I gave my life to the Lord when I was 14. It was strange,
because this girl that I didn’t like, who sat next to me
in Science class, asked me to come to a youth group function.
I went. I was unhappy as a teenager. I did all that I could
to act out my hurts, frustration, and anger in unhealthy
ways. I was involved in drugs, alcohol and participated
in anything that would bring attention to me. Of course,
the most attention that a teenage girl likes is that from
a man. I sought unhealthy attention from men, and got involved
in sexual relationships at a young age. I never knew what
a woman should act like. I was raised by my father, and
the womanhood that mothers teach their daughters, was left
up to my neighborhood friends to teach. I learned from kids
and parents that didn’t understand how much God loved them.
I didn’t understand it either. After the youth group lock-in
I attended, I started to go to Church with Angela and her
family on a regular basis. After about 3 months, I gave
my life to the Lord, on December 11, 1990. Of course, my
life wasn’t a "bed of roses" after that. I dealt with anger,
bitterness, rejection, and just plain hurt for awhile.
I didn’t think that my family was too cool. I was totally
rejecting my mother for rejecting me. My step-mom and I
didn’t get along, and my parents made me financially independent
at 16. The one thing that God gave me, that gained a healthy
focus in my life was athletics. I was a three sport athlete
in high school and got a scholarship to play volleyball
in college. Athletics really helped me focus on healthy behaviors.
I am amazed at the people that God put in my life. When
all seemed to be failing at home, God would send a family
or person, to teach me God’s love. He placed healthy people
in my life, and positive role models, to take me by the
hand and say, "You can do it." I have remained faithful
to the Church since I’ve been saved. I became a member.
I got baptised. I got filled with the Holy Spirit. I was
a children’s worker. I went to all the Church events, but
I still had problems and issues. I learned all about faith,
healing, forgiveness, prosperity, praise, sewing and reaping,
etc. The one thing I didn’t know until about a year and
a half ago, was that I can choose to walk in the Spirit
and the fullness of God’s love. God has given me all that
I will ever need. I have it. I just didn’t know that I didn’t
have to try to work it up, or have enough faith. When you
give your life to the Lord, there is no where in the Bible
that says, "and your life will be perfect." For awhile I
felt like I wasn’t measuring up, I wasn’t doing something
right, or I wouldn’t have problems. Being a Christian, I
didn’t think I was supposed to have problems. God is not
surprised by our problems. He is still in control. He knows
our emotions and our feelings before we can feel them.
Why not tell Him about them??? It isn’t wrong to admit you’re
having a bad day, and it for sure doesn’t mean that your
faith isn’t strong. It’s a sign of strength to admit the
truth. Of course, with all I experienced as a child, there
was a lot of guilt involved. How could God love me? How could
He use someone with such a past? I went to counseling for
years, I read all the self-help books. I mean, if you were
to look at me, you would think I was a strong Christian,
but I didn’t understand the love of God yet. On March 18,
1998, we had a man from Chicago at our Church. He gave his
testimony on how God’s love changed his life. He was a pastor
of a Church, and didn’t know the love of God, till God touched
his life. At that moment God spoke to my heart. It was incredible.
He said this to me, and I haven’t been the same since.
Listening to people is comfortable BUT, I am the One who
changes hearts, I am the One who can heal your heart. It
won’t take 12 weeks, but ONE spoken (rhema) Word from God,
and you will be changed, receive it. God had been ministering
His love to me in many ways during this time. There were
numerous situations that happened in my life. Our pastor
was teaching on walking in the spirit, and God’s love.
I learned and understood, for the first time, that there
is nothing that I can ever do or not do, to change God’s
love for me. He is love. He is gracious, and merciful,
and that spoke Word from God did change me. I finally understood
that He is the One. He is all that I need, He is all that
I want. He is my all in all. Surprisingly enough, we can’t
do God. We can’t go to Church to be better people, we can’t
sing in the choir to be a better person. We can’t "DO"
anything, because He see’s us as blameless in His sight,
pure, holy, righteous. Currently, God is teaching me daily.
I have a daily relationship with Him. I am learning to walk
in the Spirit on a higher level. The revelation of God’s
love has changed my life. I am not the same. My past is
like someone else’s story to me. God has nullified what
the enemy would have taken for bad, and has allowed me to
minister to others. (1 Cor 1:27-28). He is so cool.and so
fun. I love Jesus!!!!
