Only the beautiful can fly!
I was at my local pub the other day, relaxing with the bartender and discussing the weather. We had been alone in the place until these two fellows came in, sat down at the bar and had a drink. Mel, the bartender, had something to take care of so he left me to my suds and thoughts. As I sat there I couldn't help overhearing what those two fellows were talking about and I kind of half listened and half planned my schedule for the next day. I'd made a promise to a friend that I'd help him tow his old truck to a wrecking yard and was thinking of what time I should call him when a phrase the younger of the two said made me perk up. He said,
'The Ugly Factor, what's that?'
From the jest of their talk I'd figured out that the two were off-duty cops and had just completed a tour-of-duty. So when the older cop said;
'Ok, here's an example. Suppose you and your partner have just got
a radio call to the Doll House Bar on a fight-in-progress. You both have
been there before and know it's a rough place. The first thing you do as
you enter the bar is quickly scan for aggressive body language, right
The younger cop replied;
'That's what they taught us in the academy!'
The older one then said with emphasis;
'Bull! What you need to do is use the Ugly Factor!'
The young guy then simply said;
'Huh?'
The old hand took a sip of his beer, wiped his hand across his mouth and replied;
'How many handsome guys have you every had to punch out, or good-looking
chicks have you had to wrestle with? None, right? That's because they don't
want to get their faces all messed up. Those kind of people have it made and they
know it, so they don't get into any arguments or fights. The first thing any cop
should do when he enters the bar is look for the ugliest son-of-gun in there,
because that's who he'll have to fight!';
What the older cop had said made me think, and I realized he was right. I had witnessed a few bar fights and even had to referee a couple, and as I thought back on them I remembered none of them involved what you'd call good-looking or handsome guys. They were always guys that you and I would consider ugly. As I pondered this new line of thought I began to slowly realize that the Ugly Factor applied to pilots as well. I tried to remember an ugly pilot and couldn't come up with one. Then I started to think about the others in aviation, mechanics, line-boys, FBO's and such. Now in those fields I could pick out quite a number of people we'd call homely. But even of this group I couldn't select an ugly pilot. No matter what the occupation was if the guy or gal flew a plane then he or she was one of the beautiful people.
About the time I had resolved myself to this new philosophy I remembered a homely fellow from a few years back. Now that guy was ugly, and he flew a plane. That kind of shot my new idea down in flames. That is until I remembered that he got himself kilt while flying. I racked my brain for other incidents where the unlucky pilot of a fatal plane crash had been ugly. Almost immediately a couple of more people I'd known came to mind. And in a flash it hit me! The Ugly Factor weeded out those pilots who weren't considered good-looking. For some reason, perhaps survival-of-the-beautiful, only people with handsome faces are allowed to fly an airplane. Now I'm not mentioning handsome bodies, only faces. Considering this, if you look in the mirror and what stares back is ugly, and you fly a plane, maybe you should look for some other hobby. I understand mud-wrestling is suppose to be a lot of fun.
(The title 'The Ugly Factor' and the idea for this story came from an
article in the April 1987 issue of Police, written by David Smith.)