Hi guys:

Anyone notice how Fox was touting "Milestone Monday" as The Place's 200th episode and season premiere of the "Emmy award winning Ally McBeal"? Well, the Emmy that Ally won for was Sound Mixing For A Comedy Or A Special. Big fat, hairy deal. I guess that's better than The Place, which wasn't even nominated for anything.

On to this week's episode, which wasn't all that great, but didn't really suck...

On the way to a dinner party with Matt (yes, Matt, the gay guy), Jane was talking on her cell phone with Michael about Taylor and Mikey, Jr. Michael wanted to hire a professional to track them down. Jane said no. The whole story about Jane wanting to be a mother will probably never be brought up again by the writers.

At Kyle's over drinks, a newly brunette and newly bitchified Lexi was trying to give Megan lessons in bitchitude. But the hooker with the heart of gold just wouldn't hear of it.

Megan left Lexi to join the gang waiting for Matt to arrive. Kyle pulled the chair out for her and she remarked about how it was a change for a man to be nice. The obviously tipsy Megan then said it was too bad he was taken. And then it dawned on me, Kyle and Megan would make the perfect couple. But since they are both so righteous, they'd be too boring for The Place.

Jane then had a flashback to when she talked to Matt on the beach about her miscarriage. I didn't remember that scene and wondered whether it was new footage. But after checking my archives, that scene did take place in Episode 11, "A Promise Broken."

The sound effect they used to jump in and out of the flashback was cool. It sounded like a spaceship making the jump to light speed. Maybe this is the producers' attempt to snag next year's Sound Mixing Emmy.

Anyway, an even drunker Megan chimed in by saying the only good men are gay men. A statement I must refute because I think I'm a good man and I'm not gay.

Michael called the restuarant to say that Matt wouldn't be dining with them. Turned out he was killed in an auto accident. But why did Michael ask to speak to Amanda and not Jane?

While running the guest star and producer credits, they shunted the usual montage of black and white Melrose Avenue scenes for shots of Amanda frolicking in the surf while Sean Lennon sang in the background. That was a little too Baywatchesque for me. I hope they never do that again.

Peter was telling his shrink that Amanda still loves him. Yeah, that's why she's still with Kyle.

OK, so the writers didn't brush off the "Jane wants to be a mother story." They used this premise to have Michael ask Jane to marry him again. This time forever, he said. Forever for Michael is about four weeks.

Peter returned to his office to find Amanda and Beck, the goodfella, chatting. Beck was there to return the ransom money. So I'm surmising that the kidnapping was part of Peter's plan. But I still can't figure out why that goon tried to kill Amanda.

Lexi walked into The Jazz Club while Kyle was having it renovated. She said that if he was going to change anything, he should start with the music. I couldn't agree more. I'd like to see them kick it old school with disco.

Lexi then went to Megan to tell her of her plans for her company. She said the company was coming out of its tax problems. How? Coop booked on her so she didn't get her $5 million to bail the company out. How did the company suddenly become solvent?

Then she said she wanted to transform a holding company, a corporation which owns many businesses, into a single company, an advertising agency. She said she was in advertising before she married Coop. I thought she was an interior designer.

Lexi asked Megan to team up with her in her new venture. Afterall, she did have prior experience in advertising as Eric Baines' secretary for a few weeks. I guess that makes her CEO material.

Lexi asked for Kyle's input. With Kyle's poor finances, he told Megan that The Jazz Club was not the road to riches. Megan replied that money wasn't important. How can she call herself an Los Angelena?

Amanda showed up at Matt's mother's house and said she was a friend. The only time I remember her being nice to Matt was when his roommate Rhonda moved out and he said he missed talking with her. Amanda said he could talk to her any time. But then added that she hopes he can still make the rent.

Mrs. Fielding told Amanda that she and the gang were not welcome at Matt's funeral. But she gave Amanda Matt's journal. A journal chock full of MP secrets.

Back at The Place, she read something in the journal which shocked her. She tore out the page and hid it in a book on her shelf. If it was so shocking, I would have destroyed the page. But then no one would be able to find it to cause controversy.

The next morning, Kyle was reading the journal and we find out that he's got a brother, Ryan. They're estranged because Taylor came on to Ryan when she found out that Kyle was having an affair with Jennifer. So how come Kyle never mentioned it when Taylor was busting his chops about screwing Sam? And when did Kyle ever talk with Matt? I never realized they were so buddy-buddy.

Feeling threatened that Lexi wanted to form an ad agency, Amanda called a meeting with Lexi to call a truce. It didn't go like Amanda planned. One thing lead to another and yada yada yada, she called Lexi a bitter woman incapable of love. Which then earned Lexi the line of the week when she replied, "It's not me you're seeing. It's your own reflection." Good answer, good answer!

Michael and Peter then showed up worrying about what was said in the journal. We learned that Michael was a male stripper who went by the stage name "The Lone Ranger" back in Chicago while he was a starving med student. Knowing this, he's got some nerve chastising Sydney when she was stripping as "Jungle Jane." The flashback of him stripping was riotous though.

Peter overheard the story and the only thing that could have made it funnier was if Michael had stripped to Jack Wagner's "All I Need" instead of Robert Palmer's "Addicted To Love."

Megan and Michael talked at the Jazz Club. Realizing that Coop was gone, she said she needed Michael. Sorry, babe. That boat has sailed. He told her he was again engaged to Jane.

In the laundry room, Kyle read a passage from the journal to Amanda. It quoted her as saying that she will always be connected to Peter. Peter overheard this also. And, despite the fact that it was written years ago, it reinforced his belief that Amanda still loves him.

Kyle noticed that a page was torn out. Amanda flat out lied to him when she said she didn't do it. When he finds out she did, and he most definitely will, it will mark the beginning of the end of their relationship.

Amanda told Peter about his entry in the journal. Turned out Peter operated on Beck's heart when nobody else would. A judge owed Beck a favor so he sprang Peter from jail from when he tried to kill Amanda. So why did Beck owe him another favor? Peter saved his life and Beck got Peter out of a life of anal assault. Sounds like even-Steven to me.

Drinking margueritas on the beach, Jane told Michael about her entry in the journal. She told him she slept with a classmate, Alex Bastion, the night before her wedding. Michael freaked. He made Jane sleep on the couch. Talk about role reversal.

Anyway, from what I've been told, Steve Wilder, who plays Alex, is the anti-Andrew Shue. Where Andrew underacts, Steve hams it up. It wasn't evident in the flashback, but I'm hoping it will be next week. I need someone to laugh at.

The next morning Michael said that he doesn't trust Jane anymore. Ha! That's like the President saying he doesn't trust Hillary anymore.

At another session with his psychiatrist, Peter was convinced that the missing page was about him and how Amanda still loved him. The shrink told him to get a grip and prescribed him some pills. He wouldn't hear of it though.

Back at the Jazz Club, Sean Lennon and his band were performing. Lexi was right. They do need to change the music. Sean was horrific. I'd rather listen to his mother make her incomprehensible squeeking sounds.

Kyle told Michael that Megan took off and left him a note. He recognized it as a suicide note. This, coupled with the fact that he just broke up with Jane, prompted him to go save her. Besides, he was horny.

Ryan showed up at the club and greeted Kyle by slugging him. That was mighty brotherly of him. It was to make up for the last time they saw each other. When Kyle punched Ryan out. They kissed and made up and proceeded back to The Place so Ryan could meet Amanda.

Back at The Place, Amanda discovered her door was open and heard an intruder. She went into the kitchen where she pulled out a gun from amongst the silverware. That's where I keep my gun too, between the spoons and the salad forks.

As Kyle and Ryan arrive in the courtyard, we hear a gunshot. Kyle rushed upstairs to find Amanda holding the gun over a body sprawled on the floor next to the journal. It was Peter, shot while trying to read the journal in the dark.

And if you think Matt's journal contains some juicy stuff, read the Starr report on President Clinton. The part where Bill mistook Monica's coochie for a humidor was hilarious.

That's it for this week.

Read the spoiler for next week's episode, "Where the Hookers Grow," on my site.

Also new there is an article from Entertainment Weekly about Josie Bissett's return to The Place, Luke Perry's return to 90210 and Sharon Lawrence's return to NYPD Blue. It basically said that their careers flopped since leaving their shows.

Then there's another EW piece about Laura Leighton's debut on 90210, which is this Wednesday. I can't hardly wait.

Next up is a Marie Claire article in which Rob Estes removes his shirt. Something he doesn't normally like to do. He has yet to bare his pecs on The Place.

Another MC article shows Heather and Josie's many different hairstyles through the years.

And finally, I have an in depth interview with Steve Wilder from Soap Opera Digest.

Read 'em all at http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/4616/.

'Til next week...