This is my disclaimer. My name is Jessie or Jessica Johnston. I am not the maintainer of this site, so if you have a problem with it, or questions ... email ME and not bug Julie who runs this site. I apologize if anyone is offended by any content within, it was all in fun ... and if you like it (please please I'm a biology student, I LOVE criticism saying I can write too *L*) EMAIL ME too. Please? Anyone? Oh, and for problems with deciphering people, cast list is at bottom.
Basically I was dared to do this. I don't mean to offend, or break copyright, or anything like that ... I'm a starving university student, you have nothing to gain by getting mad at me if anyone does ... but if you do, you can email me too ... I take flames.
And if Colin, Wayne, or any other of you guys wander across this ... *L* if you like, I'd beg for you to tell me what you think but I'm not a begging type of girl usually ;) ... just remember it's all done cause we like you guys so much (and I sorta got dared and love love to write) and I really hope you find it amusing, like I swear you find us, rather than bad in anyway. And now ...
Once upon a time there was a beautiful young woman
called Alice, sitting in a small field, talking to herself and saying "Hey,
listen! If you're going to do this, please could you get my name right?
And I'm not beautiful, I'm a dork".
"Oh give me a break" came the voice from nowhere,
or more precisely, from behind the young woman. "You know how hard it is
to transcribe a story when you're watching it live? And you are cute so
there." A slight moment of silence followed, and the young woman
turned to sit as she was supposed to yet again. Trying to ignore
the grumbling from nowhere that started again "And why is my voice coming
from nowhere? I'm only a saint, not a god ... now as I was saying before
I was interrupted ..."
Once upon a time, there was a still beautiful young
woman called Ashley, sitting in a small field talking to herself and daydreaming,
or as some call it, swooning. On her lap sat her small grey kitten,
Whoser, but her mind was so caught up in her swooning that she didn't notice
Whoser staring off into the distance until he ran off. Not heeding her
cries.
Well of course she had to chase her beloved Whoser,
so without a thought Ashley was chasing behind him, calling for Whoser
to return. Although she too was intrigued by the little brown creature
Whoser was chasing. Running on its hind legs, and jumping up and
down, scratching under its arms, and then disappearing into a hole in a
large hedge of bushes up against the wall of a white building. Whoser
chased happily after, and so Ashley followed suit.
To find herself falling, swooning to the ultimate
power, into a new and wondrous world.
*****
"Oh wow!" said Ashley, looking around at this new
world, where everything seemed to be brighter & happier. Bypassing
the table, which did after all have a little cookie saying "Eat me" written
on it, but she never could eat when she was excited, so instead she went
to an ornate door. Opening it, and again and again and again until
the last door was there and it was really small. Which would phase
any normal young woman, but this one had an alterego to call on.
The amazing Superdork with her amazing shrinking powers.
So she used those amazing powers and stepped through.
To find herself looking at a pair of feet. and she looked up. And up. And
... paused for a very long moment. Then reluctantly looked up some
more until she was looking into the face of someone a little taller than
she was normally. Sideburns extended upward into nicely tapered
ears, short hair between dropping a bit above his eyes. Those bright eyes twinkled at her from that smiling
face, a smile that made her melt. His shirt was bright orange, the
same as the carrot hanging from one white-gloved hand.
"Excuse me? Hello?" cried Ashley "Can I ask you
a question?"
The White Rabbit looked around, bewildered at the
voice that didn't seem to have a source, and then in a falsetto voice said
"I'm late!" Then he coughed, and in a normal, nice deep tone of voice continued
"Sorry, I'm late, cause I wasn't on time". Then ran off down a nearby
path.
"Wait! Don't go ... oh nice view ... but still
come back!" cried Ashley, only now registering as the haze of his presence
went away that she was still really small, and returning to normal size.
Running after him, ignoring the little sign saying "Home ->" and instead
following the rabbit. Wanting to talk to him more, as well as needing to
find her beloved Whoser.
Ashley kept chasing down the path, and once and awhile
even got the White Rabbit in viewing
distance again. He kept running and skipping and jumping faster
then she could follow though. She
even saw him make a tremendous jump at one point, covering a lot of ground.
As Ashley caught up to that spot though, she figured out why. In front of her was a river, and the White Rabbit had merely jumped over it. However, it was a little too big for even Ashley to walk over. She could feel the pout beginning to settle over her features even as she did.
She was staring off after the direction in which
the White Rabbit had gone when she heard the
voice from below her. Looking down into the river, she saw a
large mouse, wet, and unable to climb up the banks. "Hello" cried
the mouse "Are you trying to follow the White Rabbit?" asked the
brown furry creature, big eyes looking up at her.
"Yes I am" replied Ashley excitedly, "do you know
where he's going?"
"No, I'm afraid not, eh?" replied the mouse.
"Though he passes by this area often and I often wonder where he's going. So far I'm torn between some kind of
country life or a bachelor pad or a poker game"
"Curious ideas" replied Ashley "but I must admit you made
me giggle" she said, doing just that. "Are you quite okay in that river. It does look awfully chilly and
damp."
"Chilly? Not really that bad, but I'm used to the
cold" replied the mouse. "But it is rather damp. Still, I have an idea. If I help you get across the river so you can follow the White Rabbit, will you help me get up over the bank?"
Ashley agreed quickly, and carefully stepped onto
the mouse's back, clinging on like some sort of piggy back ride until she reached the other side. Then from there,
she helped pull the poor mouse up over the riverbank. In the process both of them getting quite giggly, and making Ashley wish she had a watch like the White Rabbit to see if it was some sort of silly hour.
But she couldn't stay long, still feeling that need to chase the Rabbit, and she soon departed from the mouse, declining her offer to come visit and have some bread and melted cheese.
She continued walking down the path, looking down
to search for Whoser just in case. After all, she figured she'd lost
the White Rabbit due to talking to that interesting character earlier.
Basically not paying attention at all to anything above a short height.
Which is probably why she ran straight headfirst into ... the White Rabbit
himself. "Excuse me" he said, pushing an ear back that had been disrupted
by the hit. Shaking his head in confusion, he looked down at Ashley,
and she couldn't help the grin that crossed her face.
"Stop right there" he said "I need to talk to you".
Shaking his head he moved back up to stand before her, looking down with
a crooked grin, and as he did. "But first ... oh, I dropped my gloves!"
he cried, leaning over to try and catch them. Unfortunately they
fell in the river that the mouse had fallen into, and they both watched
them drift away.
Feeling a bit bolder, Ashley grinned up at him as
he straightened, tugging on his sleeve a bit. "How about you sing
me a song about that in a style of my own choosing?"
The White Rabbit shook his head. "I already
did a song about gloves, and besides, I'm late " he cried and with that
he ran after his gloves down the river, scraps of the song trailing after
him. Ashley hearing the words "Anna will you be ..." before he disappeared
around the bend.
Ashley was very tempted to chase him along the bank,
but she knew that hadn't worked, so she continued on down the path that
meandered to and from the river. As she followed, she tried to keep
an eye on the White Rabbit, but it got hard when the path meandered away.
What she did find however, was a gate on the far
side of the path from the river. A gate with a small sign saying
"White Rabbit, Esq." Ashley looked beyond and saw the White Rabbit's
house. "I could get him another pair of gloves to help" she spoke
to herself, "that way next time I see him I'll have something to talk
about!"
Or so she said, although the evil grin crossing her features at the thought
of looking around that fascinating creature's place could have had more
to do with it. Still, with that she ran up the path into his house.
Once in the house, she had to stop and look around.
I mean, it was the White Rabbit's house, she couldn't resist. Wandering
through the rooms, slightly messy, tables with cups and no coasters, a
general bachelor abode she thought. Finally she made it to the stairs,
winding up around them, and ending up in the White Rabbit's room.
Rummaging through his drawers, she behaved herself and avoided looking
at certain things she shouldn't (barely), and finally found a drawer full
of gloves. They were split into two piles, rubber gloves, which for
some reason caused that earlier melody to run through her mind, and nice
white gloves like the ones he'd lost. She grabbed one pair of those
and turned to go. Well, not that quickly, she still wanted to look
around a bit.
As she was rummaging through his closet, marvelling
at the bright shirts, and trying her best to avoid going back to another
of the drawers, Ashley heard a noise outside. Always a curious one,
she walked out into the hallway to find the source of the noise.
Only to run into a young man in a dark blue blazer,
who jumped in surprise as he saw her come out of the room, but then quickly
bellowed "Up against the wall!" Surprised, she flattened herself
against the wall of the hall, looking quizzically at the man in front of
her. "Oh come on" she replied, throwing out a huge smile, and she
saw him almost soften for a minute, but then he shook his head and said
"Stay there and be quiet. It's not me, it's my boss."
Ashley was not wanting to stay there indefinately.
Dejected, she dug her hands into her pockets, and pulled out their contents
to see if she had anything to bribe this page with. One of the first
things she dug out was a small stick she had, and as she held it up to
throw it away, she saw him stiffen. Then back away, yelling "Not
on a stick". And then he disappeared around the corner of the house.
Ashley wasn't going to stick around to see if he
had reinforcements, so instead she ran out the back door, stick waving
in one hand. But just as she entered the woods she heard a
loud noise. Figuring that perhaps that page had chased her, she quickly
hid, but instead she heard a sharp little bark. An enormous puppy
was looking down at her with large round eyes underneath big bushy eyebrows
and behind the shake of grey ears. He carefully stretched out one
paw, trying to touch her. Curious, Ashley held up her bit of stick
and held it out to the dog.
"What's that? You expect me to chase a stick?" came
the deep voice from the dog, startling Ashley, who jumped back a little.
"Now then, now then, now then" he continued, sitting on his haunches, "I'd
rather have a ball of string if you wouldn't mind."
Ash's head tilted to one side as she watched cur
iously.
"A ball of string? Isn't that what one would expect of a cat?" She
knew that because of Whoser, and this conversation was making her think
of her poor lost kitten again.
The dog looked at her like that was patently obvious.
"Yes." was all he said, before looking around in boredom.
Ashley reached into her pocket, and found one of
Whoser's cat toys that she had then. Pulling it out, she was pleased
to see the dog's eyes follow it. "You want this?" she cajoled.
"Tell me where to go to find the White Rabbit."
The dog's eyes followed the toy as she moved it
back and forth, and he said in an oddly deep, yet singsongy voice "Run
through the forest behind, and look for a Card. But make sure to get a
rose and not a piece of lard." With that he pointed one direction,
and then continued to stare at the toy.
Ashley was confused by the comment but the dog had
given her a direction to go, and so she threw the cat toy over his shoulder,
and was surprised to hear him give something scarily like a meow as he
ran off. With a shrug, she continued on in that direction, so wrapped
up in her own thoughts that she barely ever noticed the lovely colours
of the forest here. Matching patterns and colours in bright, yet
nice colours. Ducking past trees, and bushes, she continued in the general
direction she'd seen the White Rabbit go, wishing that she'd found a better
path.
It was as she ducked under a multicoloured and very
huge toadstool that a commanding voice grabbed her attention. A very distinctive
voice, with a sardonic clip to it, calling out to her "Well hello there.
Nice of you to pop up out of nowhere and disrupt everything like that.
Do you have a proper excuse?" She looked around, puzzled and conf
used.
Not seeing the source of the voice, she took a step out into the clearing.
This time the voice was obviously from behind her as it continued.
"Well pookie, do you?"
As Ashley turned around, she first noticed the whisp
of smoke, mainly white but seeming to hazily change colours higher up,
trailing from above the toadstool. With a step backwards, she could
see the figure on top. Intelligent eyes blinking at her from behind
a pair of black-rimmed specs, sleek black with a triangle of bright
colour just under what would in a human be equivalent to the neck and the
curl of gold hair falling just above the glasses, the large caterpillar
that reclined on top of that toadstool, looking comfortable and slightly
smug, took another drag off the cigarette in his hand.
"Excuse me sir, but what are you?" asked Ashley,
curious eyes going wide.
"I've metamorphisized backwards from a butterfly
into a caterpillar, as is my wont!" proclaimed the Caterpillar, looking
down at her. "And what are you?"
"I thought I was just a good fan, but I'm not sure
anymore" responded Ashley "This day has been so confusing, and I can't
find Whoser, and I lost the White Rabbit and ..."
"Relax girl" the Caterpillar replied "There is a
simple way to test that you know. A hoedown"
She saw his slight shiver as he said that and half
of her shared that sentiment, while the other half chortled with glee.
However, Ashley only replied with a hesitant "Are you sure?"
"Of course" came the quick reply, "and forgive me
if I'm wrong, but I'm not, this does mean I get to sit up here and smart
off while you stay down there and work."
Another small smile crossed the caterpillar's face,
reflected even in spec-covered eyes as he looked her up and down.
"So what topic should you do a hoedown to." He canted his head back
to the point where he could look thoughtfully into the smoke, and for one
moment ashley almost swore she saw the face of a young woman, wicked smile
hidden behind the fall of long wavy hair and eyes staring devotedly at
the caterpillar. At the same small instant she could almost hear a ghostly
whisper on the wind. So faint, as was that image, to almost be discounted.
The caterpillar's head still was tilted upward in
a thoughtful pose, but she couldn't tell if he was paying attention to
her fantasy or not. Instead, she waited semi-patiently, until he
said "You have to do a hoedown about aging. You know, like "You are Old
Father William" kinda crap"
Ashley gulped. She wasn't much for singing, which
was silly cause she had a good voice, but she still wasn't.
And hoedowns were known for their ability to screw you up. But still,
she put on a brave face and broke out into a hoedown.
"Oh I am just a young girl, and you're so very old,
So very very very very very very, gee I'm awfully bold...;)"
With that she paused, a sheepish look
crossing her face as she realized what she'd just said, and was left with
nothing more. All she could think of was to whisper the word "Instrumental?"
She was still staring sheepishly when he interrupted
"No, nononono", sliding off the toadstool. Breaking almost effortlessly
into his own hoedown.
" You know when you age it's a horrible time
Struggling with memory to think of a rhyme
Yes with aging I haven't had any luck
I'm telling you it just ain't worth a .... darn"
With that ending, the caterpillar smirked down at
her. "So, how do you feel now pookie?"
Ashley shook her head "I'm still a bit confused
..."
His voice smoothly interrupted her. "Well
I can't help that. You should be on your way either way, you've got
things to do, and you don't want to be late. It'll make more sense
in awhile."
Ashley just nodded as he eased himself up onto the
toadstool again, watching the waft of multi-coloured smoke float away.
"But Mr. Caterpillar ..." she began, voice trailing off as he looked down.
Her hand reached up onto the toadstool to try to get her attention, but
that look made her lower herself back off her tiptoes again. As she did,
something hard fell down onto her, knocked down by her arm, but she was
too busy paying attention to the caterpillar's stern look and waiting for
his response to really look at it, instead shoving it halfway into her
upper pocket.
His words weren't what she was looking for though,
short as he sent her on her way. "Now now Miss C. Just go that way"
he finished, gesturing to the left "and you'll find your way soon enough."
Ashley walked off in the direction the caterpillar
had gave her, confused still. Although the fact that she'd been able
to make up a hoedown made her feel a little better, still overall she was
quite confused. And a general "go that way" didn't seem to be that
helpful.
The confusion made her not pay attention to her
surroundings very much, so when she was basically divebombed by a bird
she just about jumped off the path. Ducking, covering her head, she
was suprised to see the grey bird instead land in front of her. With
a darker patch around her eyes, a small darker oval down on the side of
her face where her cheek would be and a jaunty yellow cap, she was eminently
recognizable now that Ashley is paying attention.
"Hello" she called, curiously. "Is something
wrong?"
"I'm sorry" responded the bird in cultured tones
"You were coming away from the caterpillar's domain you see ..."
"And ..." prompted Ashley when the bird fell into
silence.
"Well" she replied, "You have his glasses."
Ashley looked down, puzzled, and then and only then
realized just what she had stuffed into her pocket. A pair of square-framed
dark-rimmed glasses, slightly different in appearance than the glasses
the Caterpillar was wearing but still the same overall style. "I'm
sorry, I didn't realize. Besides, he's wearing another pair ..."
"That may be true" replied the bird, head tilting
to the one side "And I'm sure you meant no harm, but he tends to like to
have a choice of what to wear. After all, he's got to look stylish,
as you know he does" she continued, in a confidential tone, "and therefore
he can change looks to depend on his mood."
"And you try to keep him happy?" Ashley guessed.
"Well, as much as I can. I maintain his domain"
she replied. "It's a busy job, but I like doing it"
"Well then" continued Ashley confidently "he told
me to go in this direction, and seeing as that's what he wants, perhaps
you can give me better directions?"
The bird nodded, twirping happily. "If you continue down this
path you can get back to a main road to the castle. That's probably what
he meant," she responded. "Now if I could?"
Ashley raised the glasses, the bird carefully grasping
them and flying back the way Ashley had come from. And Ashley herself
continued down the road, wondering just what else this place had in store
for her.
It wasn't long until she found the main road that
the bird had promised her. The smaller path she was on joined up
to the main road in sort of a Y-shape, and there, right where the two paths
met there was a very large, and gnarled tree. In that tree sat a
cat, and for a moment her heart stopped. But no, it wasn't Whoser, for
this cat was much larger. And a deep chocolate brown, with even darker
tabby-stripes, attentive eyes watching her curiously, and a large grin
crossing from ear to ear.
"Hi there kitty" she began, and he only grinned
a little larger. Remembering how the other creatures in this realm
had spoken to her, Ashley decided to continue a little more formal.
"Hello Cheshire Cat" she began, "Could you tell me which way I should go
from here?"
The voice that responded was highly melodic and
smooth, almost sing-song, the grin never fading "Depends on where you want
to go" he replied, stretching in the curve of trunk where he sat.
"Well" she replied "I'm looking for my little cat,
Whoser, have you seen him?"
"Another cat in these places? Sorry girl, nothing
like that, I'm the one there's no more." replied the cat, tail winding
around the now repositioned body. "But tell me, truly Ashley,
is there anything else you looking for?"
Ashley looked down at her feet at that comment,
scuffling those very same feet as she tried to figure out how to explain
the rest. "I'm such a dork," she finally commented, still staring
at her feet. "I'm also looking for the White Rabbit."
"Let me tell you something. I want you to look at
me," replied the Cheshire Cat, dragging her vision upwards again to his
smiling face. "I want to help you, so don't you worry, Ashley."
And then he gestured down the main road with his
right paw. "In that direction lives a Hatter, and in that direction,"
he continued, gesturing with his left paw, "there lives a March Hare.
Either can help you out, but remember, they're both mad."
"Mad?" asked Ashley, "I don't know how much help
they can give if they're both mad."
"Oh, well you can't help that" replied the cat,
"we're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad. But don't worry Ashley,
huh, because that can make us very glad."
With that final comment the cat began to fade, becoming
ghostlike, all except for his still-remaining grin. "See you later Ashley.
You dork." And with that even the lonely remaining smile disappeared, leaving
Ashley all alone.
go to part 2
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