Welcome to All Things Scottish. Our slogan is ‘if it’s not Scottish, it’s CRAP!’
    -Mike Myers (Saturday Night Live)

Woman gets lonely… sometimes she can’t wait around for her man to get reincarnated.
    -Scully (The X-Files)

I want to be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights.
 -John Bender (The Breakfast Club)

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
    -Bill Cosby

People that think logically are a nice contrast to the real world.
    -Matt Biershbach

Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men’s store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee.
    -from Twin Peaks

He’s got a client who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times, can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don’t you think?
    -from The Birds

Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up.
    -from Pump Up The Volume

This is where you pucker-up and kiss my ass.
    -Skinner (The X-Files)

You sit around watching all this stuff happen on TV… and the TV sits and watches us do nothing. The TV must think we’re all pretty lame.
    -Shannon Wheeler

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably and injured one.
    -Glenn Beck

Humor! I love it! Whee!
    -Data

“You’re wrong” means “I don’t understand you” – I’m not seeing what you’re seeing. But there is nothing wrong with you, you are simply not me and that’s not wrong.
    -Hugh Prather

I want you to be able to say anything. Even what you don’t mean.
    -Hugh Prather

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
    -Bertrand Russel

Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!
    -from GhostBusters

There’s only one opinion that counts. It’s your opinion. It may be wrong, but it’s yours and that’s the one that counts.
    -Filipe Alou

You can’t think of risks. I have nothing to lose. You either make something you like, or don’t, and you throw it to the universe.
    -Mike Myers

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
    -Susan Ertz

You non-conformists are all alike.
    -from Deadlock

Hey how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we’ll all get up; it’ll be anarchy!
    -John Bender (The Breakfast Club)

People ignore the strange and unusual. I myself am strange and unusual.
    -Lydia (BeetleJuice)

You’re watching Fox… Shame on you.
    -from The Critic

Nothing happens in contradiction to nature. Only in contradiction to what we know of it.
    -Scully (The X-Files)

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
    -Mark Twain

Men occasionally stumble on truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
    -Sir Winston Churchill

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
    -Lilly Tomlin

As trivial as it sounds… depression sucks.
    -Sanjay Singh

Sin in geographical.
    -Betrand Russell

I wanted a perfect ending… Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
    -Gilda Radner

I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged.) Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.
    -Jules Feiffer, 1965

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
    -Barry Switzer

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
    -August Strindberg

People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better press than people who are just funny and smart.
    -Howard Simons (The Washington Post)

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.
    -Will Rogers

Congress, our leaders, voted against a proposal to have a national seven day waiting period to buy a gun. I don’t want to sound like a Quaker, but when you think about it, is a week a long time to wait? To see if a former mental patient is qualified to own an uzi? Come on, will ya Congress? It takes three weeks to get a phone!
    -Jimmy Tingle

My teenage angst bullshit has a body count.
    -Veronica (Heathers)

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
    -Dave Barry

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
    -George Carlin

Demons today are a shoddy lot.
    -James Herbert

Maybe the people who are the coldest on the outside are the ones that no one bothers to look deeper at.
    -Sanjay Singh

I feel like the Dukes of Hazzard… Well, not both of them.
    -Chris Hopkins

Where’s that god damn banana anyway?
    -Reagan Courtney

Does it look like I have time for strippers? I’m playing freakin’ monopoly here!
    -Tommy (Third Rock from the Sun)

There’s no justice like angry mob justice.
    -Principal Skinner (The Simpsons)

Rotting in hell would be more fun than this.
    -Lisa Clark

Once you get to know some people they just stop being attractive.
    -Rachel Hammel

I wish I could be a teacher just so I could be a fuck-head.
    -Sonya Pitts

I’m a well-wisher, in that I don’t wish you any specific harm.
    -Moe (The Simpsons)

Never have I been so embarrassed in my entire life, and that is saying something after living with my mother for eighteen years.
    -Saffron (Absolutely Fabulous)

Oh yuck, meatloaf; my most hated of all loafs.
    -Bart (The Simpsons)

I don’t slur my words; I mumble.
    -Brody (Homicide: Life on the Streets)

Don’t you love putting your whole face in a big glass of milk?
    -Natalie Jameson

I don’t like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing there are too many fat children.
    -Monty Burns (The Simpsons)

There are so many different ways to be connected to people. There are people you feel this unspoken connection to, even though there’s not even a word for it. There’s the people who you’ve known forever who know you in this way that other people can't because they’ve seen you change; they’ve let you change.
    -Angela Chase (My So-Called Life)

My life is different people kicking me out of different rooms.
    -Danielle Chase (My So-Called Life)

Like our ancestors, we live on the razor’s edge of time, poised between the known and the possible, hoping to discover in ourselves and in our past some small clue as to what awaits us.
    -Unknown, Microsoft Encarta

Sometimes it seems like we’re all living in some kind of prison, and the crime is how much we all hate ourselves. It’s good to get really dressed up once in a while and admit the truth; that when you really look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful. Possibly even me.
    -Angela Chase (My So-Called Life)

Vice, virtue, it’s best not to me too moral; you cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality.
    -Maude (Harold and Maude)

I think it’s sad that you can get like, a million albums sold for whining about your life.
    -Brett Thompson, on Alanis

You’ll never know if you can win until you know you’ve tried your best… and then it doesn’t matter if you’ve won or not because you will have improved, and that is winning for yourself.
    -Carolyn Meroniuk

You’re scary Karla.
    -Mrs. Harvey

Wisdom is ofttimes nearer when we stoop than when we soar.
    -William Wordsworth

Everything I ever learned about the Bible I saw on The Learning Channel.
    -Terra Colwell

I almost hate myself, but I’m too happy.
    -Andrea Peebles

The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.
    -Marcus Aurelius

It’s better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late.
    -Marilyn Moats Kennedy

Don’t it make you sad to know that life is more than who you are.
    -GooGoo Dolls

We may break the rules but we don’t break the law.
    -Robbie Robertson

Excuse me if I have a place in my mind where I go time to time.
    -Tom Petty

A man is just a woman’s strategy for making another woman.
    -Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid’s Tale)

Sometimes I don’t have the words to say what I mean, but perhaps if I drink a little more, I can try to dance it for you.
    -Woody Allen (Shadows and Fog)

I don’t want to depend on you to think for me. What it you go somewhere?
    -Andrea Peebles

Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the ass to make you do it.
    -Henry Miller

Everyone I know has gone away, died or left or just forgot to stay. Sometimes took for granted, sometimes turned away, sometimes didn’t say what I meant to say.
    -Garbage “Dog New Tricks”

AM’s country, FM’s shit.
    -Danika Barker

To others we are not ourselves but a performer in their lives, cast for a part we do not even know we are playing.
    -Elizabeth Bibesco

The self is not something one finds, it is something that one creates.
    -Thomas Szasz

Whoever I decide to be depends on who is with me.
    -Pet Shop Boys  “Too Many People”

Happiness is not in our circumstance but in ourselves. It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire. Happiness is something we are.
    -John B. Sheerin

I’m just sexually disturbed.
    -Jessica Forster

The best things in life aren’t things.
    -Art Buchwald

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.
    -Aristotle

The deepest personal defeat suffered by human beings is constituted by the difference between what one was capable of becoming and what one has in fact become.
    -Ashley Montagu
 
You are all the Buddha.
    -Last words of Buddha

Minds are for people who think.
  -Madman Murdoch

What a wonderful day we've had.  You have learned something and, I have learned something.  Too bad we didn't learn it sooner.  We could have gone to the movies instead.
    -Balki Bartokomous  --'Perfect Strangers'

Maybe it was mean, but I really don't think so.  You asked for the truth, and I told you.
   -Sinead O'Connor-'The Emperor's New Clothes'

I can't be the antichrist, I'm wearing a loony-toons shirt!
      -Jesse Park

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
  -Samuel Clemens    -New York Tribune, 27 September 1871.

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
    Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, Good Omens

I like children. Properly cooked.
     -W.C. Fields

Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it.
     -Charles Caleb Colton --'The Lacon'

I think I've given up on the human race.
     -Terra Colwell

Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know men.
      -Confucious --'Analects'

There's enough smart people in the world; we need more better looking people.
      -Jaime Curtis

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
      -Lilly Tomlin

I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock.
      -Grandpa Simpson

Every man alone is sincere.  At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins.
      -Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Friendship."

The whole point of school is to meet boys.
     -Terra Colwell

Life is a festival only to the wise.
  -Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I'm not an idiot; maybe an emotional wreck, but I'm not an idiot!
     -Andrea Peebles

Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
  -Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist

Nothing wrong with being shallow, as long as you're insightful about it.
     -Dennis Miller

Be not afraid of life.  Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help you create the fact.
     -William James, The Will to Believe, 1897.

An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.
  -Victor Hugo, Ninety-three, 1874.

Ignorance is not bliss--it is oblivion.
  -Philip Wylie, Generation of Vipers, 1942.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger
   -Mark Twain

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes).
  -Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, 1892.

I have the pasties so bad I can't concentrate!
   -Keri-Sue Rowley

Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.
  -George Santayana, Little Essays, 1920.

What if your great uncle was a real jerk; would you really want to call him great?
   -Mat Oakes

Two things fill my mind with ever-increasing wonder and awe: the starry skies above me and the moral law within me.
    -Immanuel Kant, Critique of Practical Reason, 1788.

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you make them really think, they'll hate you.
    -Unknown

I can promise to be frank, I cannot promise to be impartial.
  -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Essays: Second Series, 1844.

We're all bozos on this bus.
    -Blossom

Opinions cannot survive if one has no chance to fight for them.
    -Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought.
    -Bertrand Russell, Skeptical Essays

It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.
                                - Sally Kempton

One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
                                   - Friedrich Nietzsche

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
        -A. Einstein

You're a strange animal, that's what I know.
    -Gowan

We're here for a good time, not a long time. So have a good time, the sun can't rise everyday.
    -Trooper

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
    -Winston Churchill

This is a really bad time to be alive.
    -Janice Danahy

Things need not to have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow – truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot.
    -Neil Gaiman

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
    -Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
    -Albert Einstein

"Adversity is the first path to Truth."
    -Lord Byron

Either the wallpaper goes, or I do.
    -Oscar Wilde, last words

Well what is the answer? But what, then, is the question?
    -Gertrude Stein, last words

Don't let it end like this, tell them I said something.
    -General Poncho Villa, last words

"Truth has no special time of its own.  Its hour is now -- always."
       - Albert Schweitzer

I know a lot of people without brains who do an awful lot of talking.
    -The Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz

Don't believe all that symbolism crap they try to teach you because it's not there.
    -Scott Hilgendorff

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.  But the
opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
                                         - Niels Bohr

You shouldn't interrupt my interruptions, that's really worse than interrupting.
    -T. S. Eliot

People who think honestly and deeply have a hostile attitude
towards the public.
     -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It's got dogs in it, so it's good.
    -Mr. Ciavaglia

Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had
acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now.
                    -- Victor Frankl

If we keep doing what we're doing, we're going to keep getting what we're getting.
    -Stephen Covey

... when you have eliminated the impossible, that which remains,
however improbable, must be the truth.
                    -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign Of Four

No! You're not doing anything with the weedeater to my body!
    -Kevin Hegge

Haggis is a chic-magnet.
    -Natalie Jameson

No man is an Island, entire of it self; every man is a piece of the Continent,
a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.
                    -- John Donne, Meditation XVII
 

A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.
    -Thomas Carruthers

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow.  He could be plotting something.
                                                  -- Hagar the Horrible

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.
     -Rebecca West

Knowledge is a deadly friend when no one sets the rules.
The fate of all mankind, I see, is in the hands of fools.
                     --King Crimson

Even in the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin
       -- k.d.lang, _Constant Craving"
 
Reality is that which refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.
                                                        Phillip K. Dick

The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.
                --Alexander Jablokov, "The Place of No Shadows"

Not many people know that I'm God.
     -Heather Smale

Life can only be understood backward,
but it must be lived forward.
         -- Kierkegaard

 "Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a fool
 from any side"
  -Yiddish proverb

 "Lord, where we are wrong, make us willing to change; where we are right,
 make us easy to live with."
  -Rev. Peter Marshall

 "No one beneath you can offend you.  No one your equal would."
   -Jan L. Wells

The clinching proof of my reasoning is that I will cut anyone who argues further into dogmeat.
   -Sir Geoffery de Tourneville

 "The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home."
   --Confusius

This taught me a lesson, but I'm not quite sure what it is.
   -John MacEnroe

 "He who is not busy being born is busy dying."
   --Bob Dylan

Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways?
            -- Larry Anderson

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
          -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

In the long run, we are all dead.
          -- John Maynard Keynes

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any good,
you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
  -Howard Aiken

Karma can go to hell!
  -Andrea Peebles

There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
  -Arthur C. Clarke

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
        1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
        2) Advising the President.
        3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
  -David Letterman

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't
cross the street to vote in a national election.
     -Bill Vaughan

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because you're bitter and misguided.
     -Bob Sagat

In the beginning, I was made.  I didn't ask to be made.  But if it brought
some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.
 -Marvin, in ”The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,” by Douglas Adams

There's so much comedy on television, does that cause comedy in the streets?
     -Dick Cavett

I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of
being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being
sick and tired.  I'm certainly not!  But I'm sick and tired of being told that
I am!
 -Monty Python

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
     -Confucius

I have good ideas, they just don't work.
    -Mat Oakes

The last Christian died on the cross.
             -Nietzsche

Cheese doesn't make crunchy sounds.
   -Cam Luu

We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.
                              - John Locke (1632-1704)

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
                      -- Albert Einstein

I've always wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific.
    -Lily Tomlin

"In a mad world only the mad are sane."
  - Akira Kurosawa

Language exists to conceal true thought.
  - Tallyrand

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
  - Goethe

An ordinary man can...surround himself with two thousand books...and thenceforward have at least one place in the world in which it is possible to be happy.
  -Augustine Birrell

I am part of all I have read.
 -John Kieran

When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes.
    --Desiderius Erasmus

The man who does not read good books is at no advantage over the man that can't read them.
       -Mark Twain

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
                                       -Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.
                        -- Bertrand Russell

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
                        -- Dave Letterman

A mind forever voyaging through strange seas of thought, alone.
                        -- William Wordsworth

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
  -Steve Wright

Know thyself, presume not God to scan; The proper study of mankind is man.
      -- Alexander Pope

Pardon me, but there is a multilegged creature on your shoulder.
   -Spock

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and
 the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics
 and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to
 find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a
 healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know
 even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to
 have succeeded."
  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It takes a lot of time being a genius -- you have to sit around so much doing nothing."
               -- Gertrude Stein

"God asks no man whether he will accept life.  That is not the choice.  One must take it.  The only choice is how."
 - Henry Ward Beecher

"The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter."
        -- Mandie Ellingson

"No wise man ever wished to be younger."
  - Jonathan Swift

You will never find time for anything.  If you want time you must make it.
       - Charles Buxton

"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all."
    -Rita Mae Brown, Venus Envy

What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity.  In the end there are no certain answers.
                               -- Marina Horner

It feels like we're being pecked to death by ducks.
   -Captain Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)

Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the slave of your model.
          -Vincent van Gogh

        If God can create a stone too heavy for Him to lift, there is
        something He cannot do; and if He cannot create a stone too heavy
        for him to lift, there is something He cannot create.  If there's
        something God cannot do He is not omnipotent, and if there's
        something He cannot create He is not omnipotent.  Therefore God is
        not omnipotent.
                --Elementary Symbolic Logic, 2nd Ed. Gustason & Ulrich

   I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little death that
   brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pass
   over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner
   eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
   Only I will remain.
                                   -- Frank Herbert (Dune)

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
                           -- Paula Poundstone

"No hand for me, abandon me,
 Wash over me, watch over me, drowned forever,
 Alone and crying, and a thousand miles astray,
 I turned my face to God, but his face was turned away."
              - Motorhead: Lost In The Ozone

 He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a  monster.  And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
                - Friedrich Nietzsche

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.
                - Woody Allen, on the KKK

Here the ways of men part: if you wish to strive for peace of soul and pleasure, then believe; if you wish to be a devotee of truth, then inquire.
              -- Friedrich Nietzsche

The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.
                - Friedrich Nietzsche

 Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual.
                - Friedrich Nietzsche

"If I ever meet myself," said Zaphod, "I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me."
                     -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, there you long to return.
                       - Leonardo da Vinci

I hope you can enjoy the victory with one friggin eye!
   -from The Mask

Bigotry tries to keep truth in its hand
With a grip that kills it
  - Rabindranath Tagore

You see, I don't believe that libraries should be drab places where people
sit in silence, and that's been the main reason for our policy of employing
wild animals as librarians.
                                                  - Monty Python

        "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
        "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here.
        I'm mad, you're mad."
        "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
        "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
                        -Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland

"Lately, I can't even look at my mother without  wanting to stab her - repeatedly."
     -Angela, "my so-called life"

"My parents keep asking me how school was.  it's like  saying 'how was that drive-by shooting?'  you don't  care how it was, you're lucky to get out alive."
     -Angela, "my so-called life"

"this life has been a test.  if this had been an  actual life, you would have received instructions  on where to go and what to do."
     -Angela, "my so-called life"

"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
                              --Joe Walsh, "Life's Been Good"

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
                              --Unknown

"If you like it, I did it. If you don't, bite me."
                              --Brian Florip

"The two most common elements in the  universe are hydrogen and stupidity."
                              --Unknown

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait...not me, you."
                              --Jack Handey

"Don't ask me what I think of you--
 I might not give the answer that you want me to"
                              --Fleetwood Mac, "Oh, Well"

"It's just gonna be Salad-Fest."
                              --Jeremy Dabrowiak

"Think of how dumb the average person is.
 Half of everyone is dumber than that!"
                                  --Unknown

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
   -Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
   -Albert Einstein

Fate sucks, I swear.
   -from Drugstore Cowboy

I think, therefore I am.
   -Rene Descartes

Oh my god, I'm so cheesey. I'm one of those people I hate!
   -Terra Colwell

Discovery is seeing what everybody else has seen, and thinking what nobody else has thought.
   -Albert Szent-Gyorgi

I don't give a shit if you're dying; you're not having no cheese-strings!
   -Denise Jameson

When it comes to geography, I'm a meathead.
    -Roni Brown

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
   -John VII

I know a lot of people without brains who do an awful lot of talking.
   -The Scarecrow, Wizard of Oz

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
   -G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)

If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for who we really are.
   -Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek

I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
   -Q, Star Trek

Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough.
   -Arthur Freed

"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to."
                                        -unknown

"I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun - not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
                                        -C.S. Lewis

"You are what you are - and not what people think you are."
                                        -O.W. Polen

The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where started and know the place for the first time.
     -T.S. Eliot

What do you use for birth control? Your personality?
     -Richard Belzer

Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind.
  -T.S. Eliot

And these children, that you spit on,
as they try to change their worlds,
are immune to your consultations,
they're quite aware, of what they're going through.
  -David Bowie

There is zero, and there is eternity, and there is mortality, but there is no ultimate.
     -Stephen King

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
     -Hunter S. Thompson

A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.
     -Ralph Waldo Emmerson

I'm not desperate. I'm just really really needy.
     -Jessica Forster

I'm not a bad guy. I'm just like everybody else.
     -Sonny Liston

We say that cats are playful creatures, perhaps they say the same about us.
     -Adolf Hitler

Time is fun when you're having flies.
     -Kermit the Frog

The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.
     -Mark Van Doren

The issue isn't whether you're paranoid. It's whether you're paranoid enough.
     -from Strange Days

Unless we are willing to help a person overcome his faults, there is little value in pointing them out.
     -Robert J. Hastings

I will try to be happy under all circumstances. I will make up to be happy within myself right now where I am today.
     -Paramahansa Yogananda

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
    -William Clayton

Success is a journey, not a destination.
     -Ben Sweetland

If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we put metal in a microwave!
     -Fraiser Crane (Cheers)

To be agreeable when we disagree is a goal most of us have to keep working at.
     -Eugene P. Bertin

I wont prosecute you if you rip off my work and rip out my heart.
     -Kevin Parrott

If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
     -Julia Soorel

I once complained to my father that I didn't seem to be able to do things the same way other people did. Dad's advice? "Margo, don't be a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep."
     -Margo Kaufmann

How are you holding up during the lithium shortage?
     -David Letterman

You are
What you do
When it counts
 -The Masao

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they, too, have their story...
     -Max Erhmann

They can because they think they can.
     -Vergil

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive.
     -Sir Walter Scott

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
     -Alfred, Lord Tennyson

That inward eye
which is the bliss of solitude.
  -William Wordsworth

There is pleasure in poetic pains
Which only poets know.
  -William Cowper

God uses the good ones, and the bad ones use God.
     -Joseph Herity

It is better to aim at perfection and miss, than to aim at imperfection and hit it.
     -T.J. Watson, Sr.

There are other worlds. This one is done with me.
     -Merlin (Nicol Williamson) Excalibur

You don't learn less and less. You learn more and more. Hence you should not call them lessons, but rather morons.
     -Lewis Carroll

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of travelling.
                       - M.L. Runbeck

Be happy. It is a way of being wise.
     -Colette

Books, books, that's the secret of my success; books.
     -Bookworm  (Batman)

It is not failure by itself that is psychologically damaging, but failure screened through the irrational belief that we must excel at everything.
     -Carolyn Meroniuk

It is not rejection by itself that causes depression, but rejection filtered through the irrational belief that we must be loved by everyone.
     -Carolyn Meroniuk

Think, think, think...
   -Pooh

Don't think, don't think, don't think...
   -Terra Colwell

The happiest person is the person who thinks the most interesting thoughts.
     -Timothy Dwight

I care not whether a man is Good or Evil; all that I care
Is whether he is a Wise Man or a Fool. Go!
put off Holiness
and put on Intellect.
  -William Blake

If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.
    -from Heathers

Of all the radio stations in Chicago, we're one of them.
    -Classic Rock 105.9 radio station slogan

The 105.3 million dollar guarantee: Give us a million dollars, and we'll play any song you like.
    -105.3 radio station slogan

I wasn't kidding, I do have a test today. It's on European socialism. What's the big deal? I'm not European. I don't plan on becoming European. Why should I care if they're socialists? They could be fascist, anarchist pigs. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a car.
    -Ferris Bueller (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
    -from A Bit of Fry and Laurie

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
    -A. Whitney Brown

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
    -Emo Phillips

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?" Then a voice answers, "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."
    -Charlie Brown

Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic it has to be us.
    -Jerry Garcia

Now it's time to get from the ridiculous to the sublime...
    -CBC Radio

Every day is April Fool’s.
    -Karla Jameson