Ashley in Whoserland - part 2

   She remained there for a little while, trying to decide.  Then, figuring that a March Hare was closer to a White Rabbit, she headed down the road to her left.  Ashley walked down the road and finally reached a small gate, where she could see in front of her at last.  There in a clearing she saw a large table, curiouser and curiouser again.  At the large table sat only three people: a tall hare with floppy ears, a tall man wearing a ridiculous hat, and a short dormouse sitting between them.  She was being leaned on by both of them, and she seemed asleep as they used her as a headrest and talked to each other over her head excitedly, the man's face betraying his emotions but the hare's staying straightfaced, almost sad.  To herself, Ashley couldn't help but comment, "Oh they're both here. Maybe that means I can get double the help!" And so she walked through the gate.
    They both were quiet as they turned to look at Ashley as she walked in.  "Who are you?" demanded the March Hare. "I don't remember inviting you to the party, and you didn't ring the bell. What did you do, come in through the microwave?"  Ashley, needless to say very confused, just turned to look at the man in the hat.
    He looked at her with great curiousity, then reached out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.  "Your hair wants cutting," he commented.  A bit swooning, she could only come up with, "That's a ridiculous hat."
    He looked at her, and then up at the garish hat, and responded with "I have nothing to say, I just love this hat".  Then looking down at the table, continued.  "But you were supposed to tell me that I shouldn't make personal remarks," retorted the Mad Hatter, reading off a small piece of paper before him "after all, it's very rude."
    "I'm sorry" responded Ashley naturally. "Would you like me to say it now?"
    The March Hare looked at her incredulously "Well, if you did that, it wouldn't be spontaneous now would it!"
    Ashley was feeling quite puzzled.  The Hatter's remark made no sense to her, and why he was fitting lines into the conversation read off pieces of paper she had no idea.  "I don't quite understand you two," she said, being polite but still wanting to get past her confusion so she could get somewhere.
    "Understand?" commented the dormouse, eyes still closed under the fall of sandy hair, seemingly talking in her sleep.  "They stand over actually," she continued, looking up with quasi-annoyance at the two others still leaning on top of her head.
    "Would you like some tea?" asked the Mad Hatter, "if so I'm going to have a little trouble because I can't use my own hands you see."  He said this as he took a drink out of a glass using his own hands, so Ashley definitely didn't see, but went along with it anyway.
    Meanwhile, the March Hare was looking her over, up and down, and she felt sort of uncomfortable but just stood and smiled as nicely as she could.  "Would you like some twiglets?" he said, pushing over a bowl that seemed to be filled with small branches.  Out of niceties sake she took one, choking on the burnt flavour and grabbing the nearest water container to drink the flavour out of her mouth.  The look on the March Hare's face seemed to get even more droopier as she choked on the twiglet, and even more so as she drank.  "Hey, what are you doing with my squeezie bottle?" he cried, grabbing it from her hand and clutching it to his chest, looking quite indignant.
    "I'm dreadfully sorry ..." began Ashley, only to be cut off by the Mad Hatter from where he lounged in his comfy chair.
    "Well, just be glad we let him host the party rather than the dormouse.  You don't like twiglets? Imagine if all there were were red fishes."  He clanked his water glass on the table as if to emphasize his point.
    The dormouse, seeming to have fallen asleep again, muttered out quietly "red herrings", but no one seemed to notice this but Ashley.
    Ashley herself decided to just go on and get it out. "Excuse me, but have either of you seen a small grey kitten? Or perhaps the White Rabbit?" she enquired from where she stood.  As she asked, she could see the Mad Hatter figiting in his chair, the dormouse still sleepy, and the March Hare still staring unimpressed at her.  "Are you quite alright?" she asked the Mad Hatter.
    "Yes ... no ... I can't leave until it's over" he whispered back, looking slightly pained.
    "Oh, the Dormouse can tell you!" exclaimed the March Hare, distracting her from her concern for the Hatter and elbowing the dormouse, who jumped.  "Go on then, tell us a story Dormouse!"
    The dormouse's voice was still sleepfilled as it began "Well, I've been thinking back, and what a dusty old bunch of stories I've found.  This one is an amazing unknown classic known as the White Rabbit at the Castle".
    Looking up to the far side of the table Ashley saw the spires of a castle rising in the distance, and couldn't contain her excitement. Finally a straight answer ... well, relatively.  Nodding thankfully to all three of them, she quickly yelled an accompanying thanks and headed quickly off on the path in that direction.  Looking behind only once, seeing the March Hare still staring off into the distance, the dormouse again asleep, and the Mad Hatter running off frantically into the bush.

    As she kept walking, the trees began clearing more and more, becoming more uniform in planting, the castle still in the background.  In fact, the uniform planting began to look like an orchard.  And not just an orchard, an orchard of roses.  Red ones.  Wanting to steal one, she was about to reach up to snag one when she heard three voices arguing just a little ways away.
    "Whatever colour you want" commented the first.
    "No, whatever colour you want" replied another.
    Finally a third broke in "I don't mind!"
    Walking around the nearby tree, she found an amazing discrepancy.  Here, in the middle of all these red rose trees, which made her have this sudden awful craving for the tea she had refused back before for some weird reason, was one large tree. With white roses.  And around it were three cards.  She blinked, but yes, they were cards.  These three cards were all from the hearts section of the pack, the ten of hearts having a gold backing, the four of hearts having a black backing, and the seven of hears having a red backing.  Other than that they seemed to be relatively similar, and were definately seeming to argue the same point, none of them seeming to wish to decide.
    "Excuse me" piped up Ashley.  "Wouldn't you want to paint it red to match all the rest of the roses?"
    All three cards jumped at her surprising approach, and turned around.  "Red?" they chorused, looking up at the tree.  "That's a good idea" replied the four of hearts, turning back to the tree, and logically putting up a ladder while the others continued to look at Ashley.  "My question is" she continued "why must they all be red?"
    "The ruler of this country likes red. Only red.  Otherwise everything gets very melodramatic.  Luckily there's no countries with blue or yellow nearby," began Ten, before being elbowed gently in the ribs by number four.
    "Wrong red realm" whispered Four before making sure the ladder was securely placed.
    The seven of hearts finally quietly commented as she looked at the ladder "You can do it, I don't mind."
    "No, that's quite alright" stated the ten quite firmly "I've got lots of things to do, copies of flowers to be made, you can do it."
    Ashley shook her head as she realized that they were so indecisive and all wanted the others to have fair chances that none of them was getting anything done, except for the ten who wasn't getting what they were supposed to be doing done but was seeming to make copies of the red roses on the other trees to add to this white one.  She was going to try and interrupt and help them out, even though she wasn't too good at decisions herself, when she heard the sound of a trumpet call. And with that sound, all three of the cards ran for it.  Seven running far down towards what looked like citrus trees, even if the fruit was red, Four ducking quickly and sensibly into the nearest bushes pulling out a book to read while she waited, and Ten throwing copies all around to cause a distraction, disappearing in the following mess.
    Which left only Ashley, standing among falling copies of red roses, beside a tree made of white ones.  Looking up eagerly to see the ruler of this country, because after all she had been told to go to the castle, and rulers and castles went hand in hand.

    There were only three people, the Rulers, because now she realized there would have to be two, as was logical, and in front of them, holding the trumpet which had sounded, stood the Jack of Hearts.  Of course, for some reason the old english term of Knave of hearts seemed to fit better in her mind.  Maybe it was the devilish grin and mischievious glance half hidden under the forelock of black hair falling in front of his face. Very intriguing. However, Ashley didn't get to look at him much because afterwards in walked the rulers. And of course, they got attention. They demanded it.

    The first more than the second.  The second trailed behind a little, not really seeming to be all that enthralled. In one hand he held a straightforward gavel, very plain.  The rest of his outfit however was nothing but plain.  Bright, eyecatching and metallic in bright shades, even if this man was trailing behind he would catch attention, the clothes very tailored to suit his tall and thin frame.  Seeing Ashley, he looked her up and down, merely saying, "Helloooo."
    The other, dressed in more formal robing, stopped in front of Ashley, looking down with uninterested hazel eyes from under dark curls. "And who are YOU? And WHAT are you doing here?"
    The very aloof tones and the look of disdain she was getting got Ashley just a little annoyed. "My name is Ashley," she responded. "My name is Ashley, and I would think I have a right to be here too."
    The man looked down at her, turning crimson with fury, and glared at her with a haughty look.  Screaming melodramatically "Off with her head! Off --"
    "Nonsense!" responded Ashley very loudly, before biting her lip.  She could be bold sometimes, but she wasn't very good at it at other times.  This time she felt relieved, because the Ruler indeed did fall silent as well, although with a little cheeky smirk on his face.
    The other ruler, who Ashley had in her mind begun to call the Judge, laid his hand upon the Ruler's arm and carefully said "Relax, relax. It's just a girl, a fan."
    "She's no fan of mine!" countered the Ruler quite haughtily.
    "You got that right" Ashley whispered to herself, sotto voce, and she saw the twinkle in the Judge's eye almost like he heard her. In fact, as the Ruler traipsed away quite angrily as well, he gestured to her to follow them.  The Knave winked at her as well, but instead of falling into step with her like she had hoped, he had to run ahead to blow the trumpet, to announce their entry.
    And they entered a larger field.  Decorated with what looked like the setting for cricket.  For some reason she had many voices running through her mind, including the caterpillar's, the mad hatter's, and two currently unfamiliar voices.  Which was probably why she missed the others in the field. At least until she heard a voice speaking into her ear.
    "It's a very fine day," said the falsetto voice from behind her, and she turned, to see the smiling face of the White Rabbit, staring at her curiously.
    "Very," Ashley stuttered, amazed that she'd found the White Rabbit finally, or he had found her.  Grasping onto straws, she quickly managed to get out, "Have you seen a little grey kitten with white paws?"  Because truly, perhaps she could find all the things she was looking for at once.
    "Hush, hush" replied the Rabbit in his normal, lower tones, then lowered himself to whisper in her ear. "The Ruler doesn't like cats at all.  Really detests them. Threatens all that he sees."
    "Why would he do that?" cried Ashley, not at all impressed with the Ruler to begin with.
    "Because one time the Cheshire Cat showed up and totally upstaged him at a concert," replied the Rabbit confidentially. "Most of us don't do that cause it's not safe even though we know we can, but he did it anyway".  Ashley let out a little scream of laughter.
    The Rabbit rolled his eyes, amusedly, and in a hurried whisper continued "hush, the Ruler will hear you! And he gets quite picky about it, and will say ..."
    "Everyone to their places!" shouted the Ruler in an overly loud voice, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other. Ashley herself thought she'd never seen such a weird cricket ground in her life, but then of course she didn't really know much about cricket other than the fact that if you played a version of it, it would send terrorists to sleep. She also was a bit uneasy because the White Rabbit had disappeared yet again, leaving her in a place where all she knew was the Ruler, the Judge and the Knave. And the other two seemed to have receded to the background, standing with another man who seemed to be commentating the match, except his voice kept changing over and over. Definitely getting her curiousity up, and she almost went over to talk to him.

    Except what was left in the middle of the cricket field was the Ruler, who seemed to be in a furious passion, stamping about and shouting "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!" about every minute, or at least every time something went wrong in the game.  Not exactly reassuring to her.  "He's dreadfully fond of beheading people here," she commented to herself. "It's a wonder that there's anyone left alive!"
    She was in fact looking about to see if she could figure out which way the White Rabbit went, or at least to escape this torment, when she noticed a curious apparition in the air.  She didn't really pay attention to it at first, but after watching for awhile she figured out what it was. A large grin.  "It's the Cheshire Cat!" she said to herself. "Now I'll actually have someone to talk to, and maybe help me get out of here." Leaning forward as the entire face appeared, she whispered, "Cheshire Cat? Don't you know the Ruler doesn't like you? Is it safe for you to be here?"
    "Awww, come here you dork," replied the Cheshire Cat, "and don't worry about it."  Ashley of course figured that was reassuring enough and went over to talk to him.
    "I still haven't found my little Whoser, and although I found the White Rabbit, he disappeared again!" she exclaimed as she walked over to his side. Or at least the side of his head, because there was no rest of him visible to stand beside.  "He warned me that the Ruler didn't like cats, and then disappeared."
    The Cat laughed at that.  "He don't like cats cause he ain't a cool cat."
    Ashley just shook her head. "The White Rabbit said it's because you upstaged him."
    She had never seen a sheepish grin on a Cat before, but this was a good example of it.  "Well, I didn't mean to," he replied, showing that as ebuillient as he was, he was still rather humble when it came to this. "But the Mad Hatter and the Mock Turtle were challenging me to do more, and I didn't realize how far we'd gone."
    "The Mock Turtle?" inquired Ashley.
    "You haven't met the Mock Turtle yet?" replied the Cheshire Cat incredulously, "Now that is one cool cat, for an amphibian. You should go meet him."

    Ashley was just about to ask where she could meet this Mock Turtle when she heard a commotion behind her.  Turning around, she saw the Judge right behind her, and further behind, what looked like the Knave trying to distract the Ruler from what was going on here.  "Who are you talking to?" asked the Judge, then looking around and paling a little.
    "Why, it's the Cheshire Cat," responded Ashley.
    "Are you mad, coming here?" replied the Judge, but not to her, instead speaking to the floating head beside her.
    "Everyone here is mad, don't you know that?" retorted the Cat.
    The Judge began to wring his hands, muttering to the Cat about getting out of here before the Ruler saw him, but Ashley saw looking over the Judge's shoulder as he hunched down that it was too late.  She saw the Knave get pushed out of the way and the Ruler marching over.  Saw the cheeky smirk on his face get replaced by that anger again.  And yet again heard him yell, even more melodramatically, "Off with his head!"
    The Knave, finally catching up to the Ruler, and giving the others an apologetic look, stared at the Cheshire Cat for a minute.  "I really don't think you can do that," he commented. "How can you cut off his head if all there is IS a head?"
    "Impertinance!" thundered the Ruler, and she could see the Knave roll his eyes at that.  But the Ruler only had eyes for the Cheshire Cat.  "What are YOU doing here?" he asked, loud enough to get the attention of all the other players.  Some of whom looked appalled, and some amused. And the one fair curly-haired fellow moving his commentating to the argument itself, as if it was but a game too.
    The Judge, however, managed to get the Ruler's attention.  "Now listen," he began quietly, "there is no need to begin to fuss."  As he continued, the Ruler's attention on him for a minute, Ashley took the opportunity to whisper to the Cheshire Cat.  "See? Why did you come? I didn't want to get you in trouble!"
    "I dig you Ashley," responded the Cat, "so I came. 'Sides, they won't catch me". As he said that, he began to fade out again, till only the grin remained once more.  "Go see the Mock Turtle," was all it said, and then that too was gone.
    The Ruler turned his head back to see that the Cat was gone, and at that went even paler. "Off with his head!" he shrieked again, and began to pace around the cricket field looking for any trace of the Cat. Or any cat.  The Judge, shrugging apologetically, went after him to calm him down.  Which left Ashley and the Knave standing there.
    "Shouldn't you be walking in front of him blowing that trumpet?" she inquired, and the Knave just shrugged.  His first word muttered so low that she knew it had to be a swear, but all she heard was the rest of the sentance.
    "... that. I do not want to have to deal with that again.  It's amazing I can stay around here at all," responded the Knave.  "Come with me, I'll show you the way to the Mock Turtle. A lot better than just hanging around here.  He doesn't even let me host my parties properly."  With that the Knave led her to a path off to the side of the field.
    "This is the way to the Mock Turtle?" she asked, peering down the dark looking path into the cooler ocean air.
    "Oh, don't worry, it's perfectly safe," responded the Knave.  Noticing her shiver, he offered his coat with its many fringes, and she was trying to think of a polite way to say no when he put it around her shoulders. "At least with this he'll know you come from sensible people, albeit ones with bad relationships with the Ruler ...and the wardrobe mistress."  And with that he was gone, back towards the yelling voice of the Ruler.

    Ashley walked down the path alone. Pulling the coat closed, she realized that although it looked a bit different, it was better than the velour coat she'd seen the Knave wearing earlier, and actually it was kind of growing on her. So much so that she shrugged it on properly, fringes bouncing against her knees as she walked.  Besides, it was more chilly here, probably due to the ocean which she could see along the path to the left.  She continued to follow the path along the way, until up far in the difference she saw a large turtle, sitting on a rock, staring out to the water.  He watched her approach, saying nothing, just watching with bright eyes, brown with a green rim, that matched the shell on his back.
    "Hello, are you the Mock Turtle?" she asked, looking at him curiously.
    "Mock Turtle, yes I am. But it's pronounced Moch. Like in the phrase 'Och Aye'," he responded, looking down at her.  "And who might you be?"
    "I'm Ashley" she responded, smiling shyly up at him, for some reason for the first time since she'd travelled to this far land feeling fully relaxed.  "The Cheshire Cat and the Knave of Hearts told me to come here."
    "I noticed the jacket," laughed the Turtle.  "It's very ... distinctive." Gesturing to the rock across from him, he waited until she sat down before continuing.  "So what brings you here then. You looked kind of troubled when you first came here."
    "Well..." began Ashley, a bit reluctant to unload on the poor Turtle who didn't know her very well. But his voice was very encouraging, and familiar as it had been one of those that had run through her mind earlier at the cricket match, so she spilt it out. "Well I came here to find my little kitten Whoser because he ran away, and then I tried to follow the White Rabbit, but I could never catch him either, and I still haven't found Whoser. And I thought I was a good fan, but now I'm not so sure ..."  Her voice trailed off, feeling a bit silly, and she barely could look up at him.
    "Well, I'm afraid I haven't seen your kitten," began the Turtle "but the nice thing about this land, everything turns up by the time you need it.  As for the White Rabbit, I'm sure he'll let himself be caught eventually. He's a nice enough guy, even if he does smell of soup ..."
    "Soup?" exclaimed Ashley "I don't think he smells of soup. And even if he does, what's wrong with that?"
    The Mock Turtle watched her seriously. "Ever heard of Mock Turtle soup?" he asked.  She shook her head.  "Not a pleasant thing," he replied. "I don't particularily like soup.  But anyway ..."
    She grinned up at him now, seeing the mischievious look in the eyes at that comment, feeling more at ease as he continued.  "As for being a good fan, well ... I mean, what have you done that isn't the actions of a good fan?"
    Ashley sat and pondered for a moment, and then replied, "Other than just hanging around too much ..." she began, to find herself brushed off for that kindly by the turtle.
    "See? It's not a problem." he stated simply, and she smiled again. A brilliant smile that got one in response. Spontaneously she reached up to hug him, which he returned, tugging gently at the leather fringes of her jacket as she leaned back.  "You better return this to him," the Turtle commented.
    Ashley laughed. "I will", she replied.  "And thanks for helping me.  Last time I asked if I was a good fan here I ended up having to sing a hoedown. But you'd have to sing, as I keep forgetting the words"
    At those words the Turtle hunched down into his shell.  "Sing? Hoedown?" he gulped, eyes rolling back into his head.  Ashley waited a few minutes for him to reemerge, but the mention of the hoedown seemed to have scared him away.  And so she left, heading back up the path from where she had come.

    When she reemerged from the forest, back to the cricket grounds, she was surprised to see a great change had taken place.  The Ruler and the Judge were seated in thrones when she arrived back, and a whole crowd assembled before them, all sorts of creatures, many she'd seen before.  There was a whole pack of cards this time at one side, except for the three she'd met earlier which were hiding on the far side of the crowd still, and in front of the whole scene stood the Knave, in chains.  Looking annoyed, defiant, and proclaiming that he hadn't done anything wrong.
    Beside the Judge she saw the White Rabbit again, with the Knave's trumpet in one hand and a scroll in the other hand.  She also looked opposite to the side where the cards stood at attention, and counted 12 creatures there.  A jury, she realized.  And even more amused, she recognized one of the jury.  Blue blazer, sitting stiffly against the wall behind him, the page who had tried to stop her in the White Rabbit's house.
    "Curiouser and curiouser" she commented to herself.  "What could the Knave have done? He seemed like a very nice guy, if a bit risque."
    The Judge now truly looked the part as he sat behind a desk in his throne, hitting the table with his gavel. Not knowing why, Ashley ducked everytime he waved that gavel about, and when looking back, for she had made it to the front of the crowd somehow, she noticed the Mock Turtle there as well, watching the gavel very very carefully, and beside him the dog she'd seen so much earlier, laughing as it watched as well.
    But she couldn't concentrate on that, and instead looked at the Knave, standing there looking very unimpressed.  "What happened?" she tried to whisper to him, but at that very moment as in response to the pounding of the gavel, the entire group went quiet, leaving only her voice cutting across that void.
    "Silence in the court!" cried the White Rabbit, deep voice making her almost jump.  The following notice of her presence and wave and whispered "welcome!" was so silent in comparison that she hoped no one else had noticed but her.
    "Call the first witness!" cried the Judge, and she looked in amazement as the Mad Hatter shuffled forward, in a different but no less incredible hat.   Behind him walked the March Hare, who once the Hatter was up there tried to make a break for it.  "Stop right there, you'll be testifying next!" called the Judge again, and the March Hare stopped in his tracks, still looking unimpressed, and began to look the Judge up and down slowly. Repeating the gesture until the Judge started shaking his head.  "No no no.  Forget it, go on," he finally said, and the March Hare, somehow managing to look pleased with himself even if his expression didn't change, escaped the entire situation as quickly as possible.
    Leaving the Hatter standing up there alone.  "Take off your hat," requested the Judge.
   The Hatter did, revealing yet another hat.  The Judge looked him up and down. "This is not a game!" he reminded the Hatter.
    "It isn't?" replied the Hatter, looking incredulous. "Then I can go?"  As he stood up, he towered over the Judge, who looked a little confused.
    "No!" cried the Judge finally. "Never mind. Just keep the hat on if you must."
    Satisfied, the Hatter sat back down.  Unfortunately, now that that was done, the Judge seemed to have some problems coming up with a question, and finally poked the White Rabbit, who almost dropped his list, but finally, in that strange falsetto again, said "Witness number one ..."
    "Yes?" replied the Hatter, sounding awfully bored.

go to part 3

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