No, Chris, Robert Palmer should NOT be my personal god.

Robert Palmer Conversation

Now, I suppose I ought to do a little explaining first. This whole thing started out as a contest to solve a riddle. The riddle, aka "my away message", was "There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies." Bill got the answer, which was "watermelon," but before that, there was a small amount of controversy. Chris' away message said that he had his two biggest finals the next day, and that he was sitting there listening to Robert Palmer songs. So we got into a conversation about Robert Palmer, at which point I added to my away message: "Prizes [for solving the riddle] do not include Robert Palmer." Chris said, basically, "What good is a prize if it doesn't involve Robert Palmer?" So, without further ado (is that the right word?), I give you: mine and Chris' conversation about Robert Palmer. NOTE: Chris' words will be in white, and mine will be in yellow. Chris isn't special enough to get yellow. Any special notes will be in some other color. Possibly aquamarine...

Me: well, unless you have a robert palmer to donate...
Chris: you should give away an autographed picture of robert palmer... autographed by chris schilling, that is
well, do you have one of those to donate?
maybe
i could print one off the internet i'm sure
you bring it over, and i'll see what i can do
bring it over now?
no, i'm not fully clothed right now
SPECIAL NOTE: SEE KWOTES PAGE. THAT WILL EXPLAIN WHY I WAS NOT WEARING PANTS.
good cause i didn't feel like bringing it over
yeah, i didn't think you really would
just offer the autographed picture of robert palmer autographed
by chris schilling as a part of the prize to generate some interest, and if anyone actually wins, i'll get you an autographed picture of robert palmer autographed by chris schilling
by the time someone gets it, i'll be home and you'll be home, and what do i do if you don't pull through for me, eh?
you can trust me i'll mail you a pic
i don't know that i'd give you my address. still not enough incentive. i could make my own robert palmer autographed picture, autographed by me pretending to be chris schilling
there you go now that sounds like a prize to me!
you're useless
An autographed picture of robert palmer autographed by someone pretending to be chris schilling
yeah
ha ha, that's funny
yeah, that's the first time i've ever actually laughed at you. my roommate is giving me funny looks
ha, it's good stuff. usually i don't find myself being funny with you just because it's tough to be funny on this thing
so what are you trying to say?
i wasn't really making sense out of that last part
that i'm funny when i want to be
just that once
yeah yeah, you're just trying not to feed my ego
no, i'm just telling you the truth. your ego seems to inflate itself no matter what
true true
but i'm also so negative on myself, right?
yeah, i don't understand it
i think you just are negative as a cover-up
yeah, it's all a cover up
a front, if you will
yeah
so are you going to bring me over an autographed picture of robert palmer autographed by chris schilling? because after i have it, then i can go ahead and offer it as a prize. but not until it's in my possession
no no no, you should offer an Autographed picture of Robert Palmer autographed by someone pretending to be Chris schilling
cause that's really complicated which makes it funnier
yeah, but i don't want to waste printer ink on a picture of robert palmer. how about an autographed picture of robert palmer autographed by someone pretending to be chris schilling, provided by chris schilling
well if i'm going to provide it, then i might as well autograph it
but what you just said sounds even more incredibly complicated
well then you go ahead and do that i could add a few more twists, if that kind of thing floats your boat
or pulls your tractor. i don't know what you country people say
how about an autographed picture of robert palmer autographed by someone who is pretending to be chris schilling, provided by the ball state university computer labs
yeah, but i don't really want to put the effort into printing out a picture of robert palmer
how about the empty promise of an autographed picture of robert palmer autographed by someone who is pretending to be chris schilling
i don't make empty promises
okay, make it an empty promise by me.
i think i'll just find my own prize to give out
the prize could be the empty promise by chris schilling that he would provide a picture of robert palmer autographed by someone pretending to be chris schilling
but thanks for the offer of the empty promise
yeah, that's funny, but i think it would be funnier if they really got the picture. but i'm unmotivated, and i dont' see any motivation suddenly occurring
i think you should offer the picture simply because we've put this much discussion into it
i don't either
ok then
i'm sure if anyone actually gets the riddle right, you could find the motivation to print it out then, right?
probably not
who says you have to print out the picture now?
well, i want to have the prize before i specify what it is. what if when someone gets the riddle, a robert palmer lawsuit is settled and every picture of him on the web is mysteriously removed?
there you go
although that would be a lie
you never know
that's true
so you can offer that picture as the prize
it could happen. which is why i won't offer the picture unless i already have it, and i would feel way too pathetic running a search on robert palmer
and i definitely don't feel like pretending to be you
oh like you have anything better to do
that's not the issue
how about a pretend picture of robert palmer autographed by someone pretending to be chris schilling
now you're just being silly
i think we've been silly all along
no, just you
yeah right
you too
i'm not the one with the unhealthy robert palmer obsession
i don't have an unhealthy obsession with robert palmer
i'm surprised that we could actually hold this conversation that long
just tonight i have had a thing for his songs
me too
that's got to be the longest conversation about robert palmer ever
or at least the longest converation about an autographed picture of robert palmer
yeah. we should call guiness
or if not even that, then at least the longest conversation about an autographed picture of robert palmer not autographed by rober palmer
and if not even that, then it has to be the longest conversation ever about an autographed picture of robert palmer not autographed by robert palmer but autographed by chris schilling
kristen says robert palmer is about as catchy as crack
and if not even that... if not even that, then it has definitely got to be the longest conversation ever about an autographed picture of robert palmer not autographed by robert palmer but autographed by someone pretending to be chris schilling
she asked if robert palmer writes his own stuff
tell kristen she can't deny "addicted to love" or simply irresistible
yes, i think he did write his own stuff
most of it anyway
i think i should devote a new page of my page simply to this conversation about robert palmer
that would probably be the first webpage devoted to a conversation about robert palmer
kristen says: I kan't deny their existance, but I KAN deny their goodness
yeah, i think i'm going to go ahead and do that
and i'm not even going to get into all the possibilities of what that could be the first webpage of if it isn't the first webpage about a conversation of robert palmer
the same possibilites as the conversation thing
:D oh, please do
she wants to argue with you about robert palmer
listen, i'm really not that big of a robert palmer fan, so i'm not going to argue about him with someone. if it was pearl jam, i would argue.
kristen says she likes pearl jam
good
they rock
how do you feel about being the middle-woman in a conversation about pearl jam?
no
no what?
sigh. look what you've done. now that i've copy/pasted what you were saying, my font is normal. and i can't close the window, because i have to save the conversation for my page. although, i did close it earlier, and i'm missing a lot of it
no i don't want to be the middle-woman
good, i like your normal font. i have the whole conversation
i could email it to you
i was just going to ask you if you could do that
can you send it to lert002@hotmail.com instead of my bsu one?
yeah, what's your email again?
thanks. you can be my best friend until after i have to go back to the flashcards, from jealousy
right right
and if you want to have a conversation about pearl jam, i can give you her screen name
that's all right
ok
the email is sent
people keep telling me what a loser i am for spending so much time talking about robert palmer
well, they're the losers if they can't appreciate robert palmer and his contribution to music
are you saying i'm NOT a loser? i think you might want to rephrase that last part so as not to be complimenting me
oh, right. you are a loser
right. so how does robert palmer fit into it?
i don't know
you'll have to contact robert palmer about that one
or as the spanish call him, roberto palmer
i didn't know robert palmer was also popular in other languages
he's probably more popular in other languages... you know, like david hasslehoff is super popular in germany
is he really?
david hasselhoff is ugly
yeah, norm macdonald always used to say on the weekend update on SNL... "germans love david hasslehoff"
that was his theory
oh, so you're just stealing other people's ideas now?
yes
what happened to originality
i threw it out the window along with the carpet, the paper airplanes, the baseball bat, and the orange cone
that's all? nothing new?
if i print out a picture of robert palmer for you, and autograph it, pretending to be you, then will you solve the riddle?
hmm... why would i do that?
i don't know the answer
lol. nevermind then.
okay
how about if you get the prize just for making a couple of guesses?
then will you try to solve it?
yes
why? you don't want any one else to win that prestigious prize?
i was just wondering
you think i'd really put that much effort into it just for you?
no
ok then. what's the issue here?
the issue is that millions of dolphins are dying every day in fisherman's nets
and how do you propose to fix this issue?
well, we've got dolphins at sea worlds, right? so let the fishermen do what they want and if all the dolphins are killed off, we'll clone 'em. that's the beauty of science
wow. you've thought about this before, haven't you?
that, or the dolphins are going to have to start fornicating a lot more. in which case, in order to give this dolphin fornication a boost, humans will need to start up a match-making service for dolphins
or more female dolphins are going to have to start whoring themselves out
i'd whore myself out, if it would help. but it wouldn't.
you're a human, not a dolphin.
that's what i'm saying
we don't need any freakish dolphin/human hybrids
or at least, not any dolphin/human hybrids where the dolphin is a hybrid with you
i didn't mean i would whore myself out to the dolphins
oh, that's good
like, if half the world fell into the ocean, and we needed more people, THEN i would whore myself out. to other humans. male humans.
but not you
have you ever thought of whoring yourself out to dolphins?
no
that's good
that's good that i wouldn't whore myself out to you? yeah, that's what i thought, too
right.
we wouldn't want your genes to get passed on
well, yes we would, but i wouldn't want my genes to be mingling with your genes, that's for sure
yeah, then we would have children who talked about nothing but robert palmer and whoring dolphins
are you going to fail your finals tomorrow because you spent so much time talking about robert palmer?
not if they ask questions about robert palmer!
yeah, i already kinda have that quote on my page
what quote?
i told stef about your away message, and she said maybe they were robert palmer finals
ha yeah
so i put that up there
cool
i can't believe what your simple away message has spawneed
or spawned
actually, this all goes back to a commercial which i recently saw and addicted to love was playing on that commercial... and i was singing it tonight, so idecided to download it
and then it took off from there
you were singing? that's a scary thought
i sing all the time
even scarier
now i'm going to have nightmares
good
me, robert palmer, and dolphins fornicating will fill your dreams tonight
probably not you. if i was going to dream about you i already would have... oh wait.... i already did. nevermind
that's right, all the girls dream about me
yeah, only they probably don't dream that you tell them not to go on carnival rides
you only had a cameo in my dream
yeah, they probably have lustful dreams of me ravashing them
you've only ever had a cameo in my dream
yeah, i don't think you'll be able to work your way up to that status
can i win an oscar dream award for that?
sure, right after you autograph a picture of robert palmer for me
okay
i'll make you a trophy and everything
really?
well, i will autograph you a picture of robert palmer then
it won't be a REAL trophy, but yeah. if you actually take the effort to give me an autographed picture or robert palmer, i'll make you an oscar dream award for best cameo trophy
cool
An Academia Award for Best Cameo Appearance in a Dream Sequence
however, you'll probably have to wait until next year for it, since i won't be seeing you again until then
yeah, one of thse
true ture
true
and i'll frame the picture and put it on my wall. no one else can win it, because it will be so dear to me
yeah right
hey, maybe i will
okay cool
that would be a cool thing to have
and then i'll take a picture of the framed picture of robert palmer autographed by chris schilling, and mail it to you
and i'll frame that
will you really?
sure
if you really do that
i'm really going to do it, now
cool
so when are you going to get me that picture of robert palmer?
tomorrow sometime
when do you leave?
not until saturday
okay cool, i'll get it to you tomorrow sometime then
ok. i have a final at noon and work 5-7 then 10-midnight. so somewhere in between there. and i'm working in stuwest, so sorry, i'm not especially convienient to you
oh well, i'll figure it out
ok
you have my number, in case i actually get offline for some reason?
i don't know, i'll figure it out
ok
i should probably go to sleep now. i feel bad for keeping you from studying for so long
don't worry, i blame robert palmer, not you
that's good. do you also blame robert palmer for the death of the dolphins?
no, unless he fishes using those nets
he might
i'll ask him next time i see him
you do that.
i will
good, now that that's all settled
talk to you later, nightnight
good ngiht

1