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This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought-recording
device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling,
and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your
call.
-------------
I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain.
Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of
them will get back to you.
-------------
Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone
right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the
tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you!
-------------
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid
talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help
me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
-------------
A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler
in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the
future....
-------------
I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement
printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money,
or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name,
number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the
Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.
-------------
[VOICE 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal.
[VOICE 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.
-------------
[Sung to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries"]
Leave a message...leave a message....etc.
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Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. This is
the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72....
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This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System.
This is only a test.
-------------
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very
sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to
resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly
compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
-------------
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You
begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone...the telephone is next to an
answering machine...you hear a faint click and a light flashes on the
answering machine...you hear a beep....
-------------
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to
test: 5...4...3...2...1...
-------------
After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money.
I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.
-------------
The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name,
phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret
password.
-------------
I can't come to the phone now, so...hey--that's a nice phone you have
there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering
machines bothering you all the time...yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a
call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings...I might even play
my beep for you...
-------------
This is the Metropolitan Opera Amateur Audition Hotline. After the tone,
sing Vesti la Giubba and La Donna e Mobile....
-------------
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the
phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but
I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I
guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait,
gosh. This is so confusing.
-------------
This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and
number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word
is acetylcholinesterase {or clitoris, or scaphoid, or arrhenotky...}
-------------
[Must have good Australian accent]
G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with
this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
