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Toys

Philosophy Subject: He who has the most toys still dies?

Capitalism

He who dies with the most toys, wins.

Hari Krishna

He who plays with the most toys, wins.

Catholicism

He who denies himself the most toys, wins.

Anglican

They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox

No, they were OURS first.

Atheism

There is no toy maker.

Polytheism

There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism

The toys made themselves.

Church of Christ Scientist

We are the toys.

Communism

Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling yours.

B'Hai

All toys are just fine with us.

Amish

Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism

The doll is as important as the dump truck.

Mormonism

Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo

Let me borrow that doll for a second.

Hinduism

He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.

7th Day Adventist

He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.

Southern Baptist

If your toy is a Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to Hell.

Jehovah's Witnesses

He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.

Pentecostalism

He whose toys can talk, wins.

Existentialism

Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Confucianism

Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.

Non-denominationalism

We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.

Agnosticism

It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.

Unitarian Universalism

We still haven't decided if the toys exist.

Presbyterianism

Those toys are mine because they were meant to be!

The Bra

A man walks into the woman's section of a department store and tells the sales clerk he wants to buy a bra for his wife.

"What type of bra?", asked the clerk. "Type?", inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"There are three types," replies the clerk, "the Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man ask, "What is the difference in them?"

The clerk responds, "It is really very easy. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen and the Baptist type makes mountain's out of mole hills.",

Athiest Holiday

An atheist complained to a friend... "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur, but we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."

His friend replied, "Why don't you celebrate April first?"

Actual Church Bulletins (Blunders)

* The 1991 Spring Council retreat will be hell May 10 & 11.

* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

* The ladies of the church have cast-off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

* Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

* The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Now Up Yours."

* A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* Irving Beltson and Jessie were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.

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