____"All right, Greg, I do take your point. But it makes it sound all the more like a practical joke." Dan paced the floor in front of the stage. "We have a new piano and buzzer, you have new glasses, Wayne's voice is fine, Steve can wear a different shirt, and Tony's pants can be sewn. So we're no worse off than we were before."
____"Except that none of us can concentrate on improv because we're worried about what will happen next!" Tony pointed out.
____"Look Dan," said Brad, "can't you just postpone today's taping until we figure out what's going on?"
____Dan shook his head emphatically. "No, we're too far along. We have no way to notify the audience. And we're into pre-production already. We'll be out thousands if we cancel now. That's just how the business works."
____"Who cares about business?" asked Tony. "We're in fear of our safety!" Everyone nodded in agreement.
____"You're all safe. It's not-" Dan broke off and scanned the group. "Where are Colin and Ryan?" Just then, Colin entered the studio. He looked very worried. "Ah, Colin, there you are. Where's Ryan?"
____"I don't know," Colin replied. "I just called his hotel. The doorman saw him leave over an hour ago - and he's 10 minutes away!"
____"If he's flaked on this show…" Dan started.
____Colin glared at the producer. "Never. Ryan would NEVER do that."
____Everyone started talking at once, but the general consensus was the same. They all wanted the taping canceled.
____They were interrupted by the arrival of a security guard holding a fat envelope. "Mr. Patterson, this just arrived for you," the guard said, handing the envelope to him. It was addressed to Dan, but had been hand-delivered.
____Dan opened the envelope and pulled out yet another book, Truman Capote's The Grass Harp. He found another note inside. He read it - and his face went completely white. He looked at the guard. "Call the police. Call them right now!" The guard ran off. Dan turned to the group, who rushed to see the note. "The taping's canceled," he said simply. He then held up the note for all to see: TRY DOING THE SHOW WITHOUT YOUR STAR CONTESTANT.

____Ryan slowly opened his eyes. His head was swimming. He could barely focus on his surroundings. He'd been placed in an armchair under bright lights. Looking over to his right, he saw a round table with a glass of water on it. He picked up the glass and downed the drink. It was too thick to be water, but whatever it was, his head immediately cleared.
____He glanced around the small room - and gasped. He was sitting in a chair on a red platform. In front of him, a wall was painted with a mural of an audience. The wall on his left had a painting of Richard seated behind a piano. On the right wall was another painting, this one of Clive at the desk. Next to Ryan were two tables and three other chairs. Each chair had a dummy in it.
____Ryan stood up and ran forward. "What the hell's going on?" he asked out loud. He turned and looked all around. No question about it - the room was an exact replica of the Whose Line stage.
____He went up to the first dummy and inspected it. It wore a black suit with a blue shirt and tie. Greg's stolen glasses sat on its face. The second dummy was dressed in black pants and one of Steve's Hawaiian shirts. The third was in khaki pants and a red silk shirt. The lock of hair clipped from Colin had been sewn to the top of the dummy's head.
____Ryan sat down on the floor, his head spinning. "Oh, man. Where am I?" he wondered.
____"You're where you belong," boomed a loud male voice from out of nowhere. Ryan scrambled to his feet and looked around, but saw nobody.
____"Who said that? Who's there?" he demanded.
____"Oh, who I am is not important," the voice replied in a pompous, upper class British accent. "What's important is that you settle into your new home."
____Ryan scanned the wall and found a speaker where the voice was coming from. "Listen, man," he said, "I don't know what you want, but I'm a married man, I have two young kids. You can't keep me in here!"
____The voice chuckled. "Watch me!"
____Ryan began hitting the wall in frustration. "You won't get away with this!" he yelled.
____There was more laughter. "What, the king of improv could only come up with as unoriginal a line as that? Stiles, I'm disappointed in you."
____Ryan began feeling all over the wall, looking for a door. The voice started to rant, "You're the one that's always there. You've always got to sit in that fourth seat. They're not supposed to have any more regular players, but they have you, don't they? Old reliable Ryan. Well, not anymore!"
____Ryan finally found the outline of a door concealed in the wall next to Clive's picture. He realized he had to keep the voice busy while he tried to get out. "What are you talking about?" he asked, repeatedly throwing all his weight against the door.
____"You'll be quite comfortable here," the voice continued. "There's a food slot, and books and videos, and a bathroom backstage-" he broke off. "Don't bother. There's no way you can get that door open."
____Ryan looked at the speaker in surprise. "What?"
____"Do you really think I would rig this thing so I couldn't see you?" asked the voice.
____Ryan looked around and found a closed-circuit camera hidden in the upper corner of the room. He looked right into it. "Who are you?" he asked.
____"Your keeper," was the only reply.

____It was the longest night of the players' lives. The instant the note had been found, chaos ensued. The police arrived, and everyone was herded into the Green Room.
____Dan conferred with the officers for a long time, then came down with two hard-and-fast rules. First, nobody could breathe a word to anybody about Ryan's disappearance. Dan feared the media would get hold of it and create a frenzy. Second, none of the players were permitted to leave the building, out of fear for their safety. Needless to say, this created quite a protest amongst the players, with Greg pointing out the Rule #2 effectively rendered Rule #1 moot, but they agreed to abide by them.
____However, the group had two conditions: First off, if they were forced to stay in the building, they wanted to at least be able to move freely inside. Next, they wanted to be kept privy to every scrap of information the police learned about the case. Dan readily consented to the first condition, and prodded the police to agree to the second. The players knew Dan blamed himself for what had happened to Ryan, and was anxious to set things right as soon as possible.
____Then security informed Dan there was a rather pressing problem: due to the taping's last-minute cancellation, there were now 300 waiting audience members who were not taking the news well. Clive and Tony volunteered to sign autographs to appease the angry crowd. They were sent out to the waiting area with four security guards to protect them.
____Colin brought up the difficult topic of calling Ryan's wife, a prospect the police immediately vetoed. They were confident he'd be found quickly, they said, and there was no reason to worry her. Colin protested that she had a right to know her husband was missing, but it was to no avail. The officers finally asked him to give them 48 hours to find Ryan, and then they'd let him make the call.
____Each player was interviewed by the officers. They rehashed the past two days' events over and over again. The wardrobe mistress, nurse, and security guards also gave statements. The nurse reported that Wayne's soda had indeed been spiked, and may have caused permanent throat damage had he not gotten help when he did.
____Security cam footage from the front of the building showed that the most recent book had been delivered by a bearded man in a taxi. He had stopped the cab and leaned out enough to throw the package onto the doorstep, then retreated into the taxi and drove off. His face was barely caught by the camera, and was not visible enough to tell who it was. The doorman from Ryan's hotel had been brought in. He identified the car and driver as the same ones who'd picked Ryan up. The cab had sat in front of the hotel for 30 minutes, the doorman reported, refusing every fare until Ryan showed up. The taxi was identified as one that had been stolen from the Royal Taxicab Company a month before.
____The ordeal went on through the night. All the players were too worried to try to sleep. Eventually, however, exhaustion overcame them, and they dozed fitfully.
____Finally the night gave way to sunup, and the police could begin an active search. The players were left alone with their thoughts. Coffee and breakfast pastries were brought in for the group. Nobody was the least bit hungry, but they ate to keep up their strength and energy.
____Nobody said a word. There was nothing anyone could think to say. Issues that had been vital only a day ago suddenly seemed trivial.
____Colin paced the room, holding an empty coffee mug. Suddenly, he threw the cup against the wall. It shattered completely. The violent movement startled the group, and they all turned to him. "I can't take this anymore!" he shouted.
____"None of us can," Greg wearily agreed.
____"I mean it, I've had enough!" Colin cried. "I'm not just gonna sit here all day with my best friend missing!"
____The others looked at Colin in surprise. The man who was normally nothing but kind and polite had fire flashing in his eyes. He went on, "The rest of you can stay here and rely on the police, but I'm gonna do something!"
____"Colin, we're frustrated too," Clive said. "But what can we do? We're confined to the building."
____"There's got to be a way to help from here," said Colin. "We're all intelligent adults. We can think of something."
____Everyone looked at each other. The same thought was written on every face. Greg slowly nodded. The others followed suit. They were in.
____"All right, where do we start?" Wayne asked.
____"With what we know," Colin replied.
____"Well, he obviously knew the studio well, to know that trapdoor was there," Brad pointed out. "You can't even see it if it's closed."
____"So it's probably a Hat Trick employee," said Wayne.
____"Or a former one," added Tony.
____"They had security cam footage of the front of the building," Greg mused. "They must have cameras inside."
____"Wait!" Richard ran to the door of the room and opened it. He looked up. "There's one up here! It must have caught whoever took the eyeglasses and spiked the drink!"
____"How could we have not thought of this earlier?" Tony wondered.
____"Never mind that! Where can we go to see the tape?" asked Brad.
____"I know where," Clive announced. "Follow me."
____It was all they could do to keep from running at top speed to the security room. They burst through the door. A guard was there, reading the newspaper instead of watching the monitors. He looked up when they came in.
____"Where's the security footage from two days ago?" Clive inquired.
____"I can punch it up for you," the guard replied. "Just tell me which camera you're looking for."
____They told him, and he replied, "Oh yeah, the same one the cops wanted to see last night."
____"Did they say anything about it?" Steve asked.
____The guard shrugged. "The tape wouldn't work. We just got it fixed a little while ago. They said they'd come back later."
____He typed the information they were looking for, and the tape rolled. The guard fast-forwarded until an image of Greg entering the Green Room came up on the screen.
____"Stop it there and let it roll," Colin requested.
____They watched as Colin left the room, shutting the door and disappearing down the hall. After a couple of minutes, a figure appeared on the screen. It was a slightly built man, casually dressed, with curly hair. He seemed to be making no effort to disguise himself. A book was in his hand. He glanced around, and slipped into the room. After no more than a minute, he stepped out again. The book was gone, but he was holding something else.
____Greg looked close. "That bastard's got my glasses!"
____The man glanced around again. His face turned to the camera for a split second. Then he turned and quickly walked off, leaving the door open.
____"Can you possibly zoom in on his face?" Clive asked the guard.
____"Sure." The guard went to the frame with the perpetrator's face, and zoomed in. The image was fuzzy. The guard sharpened it, and the face became clear. All the players gasped.
____"Oh my god," Brad said in disbelief.
____Clive shook his head. "It can't be. It absolutely can't be…"

____Ryan woke up and looked around. He was lying on the prop stage. "Damn," he muttered, "I'd hoped it was a dream."
____He sat up, thankful that the fake stage was a soft as the real one. "I've got to get out of here," he said to himself.
____"Rise and shine!" boomed the disembodied voice. "Breakfast time!"
____"Bread and water?" Ryan asked sarcastically.
____"Now, that's not a very positive attitude!" the voice replied. "It's a good traditional British meal!" A narrow slot opened in the bottom of the wall, and a tray slid out onto the floor. On it were a plate of bangers and mash, and a small cup of orange juice.
____Ryan eyed the food suspiciously. "What makes you think I'm going to eat anything you serve me?" he asked. "For all I know you've slipped cyanide in there."
____Chilling laughter rang out. "If I wanted to kill you, I'd have done so already," the voice pointed out to him.
____"Then why keep me here?" Ryan asked. "Are you holding me for ransom or something?"
____"I'm keeping you here," the voice told him, "because I want you to know what isolation is like. I want you to know how it feels to have others take away what's precious to you!"
____"Look, pal," Ryan said, "Whatever it is I've done to you, I'm sorry. There's got to be a way to resolve this."
____"Oh, I'm resolving it! It's not only you, you know," the voice ranted. "It's everyone on that miserable little show! You all ruined me! Now I'm taking my revenge - on all of you."
____Panicked and furious, Ryan jumped up and ran to the camera. "You do ANYTHING to my friends, and I swear to fucking god I'll-"
____"It's already been done," the voice replied. "Don't you get it? You all have these little trademarks. Fans all over the world can identify you immediately. I've been on their websites. They can rattle off lists of what you've worn, games you've played, things you've said. They all know you by something, like Brady's voice, and Proops' precious spectacles. I'm taking them all away. There'll be nothing left."
____Ryan shook his head. "You're mad," he muttered. He looked up at the camera. "What do you have to do with all this?"
____"Plenty," replied the voice. "What am I remembered for? Being a stuffy, boring, pompous bastard, that's what! I was the star, and now I'm nothing! Have you ever seen all the insults I get?"
____Ryan sat on the edge of the stage, thoughts whirling around in his head. "The star …" he whispered. "Pompous … insults? Star?" Suddenly it hit him, and he looked up in disbelief. "Sessions?!?"

____"I refuse to believe it." Clive sat in the Green Room, surrounded by the players. "John Sessions was my friend. He'd never hurt the show."
____"It doesn't take much, Mr. Anderson, to push a man over the edge," the police sergeant told him. He finished taking their report and left the room. "We'll keep you posted."
____"I have to say, I agree with Clive," Tony spoke up. "Something just doesn't sit right."
____"Why didn't he try to disguise himself?" Steve wondered. "He must have known he'd be recognized."
____Richard leaned back in his chair. "Something's bugging me about this. I can't put my finger on it, but…" Suddenly, he sat bolt upright. "Wait a minute! I KNOW it can't be John!"
____"How?" Greg asked him.
____Richard stood up and began to pace the room excitedly. "He's in America all month shooting a movie!"
____"Now, how do you know that?" Brad inquired.
____"I read it on the fan club's message board!"
____Wayne shook his head and grinned. "The Whosers. They know everything we're doing before we do."
____Colin's eyes lit up. "That's it! The fans!"
____"What about the fans?" Tony asked. "Surely you don't think one of them did it!"
____"No," said Colin, "But maybe they can tell us who did!"
____"You're not going to tell them what happened, are you?" Clive asked incredulously.
____"Of course not," Colin said, "but we can ask them some questions. Just trust me!"
____"Well, I think it's worth a try," said Steve.
____"Is there an Internet connection here anywhere?" Greg asked.
____"The news research lab has a few," Clive replied.
____"What are we gonna do, post to the board?" asked Richard.
____"That'll take too long to get responses," Wayne pointed out. "Let's try their chat room."
____They traipsed up to the research lab, which was empty. The computers sat glowing on one end of the room. Wayne sat down in front of one and logged into Internet Relay Chat. The others pulled up chairs so they could see.
____"Will anyone be in there at this hour?" Greg asked. "It's pretty early in the States."
____"We'll find out," Wayne replied. He typed in his handle as "FanOfWL", and joined the #wliia chat channel.
____They watched what appeared on the screen:

[you have joined #wliia. Topic: 'mysterious taping cancellation']

____"See? They knew about that already!" Colin pointed out. Wayne began to type.

FanOfWL: Hello, everyone!
Nessa: So why was it canceled?
Jessie: Hey, a new person!
Dean: Hi, Fan!
Joanne: Nessa, I heard nobody really knows.
Julie: Welcome, Fan!
Sam: Hi, Fan!
Claudia: I heard it was technical difficulties, whatever that means.
FanOfWL: Can I ask you all a couple things?
Julie: Sure, Fan!
Dean: Fire away!

____Wayne hesitated. "What do I ask?"
____"Ask about the trademarks," Colin suggested. "Ask what they think Ryan's are."

FanOfWL: Do you guys think the players have trademarks?
Joanne: Oh, definitely!
Sam: They're very distinctive!
FanOfWL: What about, say, Ryan Stiles? What are his?
Jessie: His height, for sure!
Claudia: And his bright shirts!
Dean: He's a trademark in himself!
FanOfWL: What do you mean, Dean?
Dean: He's always there! He's the one who's always on the show!
Dean: He's the show's own trademark!

____"That's it!" said Greg. "That's why the guy kidnapped him! It fits right in!"
____"Ask about John," Colin encouraged.

FanOfWL: What about John Sessions?
Sam: Oh, must you bring up his name?
Jessie: He's boring. That's his trademark!
Nessa: And playing "Authors".
Julie: Yeah, that's what everyone associates him with.

____"The books," Brad practically whispered. "They were all by famous authors!"

Joanne: Fan, if you want a dialogue about John, you should talk to Session Man.
Claudia: Although we don't recommend it.
FanOfWL: Who's Session Man?
Julie: Some jerk. He came in about a week ago and started insulting all the players.
Jessie: Accused them, and us, of being too mean to John.
Claudia: Especially Ryan!
FanOfWL: He insulted Ryan?
Dean: Yeah. He was vile. He ranted for a while, and we finally kicked him from the room.
FanOfWL: What did he say?
Nessa: Was anyone logging that night?
Jessie: I was.
FanOfWL: Can I please see everything he said?
Jessie: Sure, I guess. Let me bring it up.
FanOfWL: Thanks.
Sam: Why do you want to know, Fan?
FanOfWL: It's for a paper I'm researching on fan obsession.

____"Quick thinking, Wayne," Clive said approvingly.
____"Think this could be a lead?" asked Steve.
____"Well, it's all we've got so far," Colin replied. Just then a private dialogue box came up, and the pasted chat appeared:

[SessionMan (SessionMan@hattrick.co.uk) has joined #wliia]

____"He works for Hat Trick!" exclaimed Wayne.

SessionMan: Hey.
Ashley: Hi, Session!
Dean: Welcome, Session!
Joanne: Hi, Man!
Julie: One week to tapings, you guys!
Claudia: Wish I could go!
Emile: Me, too!
SessionMan: Why?
Jessie: Because we love going to WL tapings!
SessionMan: That show is the most hideous, awful show in history!
Nessa: Excuse me, SessionMan, you're taking your life into your hands if you talk that way in here!
Ashley: Don't you insult our show, Session!
SessionMan: All of you people are sick! Who will be there that's worth watching?
Julie: Everybody!
Nessa: Greg will!
Ashley: Brad will be there!
Jessie: And Colin and Tony!
Joanne: So will Wayne! And Steve!
Emile: And Clive and Richard!
SessionMan: Untalented losers, one and all!
Dean: Hey!!!
Claudia: Ryan! Ryan will be there!
SessionMan: Ryan Stiles doesn't deserve his success! He had it all handed to him!
Julie: How dare you say such things???
SessionMan: The only person who was ever worth watching on that show was John Sessions!
Dean: Don't make me laugh!
SessionMan: What is the matter with you people? You're the absolute worst!
Joanne: You have no right to talk this way, Session!
SessionMan: John paved the way for each and every one of them! Especially Stiles! And they show no gratitude! I hope they all get exactly what they deserve!
Dean: Right. That's it.
[SessionMan has been kicked off #wliia by Dean]

____"This guy's really off his rocker," Brad observed. "I can't believe he'd just go in and start yelling at the fans like that."
____"It's a good thing he did," Richard pointed out. "We can use his e-mail address to find his name in the employee files!"
____Wayne logged in to the Hat Trick e-mail system and typed the address, then hit, "search". After a few seconds, a match was found: "Graham Harris." Wayne searched the name on the employee database. Harris' file came up. On it was listed all the work he'd done for the production company. But it was his picture that took them all by surprise. His hair was blond and straight, but the face had an odd familiarity.
____"My god," gasped Colin. "All he needs is a wig, and he'd look just like…"
____"John Sessions!" everyone shouted in unison.

go to part 3

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