The film begins. Out of a dense fog trots Arthur, accompanied on two empty coconut halves by his trusty servant, Patsy. They approach a castle. Suddenly a guard appears atop a high rampart.
Guard: Halt! Who goes there?
Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
Guard: Pull the other one?
Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
Guard: What, ridden on a horse?
Arthur: Yes.
Guard: You're using coconuts!
Arthur: What?
Guard: You've got two empty 'alves of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em together!
Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. Through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts?
Arthur: (somewhat taken aback) We found them.
Guard: Found them? In Mercia? The coconuts tropical!
Arthur: What do you mean?
Guard: This is a temperate zone!
Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house maarten or the plummer may seek warmer climates in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land!
Guard: Are you suggesting tht coconuts migrate?
Arthur: Not at all! They could be carried.
Guard: (incredulous) What, a swallow, carrying a coconut?
Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!
Guard: It's not a question of where 'e grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could *not* carry a one-pound coconut!
Arthur: (exasperated)
Well it doesn't matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of Camelot is here!
(pause)
Guard: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
Arthur: Please!
Guard: (impatiently) Am I right.
Arthur: I'm not interested!
(a second guard appears on the rampart.)
G2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
G1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.
G2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
Arthur: (extremely exasperated) Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot!!
(pause)
G1: But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.
G2: Oh yeah...
(Arthur and Patsy give up and trot away)
G1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
G2: Wait a minute! Supposing *two* swallows carried it together!
G1: Nooo.....They'd have to have it on a line...
G2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
G1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
G2: Well, why not?