Pretty average episode. Not the best, but not the worst...

At the convent, Terri called Ryan to demand that Sarah be sent back to Poughkeepsie. She called from a desk just down the hall from the pay phone that Sarah used to call Ryan. Too bad Sarah didn't know that phone was there. If she did, she wouldn't have had to break her piggy bank to call daddy.

Jane was able to track Kyle down at the construction site of his dreamhouse. They talked about whether or not they have a relationship. Like a typical male, he couldn't talk about his feelings.

Have you noticed that since Kyle burnt the house to the ground, they were able to rebuild the frame in no time flat but have made no progress in the weeks since?

Megan and Sarah were bonding in the park when Ryan showed up. With him were a social worker and a female cop who were there to deport Sarah back to NY. Why'd they need a cop? Were they afraid that a 9-year-old would overpower the social worker and escape?

At Lexi's apartment, Michael moaned as if he were dying. He and Lexi had just finished a 24-hour session of sex. He sounded more like he was in agony as opposed to ecstacy.

Lexi's assistant knocked on her door with news that Amanda not only fired half her staff, but also dropped half her clients. I thought the idea of landing the Tony Marlin account was to become a bigger agency. So why's Amanda dropping clients? It just doesn't make sense.

The line of the week goes to Lexi. In trying to figure out how to land the Tony Marlin account, she and Michael started to go at it again when she said, "I think I do my best thinking on my back." Some of my best thinking involves her on her back, too.

On the love boat, Peter was watching Eve (she had her highbeams on again) film Tony's cruise line commercial. Her lines were, "This ... is ... the ... va ... ca ... tion ... of ... a ... life ... time. I ... love ... it ... and ... I ... feel ... like ... I'm ... fall ... ing ... in ... love ... with ... you ... all ... o ... ver ... a ... gain." Sounded like she went to the Andrew Shue School of Acting.

Tony, thinking he's a better acting coach than Andrew Shue, gave Eve and her co-star a tip. He showed them how they should kiss by planting one on Eve. It didn't seem like she knew whether or not she liked it.

Ryan's attorney told him that Sarah claimed Terri abused her. Ryan said he didn't believe that Terri would do so. If he wanted custody of Sarah, he should have said, "Yeah. Terri beats the crap out of Sarah every night."

Tony issued a mandate to Amanda to keep Peter away from Eve. Tony didn't want to be looking over his shoulder while shagging Eve. And even though Amanda and Peter bonded, it wasn't enough to keep Peter away from Eve.

He saw Eve and Tony all drunk and chummy at the pool. He ordered Eve out of the pool and pushed Tony in. Eve told Peter he misinterpretted Tony's actions. Tony was only trying to give her pointers. Speaking of pointers, Eve's nipples were showing again.

Lexi was clad in a teddy, garters and black stockings. SCHWING! She told Michael that it was part of her ploy to win the cruise line account. I have got to buy some boats.

On the cruise, Peter decided to take a launch to tour an island. Tony told Eve to tell Peter that the launch returned at 7 when in fact it returned at 5. That ought to keep Peter out of Tony's hair for a while.

In their conversation, Eve apologized for what happened the night before. Peter said it's in keeping with their history. They break up... they get back together... they break up... they get back together. Just like Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.

And what's up with that? My guess is that Pamela had part of her brain taken out when she had her implants removed.

Kyle went to a florist where Jane found a new job managing the shop. She earned a degree in botany in the time since Amanda fired her. Kyle got in touch with his feminine self and was able to affirm his feelings for her. Aww, how sweet.

Peter was having a lousy time on his island excursion with Amanda. To remedy the situation, Amanda suggested they switch from drinking pina coladas to tequila shots. Talk about making a bad situation worse. It'll be hangover city the next morning.

Lexi sent a message to Tony to meet her in her office. While dancing around in her lingerie, Tony's wife showed up. She received the message since Tony was on the cruise. She told Lexi that she was aware of Tony's affairs. That Tony has been screwing like a rabbit since he's been popping Viagra. She threatened to go trench coat on Lexi if she didn't stay away from Tony.

If she's so upset with his screwing around, why's she staying with him? She should just file for divorce and take half his fortune.

Eve and her ever-present nipples were expecting Peter for a candle-lit dinner in their cabin. But it was Tony who showed up to tell her Peter was stranded on Gilligan's Island. He was getting very familiar with her body and she didn't seem to be resisting. But he walked out, questioning whether she was ready or not and saying they've got plenty of time. Dude, she was ready and you ain't got plenty of time.

Back on Gilligan's Island, Peter and Amanda were forced to get hotel rooms because they were stranded. They got separate rooms, but you could definitely tell they were bonding big time. "Falling in love again. What am I to do? I can't help it."

Megan arrived home when she received a call on her cell phone. Lexi just happened to be peeking out her window at that exact moment. What are the chances of that?

Anyway, Lexi overheard Megan saying where and when the footage of the cruise line commercial would be delivered. Good thing Megan repeated everything she was told over the phone.

Terri arrived in LA to clear up the child abuse charges. She and Ryan seemed awfully buddy-buddy for two people who earlier showed so much contempt for each other.

Sarah was furloughed from social services. She explained to Terri that her claims of abuse were part of her ploy to show that daddy Ryan wasn't so bad. Terri said he wasn't bad at all. You could sense the sexual connotation in her response.

Heck, she's been living in a convent for nine years. In her eyes, even I wouldn't look bad.

Jane arrived home at her bitch house to find a trail of rose petals. After being fired from AWA and working for a florist, she probably never expected work to be following her home again. But it was just Kyle trying to be romantic. And it worked. He bedded her on a bed of rose petals.

On the deck of the ship, Eve and her nipples (it's as if they have a mind of their own. They can't be controlled. We can only hope to contain them) told Tony how she felt about him. She said she wasn't interested because she was married. But Tony continued to force himself upon her.

To get him to stop, she grabbed his 'nads. And not in an erotic sort of way.

With his family jewels in hand, Tony told Eve that it was Amanda's idea to have Peter miss the boat.

Meanwhile back on the island, Peter and Amanda succumbed to their feelings and he carried her off to bed. Together again. Just like Pamela and Tommy.

Megan went to the airport to pick up the commercial footage. But Lexi had intercepted the film and carted it off to Wilshire Memorial. Her plan was to ruin the film by using the hospital's x-ray equipment. Man was there a lot of film. It looked like there was enough footage for a full-length feature film.

At a barbeque on the beach, Terri asked Jane about Ryan's relationship with Megan. Again, Terri seemed interested in Ryan. From contempt to friendship to romantic interest all in one episode. That has got to be a record even for The Place.

The cruise was over. On the dock, Tony stepped into his limo to find a scanitly clad Lexi. She made a pitch for his account but he wasn't interested. That is until she did a "Basic Instinct" and uncrossed her legs. SCHWING!

I'd have jumped her right then and there. But since he's on the pill, I guess he couldn't get it up. You have to pop the Viagra an hour before you can do the deed. Not that I would know... I mean, that's what I've been told... Not that I was asking.

Amanda went to Eve's cabin looking for Tony. Eve fumed that she learned about Amanda using her to land the cruise line account. She turned into a psycho hose beast. And since Amanda doesn't have testes, Eve grabbed her by the throat and told her to get out of her life.

That's it for this week. Next week's episode should be a doozy if it is even half as good as its title, "Lexi Gets Stiffed." Read the spoiler at my site, http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/4616/.

There's also a lot of other good reading so be sure to check it out.

'Til next week...

Stan