Guess what! I'm bored! See, I didn't make you guess today. You were just being too difficult yesterday. So, how has your life been with "Bob" or should I say "Stalker: Texas Ranger"? That's funny! Yessir, it was funny! **This sentence edited, due to content. But it brought up Mr. Rogers. That's all you really need to know.** Do you spell Mr. Rodgers like R-o-d-g-e-r-s or just R-o-g-e-r-s? I'll probably have to look it up online, because I can't remember and there's no way in LINE I'm going to watch the **edited** thing. ((I was having a bad day, or something. I don't usually write things that need to be edited out later on.)) Not even the opening credits. Nossir, I didn't like him. Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood - the town Mr. Rogers owned, with a population of nothing but plastic horses that came alive whenever Mr. R wasn't looking. At least, that's what he said. Did you know his first name was Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob? And his middle name was Mr. He went by his middle name, obviously. I swear! I looked it up. Yet, I still can't remember how to spell his last name for sure. Oh, well. His real name, of course, is Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob Mr. Smith. And he's wanted by the FBI. No WONDER he changed his name! I would too. Smith. Jeez, Rogers is better. No one knows if you are Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob Smith, or Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob Rodgers, or Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob Rogers. But they get a kick outta trying to figure it out down at the FBI office. Sometimes I almost feel sorry for Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob. Oh, well, that's what happens when you're a famous guy trying to cover up those three murders you comitted last year. Heck, who cares? It was only your aunt Louise, Grandpa Lou, and Mary-Mary-Quite-Contrary-Amy-Sarah-Christina-Angela-Amanda-Melanie-Annie-Stalker-Stephanie, your neighbor. Some people!
-Rhiannon
P.S. Give my regards to Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob, and screw Broadway!
Now this next letter was written some time later, by Stalker:Texas Ranger. You can see a picture of him at Kristen's page, under "Artstuffs."
I heard Mr. Smith got his name LEGALLY changed. Now it's Bob. That's it. His first name, middle name, last name, and anything in between, is Bob. So, his name isn't Bob Bob. It's Bob. All his previous names have been combined and edited. His birth certificate looks like this:
and that's about it. Yessir. Bob. Personally, I liked Billy-Bob-Joe-John-Paul-George-Ringo-Daniel-Fred-Michael-Angelo-Fred-Joe-Bob-David-Lee-Roth-Bob. Speaking of David Lee Roth, we have to watch my VH1 video. And BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. Actually, it's Rhiannon's tape and everything, but I'll be watching it too. Rhiannon told me what a doofus **edited** is. That's what I'm going to call him from now on. **edited** Doofus. "Yeah, too bad **edited** will be gone next year," said S:TR, his/her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, bloody hell," he/she then said, realizing he/she had dropped his/her pants. "The media will have a field day with this," he/she said as he/she picked his/her pants up. I should be added to the BAD people list on the board. I did, after all, ditch class to sneak in here and dictate this letter. Er... write this letter and give it to Rhiannon... which I haven't done yet. I'm not in that room yet. I telepathically know about the BAD people list. I'm not in band. Which is why you never see me talking to Rhiannon. I keep myself pretty well hidden the few times I've been seen with her in public. She says after she gets rich, she'll pay me to kill Sparky. I said no, it's my treat. And we argued for awhile. We agreed I'd kill him if she could pay me in rock candy. (My favorite.) ((Note to everyone reading this: this is all a joke. Don't go nuts and take it seriously.)) I said yeah, but not too much cuz I'd like to keep my teeth around for awhile longer. So now everything is ok again. Rhiannon, right now, is writing something in her notebook. It may look like she's writing this, but she's not. She's writing a journal entry or plotting to kill Sparky or something. See, now I'm spying on you guys. Rhiannon just waved to me. She knows when I'm around, because she can feel a disturbance in the force. I don't believe in the force, maybe that has something to do with it. But I don't believe in muppets or sea otters either, so... whatever. Your band sounds unusually bad today. Why? Oh, well. I don't really care. But you, Kristen, sound as beautiful and crystal-bell-like as ever. I guess. Someone told me to say that. And it wasn't Rhiannon. In fact, she's not even going to read this letter... you're going to read it to her. Don't forget that other letter tonight. If you do, I'll have to kill you. And I really don't want to. I don't want to until Phil makes me, but I have permission to do so before that. If I fell it's necessary. I don't even have to clear it with him first. I'd rather wait for the perfect time to carry out my/our ingenious demise plan, but whatever happens happens. The scheme is SO perfect, though. People won't even know you're dead for about 48 hours. Longer if they can't find your body right away.
Strawberry Fields Forever. Yessir!
Rhiannon wrote that. I don't know why I let her, but I did. It's funny, you're sitting in your chair, playing your sax, and not even noticing me over here. Well, just so you know, I stole Rhiannon's heart, she just hasn't realized it's missing yet. But when she does, she'll come straight to me. Nothing can come between true love! Actually, I don't believe in the stuff. I gave Rhiannon chewable sleeping pills and told her they were Tylenol. So, if she acts kind of woozy, dizzy, or sleepy any time after five... ignore it - it wasn't my fault. I think I should go now. Class is almost over and I have to give this to Rhiannon to give to you. You know, I really miss ditching class to come here for the whole hour. Now I actually learn stuff. It sucks! Well, time to go. Bye!
Love Me Do,
Stalker: Texas Ranger
