Hi guys:

It was hazy, hot and humid in LA today. But not hazy enough in Taylor's car. Some dude driving by spotted her car and saved her from her suicide attempt. That's what she gets for not consulting Dr. Kevorkian. He would have told her to close the garage door. Heck, I could have told her that. Dumb bitch.

The fuzzy camera work they used when Taylor fantasized about Michael rescuing her had me wondering whether my cable was going out again. We saw Michael giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation to revive her. Just when I finished jiggling all my wires, Taylor awoke to realize that it was a dream. It was only a dream. It had to be. That's the only way Michael would be able to fit his lips over hers.

After interrupting Rory and Amanda's wedding, Kyle picked up Rory and flung him across the chapel. As Kyle was trying to explain the truth about the Nick/Taylor/Christine story, two Johnny-on-the-spot security guards showed up to usher Kyle out. Rent-a-cops on The Place are always at the right place at the right time. Which is fine and dandy, because Amanda can't handle the truth.

The funniest line came early this week. Billy was talking to Jennifer about his failed marriage to Sam and said he felt like he was on "America's Worst Marriage Disasters Part 3." Sounds like a program that Fox would pre-empt The Place for.

Then Sam tried to get him to smile. Get this, Andrew Shue can't even act like he's smiling! Man, am I going to miss laughing at him!

Taylor was brought to Wilshire Memorial because it is the only hospital in LA. Michael checked in on her and she told him about her dream. He said carbon monoxide can cause hallucinations. Carbon monoxide causes hallucinations? Hmmm. I haven't had hallucinations since the last time I drank a liter of tequila (I believe tequila is the reason why Mexico is not a world power).

Anyway, the fumes must have gone to her head because the object of her desire was no longer Peter nor Kyle, but Michael.

From a Dominican prison, Kyle phoned Sam to wire him bail money. I'd have told her to step on it. I know what goes on in foreign prisons. I saw "Midnight Express."

With his shrink, Peter realized he still loved Amanda. He couldn't accept the fact that their relationship was over. After all, the only thing she did was marry and divorce Kyle, then marry Rory. It was probably just to make him jealous.

Peter rushed home and told Lexi the that he loves another woman. It wasn't exactly the best time to break the news because the FBI had earlier confiscated files from Sterling Conrad implicating her in the embezzlement of $5 million. Betcha she wished she hadn't had flushed those last Valiums she had.

He had a smile on his face when he told her. Like, "Be happy for me. I don't love you." Well, she wasn't smiling. She threatened to find a knife and cut his freakin' heart out. A bigger threat would have been to cut his penis off. A man could live without a heart, but he cannot live without a penis.

On their honeymoon on a secluded island, Rory tried to get Amanda to give him half of her agency. She said no. He decided to poison her. That would seem to be the appropriate thing to do.

Sam went to Billy's office to discuss a divorce. They said, according to California law, the process will take six months. That's good to know for when I plan my marriage/divorce (in California it's a single event).

After learning about Lexi's problems from the newspaper, Peter went back home. Betcha if she threatened to cut off his penis he wouldn't have shown up. Anyway, he told Lexi about the codicil in her father's will granting Coop $10 million if he marries Lexi.

Armed with this newfound knowledge, Lexi proposed to Coop a paper marriage so they could split the $10 mil. He refused because the codicil states that they must live together for two years. How awful! The only thing worse I can imagine is being forced to be married to Cindy Crawford. Oh, the humanity!

Peter read the paternity lab reports and found out that Michael was the father of Taylor's baby. First Megan found out that it was Michael that told Dr. Larner that she was an ex-hooker. Now Peter knows about Taylor's baby. That Michael has quite a few things hanging over his head.

On her deathbed from the digitalis he seasoned her drinks with, Rory revealed to Amanda his plan evil plan to kill her and steal her money. But it's Kyle to the rescue. He tracked them down at the desert isle and engaged Rory in mortal combat. Karateman Kyle kicked Rory's ass all over the beach until he fell on his knife. An unclimatic finish to a rather well choreographed fight. But the fair maiden Amanda was saved.

Michael finally told Taylor he was really the father of her baby. When he arrived home at the beachhouse, he was surprised to find Taylor there doing her June Cleaver impersonation. Whoa, shades of Sydney and Kimberly's Betsy. She told Michael that the amnio revealed that it baby was a boy, her own "Little Mikey." Boy, was "Big Mikey" happy... NOT.

Sam and Jeff were discussing her divorce from Billy at Kyle's when who walks by? You guessed it, Billy. Now what are the chances of that happening? I'd say even money considering Kyle's is the only restaurant in LA.

They finally played a song at the Jazz Club that I recognized. I believe it was a George Benson tune.

Kyle visited Amanda at the hospital where she was recovering from her bad cocktails. Kyle was finally able to tell her the truth about the Nick/Taylor/Christine story. As I suspected, she couldn't handle the truth. She wondered why people die when they're around her. I know why. It's because the MP pool is the hellmouth.

On the way to the airport, Amanda's cab stopped at the same place where she and Kyle fell in love. And guess who was there? You got it, Kyle. She was finally able to handle the truth and the two of them kissed and made up.

At her new job at the Jazz Club, Megan ran into a drunken Lexi who revealed to her the secret codicil. Megan seemed pensive when when Coop once again turned down Lexi's marriage proposal. Was she thinking this guy must really love me to turn down all that money. Or was she thinking help Lexi out by marrying her. Or maybe even marry Lexi, collect the money, divorce her, then marry Megan so that she can get half of Coop's $5 mil.

Anyway, Lexi went to the Sterling Conway office where the FBI was waiting to arrest her. The agent read her her rights as he cuffed her. I've had dreams about cuffing her, but I certainly wasn't reading her her rights!

That's it for this week's episode.

Check out my site for the spoiler for next week's episode, "A Match Made in Hell."

Also new there is Lisa Rinna's Playboy pictorial. She's pregnant. She's naked. She's a natural brunette.

And there is also an article from Soap Opera Digest about Spelling's penchant for hiring soap stars.

Read 'em all at http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/4616/.

Later...