"FAITH AND HOW IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE"

IN HERE, I WILL SHARE WITH YOU MY TESTIMONY OF HOW JESUS THRU HIS UNWAVERING LOVE HAS BEEN WORKING IN MY LIFE

When I was a child, I was raised in the Mormon Church... This is all that I knew... and then my mom took me to A Seventh Day Adventist Church and for the first time I heard the teachings of the Bible and of God's love..

I did join the SDA Church and go their boarding school for about 2 years... Was such a happy time in my life... but I never truly got the meaning of what "living a life thru Christ was"

I do remember my mom, the way she approached her faith... not just on Sunday's or the Sabbath Day, but everyday of the week... She didn't go around praising the gospel and screaming bible versers, but it was a more queit way of her, that you knew she had a very personal relationship, day in and day out with the Lord..

Life never did seem to be easy for me nor my family.. even as a young child, life was just so hard... but somehow we all turned out okey!

I know that many of things that happen to me, were because of the wrong chioces that I made.... and looking back at it now.. I am amazed that I came thru it, without really having gotten in trouble... I just thought I was a strong person.. But I know now that God was there with me at all times... am not sure why he was, because I sure didn't live my life, the way he wanted me to, nor did I even give him thanks!

When my mom passed away about 23 years ago, this last March, I thought I wasn't going to make it... I never felt so alone in my life... I had terrible nightmares of my mom in her grave and just could not cope... I am not sure how my family survived it, as I had two young children at home, plus my husband, Gary.  The next three years did go by, with also the loss of my step dad, my sister, my brother and my grandma. I just kind of took a step back and let life pass me by..

When the divorce came and the custody fight over our son, Doug, I did start to go to a church, The Nazarene.  After many years of fighting over our son, I finally made the choice to give him up to his father. (My son Doug had some mental and physical problems and each fight would cause him to recess in his mental growth). Having to do this was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but the Pastor of the Church, helped my by having me put Doug's name on a piece of paper and placing it in a coffee can at the altar and lighting it on fire.. with the idea that I was not giving Dough up to Gary, but putting Doug into God's hands.. What a tru  power of strengh this was for me!

The divorce got uglier and uglier and even thou the Pastor was recommending that I keep fighting the divorce, I had had enough.. One day I was in church and got so angry at the church, the Pastor and God that I stormed out, but not before I blasted away at everything that I had ever been taught or believed.. I truly walked away from the Lord.... so I thought!

My life changed dramatically, I lost a lot of weight, started working as a bartender in a local restraunt/lounge.. For about 10 years I did nothing, but drink, party, smoke pot and just live as wild as I can.. In the meantime I had a daughter at home, Valerie, who pretty much raised herself..

There was many times when I didn't know where the rent money was going to come from and if there was going to be food on the table for her the next day... but somehow there always seem to be enough to make it thru.. I just thought it was luck!

My daughter ended up being a very good girl, with high morals, great grades and good friends & their parents, who were there for her. She was able to get scholorships for college and off she went! Again I thought it was just good Luck!

Then I met my now husband, Don and again my life changed.. Luck again?

Thru Don I was able to heal.. I was able to quit my job and stay home.. I became involved back in my daughter's life and also gained a relationship with my son, Doug.

Don, took me back home to where most of my family lived. I was so scared, that I got sick just a hour out of town.. I got to make peace with my Dad and I now know that he always loved me.. I also became close to the rest of my brothers and sisters..

About two years ago, a yearning in me began to develop.. I had become friends with several ladies who were christian's and would love to listen to the way they talked and how they lived thier lives..

A year ago last Easter, I accepted the Lord into my life... am not sure if I ever truly did this.... Such a wave of peace came over me!

I now know that it wasn't "luck" that got me thru things... it was the Lord... even thou I had walked away from him... he had not walked away from me... he was always there holding my hand and sometimes even holding me in his arms!

The pain is still there of losing my mom, but I also know that I someday will see her agian... and that she is also with me and my children!

God has blessed me further with two grandaughters, Kaylie and Kirsten.

One of the things that is just such a prove of God's love is:

He loved us so much that he had his son, Jesus, die on the cross for you and me, before we were even born... Now if that isn't love, I don't know what is!

I know that whatever happens in my life, that I will never be alone again... that I have a Father in Heaven who is looking out over me.. and is there, even when I forget to ask him!

I am so very Blessed!
Sammy

July 2000......

What a great and life changing year this has been.......  It still amazes me how God works in my life, daily.......  Last Feb., I went to a new doctor for my year physical and little did I know she was part of God's plan.... Without coming down on me for still smoking after 35 years, she recomended putting me on Zyban and just seeing how it workes. The Lord and I have been working on my smoking problem for a long time, but I just felt so weak and never really thought I could.. But I went ahead and took the Zyban, not really giving it much hope. 

See I thought, I again, was under control..... but NOPE, the Lord was again in control.... How very thankful I am... In about one month of taking Zyban, I had gone from 2 1/2 + packs a day to just under a pack.   The doctor and I decided to keep me on Zyban for another month and just "see" what happens.

In two weeks I was down to half a pack a day and as I walked out of her office that day, I told her the next time she saw me I would be smoke free!!!!!! Now that shocked me, as I had no intention of saying that..... but again it was the Lord who was in control....

As of April 1st, I have been smoke free!!!!!!!!  No, it hasn't been easy, but I do know that I  have never been alone! God gave me a hubby that was with me every step of the way.  There was times when I had to walk thru the night.... go to my knees in tears... drink more water then I had ever drank in my life......  But there was a strength in me, that I had never felt. 

Am I a better Christian because I don't smoke? NO..... But a better witness to God's amazing love for us.... YES!

I know that the devil worked so hard to have me fail and start smoking again, But God's almighty power was with me always!

"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU HIM"
Sister in Christ,
Sammy