "silence can be golden" at times.

But I was so worried about him...he must have known that. I sent a million messages, via every route possible. I even tried to phone him, but he was screening his calls. That makes me so angry...how can he treat me this way?

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to apologize. He had just finished razzing me about talking too much, why did he take me calling him a coward so much to heart? Jeeze if you "can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen".

You don't suppose he's feeling kind of vulnerable too, just like I am? Still, I'm the one who's sick, not him. He's just been working too many hours for far too long and finally tells his boss that he's had enough.

Well I guess either one equally qualifies for the vulnerability test.

Still, I, had to physically face my mortality, while he just faced a major life change. Essentially throwing a thirty year career investment down the proverbial tubes and starting over again at fifty.

Yikes, that's scary too!

Through all my crises I have my husband to lean on, while my friend chooses to be a bachelor and live alone. If he had seen fit to tell me he has a new girl friend I wouldn't have been so worried about him. Well, in a round about way, I suppose he did tell me or else how would I know?

Okay...alright...so we're both feeling very vulnerable, and stressed out, and reacted in kind.

I resolve to "be the friend I've always want to have".

There are three kinds of people in the world: "Ones that make things happen...Ones that watch what happen...and...Ones that ask What Happened?" I want my friend to know that even in our impetuous youth I believe him to be the first one.

Okay so how do I tell someone who has me on ignore that I am sorry for the part I played in this whole mess?

I can just wait until he comes out of his pout.

No that's not the solution. Sometimes the silence of one's friends can speak volumes. By letting it go, will my silence be saying what I want to say? I think not. It will just perpetuate the misunderstanding.

"In good times or bad, we are what we think we are and take to heart all those things that people say to us that are in the same vein as our thoughts."
- Buddha (B.C. 568-488)

I'm going to try one more time to let him know how I feel and this time I'm going to be contrite, not accusatory; forgiving not judgmental; honest not just accurate. I will swallow my accursed pride and really tell it like it is and I won't make my apology contingent on what he chooses to do about the situation. It will be unconditional.

I am basically a people person, whether I like to admit it or not. For that reason, my priorities will always rest with the "love I have for people rather than the hate I have for their actions.

We both live the life we chose for ourselves and therefore basically feel content and successful in our own way. When we forget this, it is up to our friends remind us.

Consider yourself reminded, my friend.

If he won't listen to my personal act of contrition, well then, I'll just have to tell the world how I feel.

I will start by forgiving myself. Each day instead of remonstrating myself for making such a cruel mistake, I'll look in the mirror and really like who I see.

"Be good to yourself,
Be patient,
Be kind,
Be forgiving, After all,
You're all you've got!!!"
- Author Unknown

I made my decision, and "seized the day". Now it is up to my friend.

At least I am at peace with myself and feel free to get on with life.

If I must I can be content that I finally "said what I meant"; and "gave it my best shot".

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Age is a Relative Thing
by Pat Fowler

"You may search my time-worn face,
You'll find a merry eye that twinkles
I am NOT an old lady
Just a little girl with wrinkles."
- Edythe E. Bregnard

This quote reminds me of the nicest lady whom I met in the doctor's office a while back. I don't believe I caught her name, and if I did, I forget it now. Truth be known, this lady is the sum total of her positive attitude; adventurous spirit; profound tolerance; and capacity to love that no one name can truly sum up or describe anyway.

The doctor's receptionist/nurse and I are passionately discussing parenting and day cares. We agreed that the sad state of today's children is not due to both parents working but the low priority in general placed on the children when families are together at home.

We conclude that society as a whole does not value children highly enough and becomes intolerant when kids begin to demand attention as they grow older.

By the time children reach their teen years, their attempts for attention escalates to a thunderous roar and cannot be ignored. However by that time the teen no longer believes that they need any adult guidance and insist on handling their problems themselves amongst their peers.

The dear lady whom I referred to earlier, enters the waiting room as the nurse and I are telling each other examples from our own personal experiences that support our claims. As she quietly sits down she becomes rapt up in our conversation.

Our sentiments become stronger on the issue as the doctor's nurse says, "You know what I'd do if I were a police officer? I'd hall the juvenile offender and his parents into court and make them all do community service. Then perhaps parents would prioritize parenthood and raise their kids in such a way that the lines of communication remain open."

We both hesitate, look at the grey-haired lady and apologize for our strong sentiments on the subject.

With a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, the elderly lady reassures us. "Not to worry about a thing, girls, there's precious little that surprises me anymore."

She went on to agree that the lines of communication must stay open and to do that a parent must grow with their children and know them well. "A parent *must* stay on top of all the issues facing their children. I have six teenaged grand daughters who all live in town. My grand daughters tell me literally everything, about their friends, their classmates, drugs, teenaged pregnancy, you name it, we discuss it."

Both, the doctor's nurse and I compliment the dear lady on that remarkable revelation and ask her what her secret is.

"My grandchildren tell me everything because they know they won't shock me."

You gotta love this dynamic lady. She may have grey hair, but she will never be old.

Wouldn't we all be fortunate to *have* a Grandma like her?

To tell you the truth, it's a little to late for me to wish for that but I'm going to work very hard to *be* a Grandma just like her.

"Live so that when your children think
of fairness and integrity,
They think of you."
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

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