Christmas Humor
The price of giving all the items in the song "The 12 Days of
Christmas" went up less than 2 percent in 1994, under the current annual
rate of inflation of 2.6 percent.
1 Partridge in a pear tree $35
Total to give gifts once: $15,944
Total to give as in song*: $73,345
*Singing the song in its entirety results in 364 presents: 12
partridges, 36 calling birds, 40 maids, etc.
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in,fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
You are Visitor number
2 Turtle doves 50
3 French hens 15
4 Calling birds 280
5 Gold rings 450
6 Geese-a-laying 150
7 Swans-a-swimming 7,000
8 Maids-a-milking 34
9 Pipers piping 2,607
10 Ladies dancing 3,013
11 Lords-a-leaping 1,109
12 Drummers drumming 1,201
Answer: Sandy Claws.
So he can ho-ho-ho.
Answer: Frostbite.
Because he had low elf esteem.
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Answer: Claustrophobic.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
to stop by.
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