Shit Happens!
Last Updated: March 10,1996
Exciting News Ways in Which Shit Can Happen:
- Taoism
- Shit happens.
- If you can shit, it isn't shit.
- Shit happens, so flow with it.
- Hare Krishna
- Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
- She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
- she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
- Please this flower and buy our shit.
- Confucianism
- Confucious say, "Shit happens".
- Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."
- Buddhism
- If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
- If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
- Shit will happen again to you next time.
- Zen
- What is the sound of shit happening?
- 7th Day Adventism
- Shit happens on Saturdays.
- Hinduism
- I've seen this shit before.
- This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
- This shit happening IS you.
- Protestantism
- If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
- If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
- Calvinism
- Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
- Episcopalianism
- If shit happens, hold a procession.
- Lutheranism
- Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
- Anglicanism
- It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
- Catholicism
- If shit happens, you deserved it.
- You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
- Charismatic Catholicism
- Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
- Judaism
- Why does shit always happen to US?
- Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
- Reform Judaism
- Got any laxatives?
- Islam
- If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
- If shit happens, take a hostage.
- We don't take any shit.
- Nation of Islam
- Don't take no shit!
- New Age
- That's not shit, it's feldspar.
- A firm shit does not happen to me.
- This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
- I create my own shit.
- If shit happens, honor it and share it.
- Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
- Were all part of the same shit.
- For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.
- Wicca
- If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
- The Goddess makes shit happen.
- Jehovah's Witnesses
- No shit happens until Armaggedon.
- There is only a limited amount of good shit.
- Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
- Here, we insist you take our shit.
- Shit happens door to door.
- Secular Humanism
- Shit evolves.
- Darwinism
- Survival of the shittiest.
- Christian Science
- When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
- Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
- Our shit will take care of itself.
- Shit in in your mind.
- Atheism
- I don't believe this shit.
- It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
- Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
- No shit!
- Religion from an Atheist's point of view
- I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.
- Agnosticism
- It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
- What is this shit?!
- How can we KNOW if shit happens?
- You can't prove any of this shit
- Rastafarianism
- Let's smoke this shit!
- Hey, this is good shit, mon.
- Mormonism
- If shit happens, shun it.
- Excrement happens (you can't say shit in Utah)
- Hey, there's more shit over here!
- Our shit is better than your shit.
- Shit happens again & again & again ...
- Energizer Bunny
- Shit happens and keeps going and going and going and...
- Baptist
- You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
- We'll wash the shit right off you.
- Southern Baptist
- Shit will happen. Praise the lord.
- Iraqi Baathist
- Oh shit!
- Voodoo
- Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
- Let's stick some pins in this shit!
- This shit's gonna get you
- Televangelism
- Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
- Unitarianism
- What is this Shit?
- We affirm the right for shit to happen.
- Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
- It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
- Orthodox
- St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
- Greek Orthodox
- Shit happens, usually in three's.
- EST
- I am at cause that shit will not happen.
- You're responsible for all the shit that happens.
- Fundamentalism
- There's no shit in the Bible.
- Shit happens, but don't publish it.
- Twelve Step
- Shit happens one day at a time.
- Amish
- Shit is good for the soil.
- This modern shit is worthless.
- Shintoism
- You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
- Moonies
- Only happy shit really happens.
- Stoicism
- This shit is good for me.
- Zoroastrianism
- Shit happens half the time.
- Bahaism
- Why do you keep shitting on us?
- Mysticism
- This is really weird shit.
- Paganism
- Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
- Rajhneesh
- Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
- Rosicrucianism
- What is this AMORC shit?
- Satanism
- We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
- We will make your shit happen.
- Witchcraft
- Mix this shit together and it will happen
- Scientology
- All this happens to be shit.
- If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
- Shamanism
- Whoaa...Holy Shit!
- Sikhism
- Leave our shit alone
- Sureshism
- You are all pieces of shit.
- Dianetics
- "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)
- Yuppie Shit
- It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?
- An Employer
- Shit happens, and rolls down hill.
- An Employee
- I've done my shit, so can I take the day off?
- This shit's not part of my contract.
- Environmentalism
- Shit is biodegradable.
- Heisenbergism
- Shit happened, we just don't know where.
- Quantum Shittydynamics
- Shit happens only in well-defined quantities.
- Einsteinism
- Shit is Relative.
- Reaction to Seeing your Mother-in-law
- Relatives are Shit.
- Washington
- I cannot tell a lie--shit happened.
- Lincoln
- Four score and seven shits ago...
- Nixon
- Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know anything about it.
- Reagan
- Well, I do believe that shit happened. I was just taking a nap.
- Quayle
- Whye doe peopl treate mee lik shite?
- Clinton
- I didn't inhale this shit.
- I tried this shit before and I didn't like it so....
- Bush
- Read my lips: no more shit!
- Wouldn't be prudent to shit at this juncture.
- This looks like foreign shit. Let Baker handle it.
- Perot
- I'm sorry if I dropped you guys in this piece of shit.
- McCarthyism
- Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?
- Martin Luther King
- Black shit and white shit CAN coexist...
- Julius Caesar
- I came, I saw, I shitted. (Veni, Vidi, Shitty)
- John Paul Jones
- I have not yet begun to shit.
- James Tiberius Kirk
- ... to boldly shit where no one has shit before!
- Computer Science
- There's a bug somewhere in this shitttttttttttttttttttttttttt
- Macintosh
- (Enough said)
- UNIX/C
- A core dump... Shit!
- IBM/DOS
- It's shit, but at least it's compatible.
- Communism
- It's everybody's shit.
- Marxism
- The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep down all shit is alike.
- Dictatorship of the shit.
- Capitalism
- Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
- If you're gonna sell that shit, at least make a profit.
- Cannibalism
- Don't eat the shit.
- Vegetarianism
- If it happens to shit, don't eat it.
- Hedonism
- There's nothing quite like a good shit.
- Stoicism
- This shit is good for me.
- Existentialism
- Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
- Shit happening is absurd.
- Realism
- I think I need to take a shit.
- Denialism
- What shit?
- Purists
- If shit has to happen, let ONLY shit happen.
- Procrastinationism
- I'll take care of this shit ... tomorrow.
- Avoidanceism
- With all this happening, I think I'll go shit.
- Repressionism
- I'll hold this shit in forever.
- Fatalism
- Oh shit, it's going to happen!
- Surrealism
- Fish!
- Moilanenism
- Smells like shit of finnish fish.
- Nihilism
- Let's blow this shit up!
- Fetishism
- I love when shit happens.
- Masochism
- Do shit to me!
- Sadism
- I will shit on you!
- Freudianism
- Shit is a phallic symbol.
- Thales
- Earth, Air, Fire, and Shit
- Epicurus
- If shit happens, enjoy it.
- Socrates
- What is shit? Why is shit?
- Aristotle
- The essence of shittyness...
- Descartes
- I think, so why am I in this shit?
- I shit, therefore I am.
- Leibniz (as interpreted by Voltaire)
- The best of all possible shit in this world made for shit.
- Thoreau
- I wanted to live deliberately ... to suck all the shit out of life.
- Sartre
- Shit is meaningless!
- What is shit, anyway?
- Mathematician
- Shit happening is just a special case...
- Statistician
- There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.
- Physicist (Theoretical)
- Shit SHOULD happen.
- Physicist (Experimental)
- To within experimental error, shit DID happen.
- Engineer
- I hope this shit holds together.
- Chemist
- I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
- Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!!!
- Biologist
- Is this shit alive?
- Economist
- I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.
- Bureaucrat
- I'm sorry, but we can't do this shit until you fill out form XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...
- Psychologist
- Shit is in your mind.
- Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.
- Programmer
- It's shit, but at least it compiles.
- Social Scientist
- Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
- Politician
- It's shit, but it'll get me elected.
- If you elect me, there will never again be shit.
- Shit is bad for the economy.
- Dean
- Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
- Accountant
- Why doesn't this shit add up?
- Linguist
- What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri. (For non-Latin-speakers: feces tauri=the excrement of a bull)
- Quality Control Inspector
- This shit ain't good enough.
- IRS Auditor
- I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.
- Farmer
- I get subsidies for my shit.
- Union leader
- Give us more shit or we'll strike.
- Mafia boss
- Rub the shit out.
- NYC Cab Driver
- Damn, looks like I hit that shit...
0th: There is shit.
1st: You can't get rid of it.
2nd: It gets deeper.
3rd: A nice, empty trashcan is wishful thinking.
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